Best Petards Podcasts (2025)

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#441 - Full Fibre Content, Ladies Lashathon and Taking a Mini Retirement 44:43

23h ago44:43

44:43

It’s the TFI Late Review on the show as a night-time recording has Elis at his energetic peak. He's ready to throw a chair at a wall and also discuss the latest avant-garde Spanish melodrama. It’s a different vibe altogether, the boys don’t even know what day it is. But in such a circular audio environment, what even are days? We speak to the chatt…

1
#440 - Beefcake Alert, The Lust King and Producer Dave’s Handsome Surprise 1:03:09

4d ago1:03:09

1:03:09

Every week on this show you think that the last vestige of John’s weird past is revealed. You think there cannot be any more layers peeled back. And then bam(!), another one, as yet another aspect of intense Robins c.1994-2004 hits you smack in the face. This is one such episode. But don’t worry it’s not all too harrowing, for there’s a huge and ex…

1
#439 - Inverting The Pilaumid, Winning 18 Apples and The Mayor of Thornbury 54:56

8d ago54:56

54:56

There’ve been contrasting weeks for our two heroes. It’s a non-stop all anecdote premiere for Elis. For he has as follows… met Hugh Grant, attended Ken Clarke’s curry house, been to film screenings and had his greatest ever stag - apart from the one organised by John he stresses. *And* Mo Salah thinks he matters. John meanwhile has been asleep for …

1
#438 - The Human Clock, Threads Be Cloves and Thanks For Jumping on That Call 1:10:46

11d ago1:10:46

1:10:46

It’s official. Elis and John are the most listened to on demand radio programme amongst the Under 35s on BBC Sounds. This is huge. Finally the boys are appealing to a demographic that extends upwards to those could well be married with two children. Bringing 5 Live’s average age down from 57 to 55 was the aim. But they’ve overshot so far that it’s …

1
#437 - The Great Geordification, Cloud Storage Afterlife and Narrative! Narrative! Narrative! 53:40

15d ago53:40

53:40

He’s only gone and done it again. The serial winner himself, John Robins, the narrative bender, has won yet again. Despite not even really liking football, John just can’t help being John, and he's done something on the football pitch worthy of an end-of-tournament emotional BBC sports montage that makes Elis cry. If anything feels significant, thi…

1
#436 - I Attract The Mums, 200,000 Items and John Robins Ltd. 1:11:14

18d ago1:11:14

1:11:14

This show isn’t often one for big announcements. But today we park the trivialities. There’s not a mention of word games or credit scores in sight. For another obsession is about to take over the life of Johnny JR. It’s big. And it could complete his transformation from movement cynic to the Haile Gebrselassie of rural Bucks*. And Producer Dave is …

1
#435 - Orcs & All, Cannellini Alley and ‘Wisdom, Bit of Sadness, Go Home’ 1:10:36

22d ago1:10:36

1:10:36

Young John Robins goes under the microscope as we learn some revealing things about his burgeoning adulthood; whilst other holidaymakers were making art around turtles and sunsets, what was a youthful Johnny JR focusing his attention on? When students were showing off their favourite books in their dorm rooms, what tomes was Robins proudly showcasi…

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#434 - TwistMcGist, Spikey Mike and Oh You’re A Catholic 1:09:31

25d ago1:09:31

1:09:31

It’s been a fallow period for Mr Elis James. The one time leading light of Cymru Connecting has faltered. Boy wonder no more. With 5 failures in his past 6 outings, everyone is asking "has his star fallen?" Will he become like Adel Taraabt, a mere “the streets won’t forget” connector of unfulfilled promise? Today he tries to arrest the descent and …

1
#433 - Pasta Disaster, Child Of The FTSE and The BACS Is Safe 1:07:39

29d ago1:07:39

1:07:39

Who built John? We find out that it takes more than just a village/borough/nation to raise such a superhunk. He has an entire team behind him, like all of the top athletes of his generation. And not just any top athlete superhunk, but one on the verge of yet another birthday. With this year's birthday, Elis has pushed the present boat out even furt…

1
#432 - Roast Goose, Intro Sequels and The Volkswagen Barrel of Paint 1:07:02

1M ago1:07:02

1:07:02

“This question will have enormous ramifications for my mental health for the rest of my life.” It’s that sort of episode. Today is MASSIVE for Robins, as Producer Dave surprises him with a humdinger of a special guest. It's John's time to enjoy the fruits of 14 months worth of Made Up Games labour. But it’s not all about fruit - which, yes, could b…

1
Dieter Rams Points and Shrugs 1:28:20

1M ago1:28:20

1:28:20

Ned and Meg admire the magnificent Dieter Rams, who pointed and shrugged his way into our hearts, and we discuss his legendary ten principles of good design.By [email protected] (FC:BM)

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#431 - Corner Energy, Non-Playable John and Tubing The Room 1:00:59

1M ago1:00:59

1:00:59

John and Producer Dave are back from a high after John turned 2,000 revellers up to eleven with his problematic walk in music. Elis has questions but Robins simply adds so much value to live events. And he’s been adding his own energy to another live event - that of the singles night variety. And he sure did set the vibe by diving straight in with …

1
#430 - Grief Granola, Psephologist Wildfowl and How is Scratching Free? 1:22:10

1M ago1:22:10

1:22:10

You’ve probably heard it whispered on the train on your way into work. You’ve likely heard mutterings about it on the concourse at the football. And you’ve almost certainly heard your grandma claim it at Sunday dinner. Well, this episode confirms the rumours; no one else is doing this. Especially if by ‘this’ you mean an extensive chat about spare …

1
The Grift that Keeps on Giving 54:13

1M ago54:13

54:13

Ned and Meg celebrate the near-anniversary of the Titan Sub Failure with a couple updates about the ongoing situation, lawsuits, obituaries, and so on. We also learn a couple things about the Gay Agenda, no relation to the Titan Sub Failure. Thanks for listening to our schadenfreude. Wash your hands, don’t be a dick!…

1
#429 - Czecholate, 11 Years of Silence, and No One Else is Doing This 58:22

1M ago58:22

58:22

We join our heroes during a telling off session, because someone is being a naughty boy. Has John eaten too much chocolate on the way in and he’s about to experience the mother of all choco crashes? Has Elis insisted that we scrap the proposed running order to talk instead about every conceivable permutation of the Nations League? Or could Producer…

1
Little Gems for the People #5: Analogies or Something 36:42

1M ago36:42

36:42

Ned and Meg recorded this so long ago that they don't even remember what it's about! It's like looking for a pine needle in a haystack, or some other bad analogy. We are apt to surprise and delight (maybe) everyone, even us (probably). I mean delighting ourselves is basically the whole point of this thing. Thanks for listening, wash your hands, don…

1
#428 - Hunting Aled, Gen Sea and Harriet Kemsley 1:13:22

2M ago1:13:22

1:13:22

Acceptance is the word on everybody’s lips today, but it has different meanings for Elis and John. For John it’s a meaningful form of accepting things as they are in life. For Elis it’s about accepting that his wife Isy will never be interested in the Nations League. Both are valid, I'm sure you'll agree. Also getting in on the acceptance game is t…

1
#427 - OALPs, Scared To Stand and Career Progression In Feudal Britain 49:20

2M ago49:20

49:20

Elis and Producer Dave are fresh from taking breaths of the night DJ’ing. The only two people on planet Earth to become hipper as they age. But Mixmag has it that Elis spent most of it seated. Because that’s what the top DJs do. Harris, Tong, Guetta, all from a seated position whilst sucking on Werther’s Originals. Yes Elis got a little bit tired b…

1
#426 - Writing Sid, UNESCO Accents and Condemned to a Life of Seeing Clearly 1:00:29

2M ago1:00:29

1:00:29

John’s managed to pick himself up after last Friday’s show. Well to a certain degree at least - thank the lord. But the collective vibe scale is nudged handsomely towards ‘winning’ as Elis has had one of his all time great days. Cycling? Check. Wales? Check. All time hero who laughs at every single one of his jokes? Check. So it’s all the fun of th…

1
#425 - The Credit Score Special 59:57

2M ago59:57

59:57

We’ve hit a low ebb. The show which won Best Entertainment Podcast at the British Podcast Awards just a few years ago is dredging the bottom of the barrel. That new low being production staff researching their credit scores ‘live’ on the show. Throw in a chat with an expert on credit ratings and it’s a wall to wall credit ball. And at such an ebb o…

1
#424 - Zanecdotes, Fab Pensions and Mallett’s Depths 1:02:33

2M ago1:02:33

1:02:33

Huge news in Elis and John towers today, for Producer Dave bumped into the man, the myth, the Solero supper himself, Mr Tim Davie. Could he use this opportunity to pitch a brand new true crime podcast about dupes from Stockport who get sold fake shoes? Well that commission’s ripe for the taking if there’s a Magnum that goes the other way. Alongside…

1
Shame Solutions, or Something 1:08:04

2M ago1:08:04

1:08:04

Meg and Ned talk about an awful book in the category of self-help writing that Meg had to read for school. It's about how our culture in America shames women and it totally sucks not because it's true, which it is, but because it fails in its aims, except for one tiny excerpt near the very end and that part is about a man. It's the only part of the…

1
#423 - Gareth Guffer, Dune July and Planet Credit Score 47:09

2M ago47:09

47:09

The sun is shining, blossom is blooming and death and divorce are on the lips. Oh the joys of spring. For how is John going to bid farewell when he and his wheels go off to the great scrapheap in the sky? And how does the statistical likelihood of marriage breakup impact the need to draw cold hard financial lines in the sand? It’s all cheery stuff …

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#422 - Jimmy Bond, £35.17 and Tudur Owen’s Dad’s Monkey 1:05:04

2M ago1:05:04

1:05:04

Palin, Chalmers, Livingstone… Robins(?!). Yes, gliding into the show today is one of Britain’s greatest travellers. An adventurer unequalled in the 21st century. Because John has been on his once per 9 months short haul trip. Naples has experienced Robins, and he it. With such pizza consumption and the undoubted oscillation between ‘hungry’ and ‘fu…

1
#421 - Yakat, Clentin Coins and Is It A Long Forest?! 51:08

2M ago51:08

51:08

Tech problems aplenty behind the scenes, but none of you will notice until the boys bring immediate attention to it. No matter though because the mood is high, for John has not yet had his two squares of chocolate. And there’s a lot flying about today. Adrian gets intense about the length of forests and some of the finest fancy dress in the region …

1
#420 - Cheek Not Filth, World Beaker People Day and Apple Crumble Designed For Three 1:07:05

2M ago1:07:05

1:07:05

You join today’s show mid-crash. Mid-comedown. John Robins is 30 minutes post-butterscotch. How is he meant to broadcast at the top of his game on such a slippery downhill blood sugar slide? Do Elis and Dave need to have an intervention to get him back on the straight and narrow? Amidst such a rut however there’s time to dig into offering business …

1
#419 - BQWND, The Bailiff of Content and Watching Mince Defrost in Real Time 1:09:18

3M ago1:09:18

1:09:18

If content were a wrist, chat were the blood flowing through the veins of that wrist, and today’s episode of Elis and John were the finger, then all 3 would be in perfect harmony. For this is an episode with its finger firmly on the nation’s pulse. What else is the nation talking about than mullets, Van Morrison, dressing up your kids, and a pile o…

1
#418 - Pasta Joke, Quarry Stuff and Black as Sackcloth 1:07:22

3M ago1:07:22

1:07:22

The Cymru Connection is officially newsworthy: we said it could be significant, and boy was it. Sadly we didn’t get a 2000 word thinkpiece on whether opening with the question ‘where did you go to school?’ is actually harmful for Elis’s xC (expected connections), but we did get a 3 minute package on the nation’s favourite feature that will no doubt…

1
#417 - Sun on the Cheeks, The Nadir of the Mullet and Squatting in a Poltergeist’s World 1:00:03

3M ago1:00:03

1:00:03

Is John having a Pep Guardiola moment? For a man who wins a lot, he’s chalked up a lot of losses this week. Firstly there’s an unprecedented Wordle catastrophe that only the language of the great Bard can summarise. And secondly, there’s a barren month on the old PB’s (premium bonds). But worry not, for John has “lit a fire in today”. What kind of …

1
#416 - That’s Massive For Me, The English Enigma and Wales Today 1:09:50

3M ago1:09:50

1:09:50

“Wales might be a country of 3.1 million people, but it seems like we all know each other. Well one broadcaster on BBC Radio 5 Live is putting that to the test.” [Roll VT] It’s a big day for Elis. This could be significant. BBC Wales are in the house to cover the local / national news stories on everyone’s lips: The Cymru Connection. The eyes of a …

1
#415 - This Is Your Stand Up Life: John Robins 1:00:04

3M ago1:00:04

1:00:04

“I just feel ashamed and sad now.” John’s in a bad mood. He has made this patently clear he wants nothing to catch him off guard. That’s great news for Elis when he’s got a big fun surprise for John that he’s put a load of work into. Wish him luck. Because it’s a huge milestone week for Mr Johnny JR Robins. Two decades on the circuit. And in that t…

1
#414 - Yesterday’s Bone, Book Humour and The Coalface We Call Prose 1:06:40

3M ago1:06:40

1:06:40

John’s currently penning something which will change global culture. But what if we lift the bonnet of his genius? That is what we find out on today’s show. For in that bonce is a V8 plucking words from the ether with such vim and vigour, and combining those words to make phrases, clauses and sentences. Word constructs which then combine to make re…

1
#413 - Generation Graze, A Chunk Funk and Rustle Click Munch Ting Ting 54:45

3M ago54:45

54:45

John has eaten some chocolate just before recording and now he’s all glum. So it’s up to Elis and Dave to get him out of his funk. Their options: 1. Take his trousers off. 2. Give him a wedgie. 3. Let him tell his anecdote about going to a folk gig and sitting in front of an annoying couple. One wonders which they’ll pick? After the chunk funk (cho…

1
#412 - John’s Pensionversary, Riffing on Togetherness and There Will Always Be More Steves 1:05:35

3M ago1:05:35

1:05:35

Brace yourselves, because John is about to discover something massive LIVE on the podcast. This could be significant. This could change the game. This could mean that Project 2032(TM) has come early. It’s a potentially life-changing day for Robins, and somewhat like an episode of 24, it all plays out in real time. Strap yourselves in, folks. And wi…

1
Little Gems for the People #7, Boomerphone 18:39

3M ago18:39

18:39

Ned and Meg explore examples of familial triangulation involving people who grew up before answering machines and modern smartphone technologies. This leads to a chat about doubling down. Thanks for listening, wash your hands, don't be a dick.By [email protected] (FC:BM)

1
#411 - Hayley They’ve Dropped!!, #PoorBloke and A Civil Servant For Love 1:09:58

4M ago1:09:58

1:09:58

Love is in the air and it’s really setting Producer Dave’s pulse racing. And not just because he’s madly in love himself. Rather it’s because Elis and John are leaning into topical content in a natural fashion without prompting. Something to get any commercial radio producer excitable. For yes, it’s Valentine’s Day. Romance is making the studio a t…

1
#410 - Nepo Connectors, Keir Today John Tomorrow and Richard Herring 1:16:11

4M ago1:16:11

1:16:11

What do the people want? Wordle Live. What do they not want? The Cymru Connection. That’s the opinion of John Robins. Just John Robins. You thought that we were out of the Wordly woods. But no, the more concern you have for the woods the more trees John will plant. PLANT being a good starter. John wants a feature substitution and he'll wage this wa…

1
Little Gems for the People #6, Net Neutrality 23:27

4M ago23:27

23:27

Meg forces Ned to explain Net Neutrality on the spot, and then after that we talk about how US courts just overturned it, which is bad. In addition to the bad idea of ending net neutrality, we also talk about flat earth. Thanks for listening, wash your hands, don't be a dick!By [email protected] (FC:BM)

1
#409 - The Double Ian, Everyone’s Sacked and John Goes In On Shoes 53:49

4M ago53:49

53:49

You would think Elis and Producer Dave would be offering praise to the mood gods, for Johnny JR is in a good one, having interviewed his favourite musician of all time for a project he cannot comment on. May - check. Oldham - check. McCombes - check (but didn’t engage). Yet the fly in the ointment: with such big energy, John’s sackings flow forth l…

1
#408 - Project 2032, Red Peppards and Britain Is Typing… 1:25:39

4M ago1:25:39

1:25:39

There’s some big goals targeted on today’s show. Firstly, ‘legacy’ is on the lips. What permanent impact can Elis and John leave? Secondly, what can help achieve Project 2032 and allow John to retire in just 7 years? Finally, Dave just wants to create some vaguely entertaining content and keep John busy. The proposed options are numerous to reach t…

1
Cosmic Latte, Don't Call it Beige 1:26:04

4M ago1:26:04

1:26:04

Ned and Meg talk about #fff8e7, the hexadecimal index of the color Cosmic Latte. And what is a cosmic latte? Why, it's the average color of all the light emitted in the universe, or close to it! We chat about how this color came to be known in 2002 and the guys who discovered it. We also talk about physics jokes, free will and the double slit exper…

1
#407 - Boring Moons, Germans Don’t WhatsApp and Grind, Block & Jumpy 1:10:09

4M ago1:10:09

1:10:09

Some of you wanted less not more Wordle chat. You pleaded even to the production team. But the team were scared. For there were Wordle emails that had come in. What if Emperor Robins found out they’d been squirreling such content away from him. It would displease him so. Thus he was presented with it all. And like a labrador at the bowl, he could f…

1
#406 - Callipound, A4 Ravioli and Our New Coal 1:04:25

4M ago1:04:25

1:04:25

Someone’s put 50p in Johnny JR today. And it’s incredible what such loose change can enact. For since the wee hours he’s been cackling into his notebook at the output of his terrifyingly fervent mind at work. So fervent in fact, that he almost struggles to get through his own twisting creation. Strap in from the off, because when he’s in top gear i…

1
#405 - My Integrity, A Million Pounds and Why Can’t We All Just Be Clerks? 1:00:45

4M ago1:00:45

1:00:45

You thought you were safe from Wordle? Hasn’t everyone else stopped talking about it? Well, you were wrong. But don’t switch off, come back, come back! For it’s an etymological *feast* today - is that a good eliminator word?! Because alongside Old English word origins and some quite impenetrable tactics chat, there are some astonishing revelations …

1
#404 - #PlasticJack, Lou Sanders and You Can Only Push The Listeners So Far 50:42

4M ago50:42

50:42

No, this episode is not a web error. Instead it contains something else which will make the content servers explode. Yes that’s right, it’s the return of the Cymru Connection. And amidst such Cymraeg content it’s fever pitch. In fact the fervour has led to an Elis on such a high that he makes financial cheques that he might not be able to cash. In …

1
#403 - The Dread Brothers, Great Flanks and The CEO of My Own Mind 59:46

4M ago59:46

59:46

Akin to Weller in February 1980 ‘tatts entertainment’ was bouncing around the studio today as the boys hit action stations to execute one of their great TV ideas. If commissioners are listening then [email protected] is the place to send your multimillion pound offer. Next on the list: Adrian and John travel round the UK feeling existential dre…

1
#402 - Connor’s Killed Us, A1 Prostates and Bring Back The Erotic Thriller 1:14:32

5M ago1:14:32

1:14:32

With Speakergate gone (we hope) in the blink of a manually adjustable eye it’s time for John to turn to one of his other favourite pastimes: cheekiness. Trying to get plugs past Producer Dave without him noticing, by increasingly layered and convoluted means? Count that checked and duly intervened on. Campaigning for the return of erotic movies? Ti…

1
#401 - Direct Dust, The Pint Control Board and …with John Robins 51:35

5M ago51:35

51:35

Nobody’s making audio like this. Nobody approaching such breadth. One episode it’s half an hour discussing home audio solutions and then the next the wheels are set in motion to achieve the pilot of Britain’s Sexiest Tattoo. The rumours are that we’ve already hit five submissions. Could ‘a breast on a knee’ make the shortlist? And the online promo …

1
#400 - Builth Wells Problems, xC and John Got A Speaker 1:18:25

5M ago1:18:25

1:18:25

400 not out. But plough on past Brian Lara we will. And welcome new listeners for 2025. The BBC's wide reaching podcast ad campaign has no doubt brought you here. You are likely puzzled now that you're here, because what follows today is a man spending around 35 minutes ranting about speakers and the technicalities of streaming platforms, before an…

1
#399 - The Second Petard, Pad Thai for Breakfast and 11 Reasons to be Cheerful 56:52

5M ago56:52

56:52

The boys are kicking off 2025 with contrasting vibes: Johnny JR is feeling grateful, and the team think of 11 (slightly unusual) reasons for him to be cheerful (think white teeth, think flat ears). Poor Elis on the other hand is starting the New Year with the sniffles, so regales us of his Christmas antics down the line. And is it a case of new yea…

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