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Roleplay Retcon

Two Fish in a Jug

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Roleplay Retcon remakes the movies that let you down using tabletop roleplaying games (TTRPGS), soundtracks by indie bands, and lots of goofy writers' room jokes. Professional writer Benjamin Gray, Theatre sensei Jensie, and RPG expert/comedian/cinephile Alex invite a new guest, feature a new band, and play a new roleplaying or storytelling game for each bad movie.
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Now that Amara has learned the ropes in her new Jaeger, it's time for a combat exercise against Jake's three simulated Kaiju. It's also a good way to get to know her new squadmates, who don't have any personal problems at all. Content Warnings: Violence, gore Guest GMed by ⁠⁠⁠Henn, a.k.a. @iwriterobots⁠⁠⁠! Soundtrack by ⁠⁠⁠⁠BE/HOLD⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠…
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For the One Shot Patreon Drive, we played Ben's secret project: House of Cards, a horror game about survivors trying to escape a labyrinth of seemingly endless rooms from different houses and eras. Fiona Howat from What Am I Rolling?, Daniel Kwan from Asians Represent!, and Jon Taylor from System Mastery joined us!…
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Amara and Jake are in hot water with the Pan Pacific Defense Council, but Jake's surprising connection offers them a job in exchange for freedom: Help revive the dying Jaeger pilot training program. Content Warnings: Profanity, heavy weapons, family trauma Guest GMed by ⁠⁠Henn, a.k.a. @iwriterobots⁠⁠! Soundtrack by ⁠⁠⁠BE/HOLD⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! We'…
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The Kaiju attacks ended long ago. Now, scavengers pick through the ruins of Los Angeles to find Jaeger parts, either to re-sell on the black market or for making homebrew machines of their own. Both mech wunderkind Amara Namani and Jake Pentecost, son of fallen Kaiju conflict hero Stacker Pentecost, have infiltrated a Jaeger graveyard to find a val…
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We're taking you back to Crunchytown with the Mech TTRPG Lancer, which we'll use to remake Pacific Rim: Uprising, the disappointing 2018 sequel to Pacific Rim. Though very fun and satisfying, Lancer is a little complicated, so we brought in Lancer and known robot kisser Henn to GM this series! Guest GMed by Henn, a.k.a. @iwriterobots! Soundtrack by…
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In the finale of our remake of Cocktail (1988), some of the employees are chased by their pasts and some are agonizing about the present. Is a future of love and happiness even possible? Some say The Newest House knows... Can you guess who likes who before we do? Content Warnings: Sexual content Starring Superdillin from the One Shot Podcast, Patch…
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We're remaking Cocktail (1988), an early entry in Tom Cruise's career that's bad in a funny way, but could still use a little jazz(?)ing up. We're playing an original game based on our guest Superdillin's Spin the Bottle, which uses the classic party game as a resolution mechanic. The Newest House restaurant and bar in New York City has a reputatio…
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We're rubbing ointment on our tired muscles as we recap the victories and losses of our season, how they stack up to the original movie, and what we thought of Play Ball!, the game we powered our remake with. Stick around to the end to find out what's next! Starring guest GM Grant Nordine of Game Master Monday! Soundtrack by Them Damn Dogs⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠…
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The prisoners are ahead going into the second half, but the warden has dirty tricks yet pulled, Portman is still sabotaging the team for a taste of Maple Syrup and a pardon, Cornflake is butting heads with him, and Bocepherous's demoralization has left the defense in shambles... Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, violence, allusions to substance …
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As the game thunders on, Cornflake's and Portman's selfish agendas clash, and even Bocepherous's pure heart may not be enough to fix things. Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, violence Starring guest GM Grant Nordine of Game Master Monday! Soundtrack by Them Damn Dogs⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! We're playing Play Ball! by Roe Caufield! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Our Patreo…
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We're taking a quick break from The Longest Yard with the audio from a livestreamed game of FLOPS, the TTRPG we're currently Kickstarter-ing! We remade last year's Madame Web, which may be the most unintentionally funny of the Spiderman-Minus-Spiderman Cinematic Universe movies. Kendo Smith from our Pluto Nash series joins us! Content warnings: Vio…
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It's finally the day of the Big Game, and the bonds that bind these baller boys begin to bend. Bocepherous runs it in. Portman phones it in. Cornflake digs it in. Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, violence Back our new game FLOPS on Kickstarter! Starring guest GM Grant Nordine of Game Master Monday! Soundtrack by Them Damn Dogs⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! We're p…
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Cornflake's shady past is now public knowledge and his social stock has plummeted. To get back on the team's good side and convince Portman that he's in mortal danger, he resolves to get proof of the Warden's dark plans from his office. Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, violence Back our new game FLOPS on Kickstarter! Starring guest GM Grant Nor…
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Everything's going great! Pizza party! Bocepherous nails an interception. Cornflake calls a timeout. Portman plays defense. Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, violence Starring guest GM Grant Nordine of Game Master Monday! Soundtrack by Them Damn Dogs⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! We're playing Play Ball! by Roe Caufield! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Our Patreon has bon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠…
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The team has its first practice, and one thing becomes clear to Coach Burt: They're gonna have to cheat. Bocepherous finds a moral loophole. Cornflake meets the prison's biggest shipper. Portman gives a disjointed speech. Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, sexual content Starring guest GM Grant Nordine of Game Master Monday! Soundtrack by Them Da…
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It's up to Cornflake to find his way into solitary confinement and recruit their safety-- the mysterious Peter Pistol, who has a troubled past and a troubled heart. Portman tags along for the first phase of the plan, but he has his own idea of how it should shake out... Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, sexual content, gun violence, lyrics allud…
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Red One is the first movie we've remade while the original is still in theaters, but its wasted Metal Gear Solid meets Santa premise and $100 million loss at the box office begged us to do it ASAP. We're remaking it with The Fight Before Christmas, a hack of Lasers and Feelings that has players creating operatives with a vendetta against Santa. Sai…
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Burt Reynolds proclaims himself the prison team's coach with some pushback, but not enough to matter. The boys make trips to the basketball court, the library, and the labor yard to recruit more players to the team. Portman takes the rule of threes too far. Bocepherous finds someone with a weirder name than his. Cornflake cannot make sense of this.…
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The boys split up to begin building the team. Cornflake finds some art supplies. Bocepherous gets a dose of reality. Portman has a memorable meal. Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, violence Starring guest GM Grant Nordine of Game Master Monday! Soundtrack by Them Damn Dogs⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! We're playing Play Ball! by Roe Caufield! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Our …
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Former NFL quarterback and maple syrup kingpin Portman Tow, Mama's boy Bocepherous Nut, and professional grifter Cornflake Cogburn all find themselves in the wrong seat of a squad car. At their new prison home, Warden Sanders promises a reduced sentence for Portman if he puts together a football team of prisoners to give his guards' team something …
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Rookie Camp episodes are our cute name for "episode zero" where we introduce the game we're playing (Play Ball! by Roe Caufield) and our first-ever guest GM Grant Nordine of Game Master Monday. And the name is finally apt because we're remaking the 2005 Adam Sandler remake of The Longest Yard, which had a poor critical reception, but that didn't st…
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Before we get started with our remake of a remake of The Longest Yard, get to know our first-ever guest GM: Grant Nordine, the co-creator, co-host, and often titular game master of the podcast Game Master Monday. Each episode of Game Master Monday is standalone and has a new game and a new cast, and Roleplay Retcon has been on the show more than on…
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In the back half of our remake of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Superman doesn't let his humiliation at the hands of Nuclear Man stop him from dismantling the world's nukes. Will Nuclear man retaliate, or will he be distracted by Lois Lane? I guess the answer seems obvious, but the date gets pretty hot. Content Warnings: War, nuclear weapons, m…
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Jeff Stormer, Superman superfan and the host of Party of One, made a bespoke game specifically for remaking Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, the final Christopher Reeve Superman movie that put Supes in Hollywood timeout for 20 years. Content Warnings: War, nuclear weapons, mild violence, profanity Starring Jeff Stormer! Soundtrack by Phillip Mount…
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An American Werewolf in London (1981) is one of the all-time great horror comedies. And then 16 years later somebody decided to make a spiritual sequel, An American Werewolf in Paris, and inject it with all of the worst tropes of the '90s. We remake the latter with Craig Campbell's Die Laughing, a GM-less TTRPG about making comedy horror movies! We…
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Time is as it should be and the League heads off on their next adventure. We're gonna stay here and talk about this one, though. Did we improve on the original movie? Find out what we think in this episode! Featuring Ryan and Laurel from ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Flash Fantasy: Rift Walkers⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Soundtrack by composer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Robert Russell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! We're …
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The League and Carmen Sandiego have their final showdown. Not everyone will survive. Holtzmann does what she does best. Marty lifts a gag order. Laszlo puts on the rizz. Dom steals half a truck. Content Warnings: Death, violence, Nazis, blood, profanity, sexual content Featuring Ryan and Laurel from ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Flash Fantasy: Rift Walkers⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! …
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The League hatches a plan to track down and stop Carmen Sandiego and finally use those time circuits on the Rogue One. Dom gets aided and banded. Marty is not a sniper. Holtzmann is a girl's girl. Laszlo dons the greatest disguise of all time. Content Warnings: Death, body horror, Nazis, blood, profanity, sexual content Featuring Ryan and Laurel fr…
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Borat's ferocious bear may be the end of Dom. Holtzmann's driving may be the end of everyone else. Marty wants to put a pin in this self-reflective moment. Laszlo sees someone he knows. Content Warnings: Profanity, death, violence, gore, blood, sexual innuendo, violence against animals Featuring Ryan and Laurel from ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Flash Fantasy: Rift Walke…
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The Cohen Coercion attacks! Dom finally gets behind the wheel as the rest of the League fights off four vehicles with very similar-looking drivers. Holtzmann upgrades her seat. Marty downgrades a tire. Dom snubs someone. Laszlo does some necking. Content Warnings: Profanity, death, violence, gore, blood, sexual innuendo, violence against animals • …
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Time pulls a fast one on the League and they find themselves in a very different Chicago with all-new League leadership. To find Dr. Brown and his time locomotive, they'll have to build their own time machine and track down his kidnappers. Marty invites Laszlo to the jamboree. Holtzmann gets her dream car (almost). Dom is a citizen of the world. Co…
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The League is accosted by Griff Tannen and his gang, transplants from an alternate 2015 where Marty crossed paths with them. Beating them may give the League a clue to who is responsible for Doc Brown's disappearance... Holtzmann expands her business, Marty's got a gun, Dom isn't hurt, and Laszlo eats some empty calories. Content Warnings: Profanit…
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The new League learns of their mission to save the fabric of time from tearing itself apart. But first, they'll need to travel to Chicago to gain magical protection from the ravages of time. Laszlo hateflirts. Dom calls in a favor. Jillian shakes it out. Marty remembers the future. Content Warnings: Profanity, sexual content Featuring Ryan and Laur…
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Across Time and Space, four Extraordinary people are recruited by a mysterious organization for reasons unknown: Legendary wheelman Dominic Toretto, genius paranormal engineer Jillian Holtzmann, actual vampire Laszlo Cravensworth, and time traveler Marty McFly, who will find 2015 is not at all as he remembers... Content Warnings: Profanity, sexual …
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Ryan and Laurel from Flash Fantasy, makers of banger Actual Play Podcasts Rift Walkers and Star Wars: Skeleton Crew, join us to remake Sean Connery's out-with-a-whisper career-ender The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003). By default, we always twist on the original movie's formulas, but this time it's a T-W-I-S-T. We'll introduce our bonkers …
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Before we get started with our wild twist on The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, get acquainted with our two guest stars: Laurel Myler and DM Ryan of Flash Fantasy! This is episode 1 of a one-shot set in Flash Fantasy's Rift Walkers universe. If you like this (and you will) head back to episode 0 of Rift Walkers, and then check out their Star Wa…
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Grant Howitt, the creator of Honey Heist and over 100 other TTRPGs, joins us as we try to keep our remake of Disney's Home on the Range G-rated and put some witch stuff in with Grant's game The Witch is Dead. The latter goes pretty well. Content warnings: Violence, death, profanity, spiders Grant's company, Rowan, Rook and Deckard, is the place to …
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Let's wind down and talk about the good and the bad of The Adventures of Pluto Nash, both the original movie and our version. We also cast our characters and reveal our next movie remakes! Featuring Kendrick Smith of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tales Yet Told⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Soundtrack by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠No More Kings⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! We're playing ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Moonpunk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ by Wannabe Games! Sound effec…
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Leroy struggles to save the refugees from the Dark Side after crash-landing their getaway ship. Meanwhile, Pluto and Tracy make a plan to hijack the Corpos' concert and expose their conspiracy against Graceland.Content warnings: Violence, profanity Featuring Kendrick Smith of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tales Yet Told⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Soundtrack by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠No More Kings⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! We're pl…
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Ben and Jensie play It Takes This Long, a Roleplay Retcon original TTRPG, to remake the 1998 Harrison Ford/Anne Heche desert island adventure Six Days, Seven Nights. While not a horrible film, it was on the meh side and would be much better as the tale of estranged cousins/teleporter scientists who find themselves battling pirates after an unfortun…
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Zoom Baby's secret identity sends Pluto into a fit, plus he receives an offer he can't refuse. Meanwhile, Leroy continues his liberation of the Dark Side with a little inspiration from his new friend Tracy. Content warnings: Violence, death, profanity, sexual content Featuring Kendrick Smith of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tales Yet Told⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Soundtrack by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠No More K…
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Traitors reveal themselves and tear down Pluto and Tracy's plans for a concert at NashVegas. Leroy awakens in a strange and terrifying place far away from Graceland. Content warnings: Violence, profanity Featuring Kendrick Smith of ⁠⁠⁠⁠Tales Yet Told⁠⁠⁠⁠! Soundtrack by ⁠⁠⁠⁠No More Kings⁠⁠⁠⁠! We're playing ⁠⁠⁠⁠Moonpunk⁠⁠⁠⁠ by Wannabe Games! Back Ben…
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Pluto does his best to patch Tracy up before they return to Baskins to warn her about what they just survived and to see if they can recruit help for their Rebellion Concert. Meanwhile, Leroy meets a little prick at NashVegas. Content warnings: Violence, profanity Featuring Kendrick Smith of ⁠⁠⁠Tales Yet Told⁠⁠⁠! Soundtrack by ⁠⁠⁠No More Kings⁠⁠⁠! …
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A mysterious paramilitary force seems hell-bent on rounding up the mutants in Slimothy Jimothy's. Tracy starts a revolution. Leroy tries a new poultry dish. Pluto shows off his ride.Content warnings: Violence Featuring Kendrick Smith of ⁠⁠⁠Tales Yet Told⁠⁠⁠! Soundtrack by ⁠⁠⁠No More Kings⁠⁠⁠! We're playing ⁠⁠⁠Moonpunk⁠⁠⁠ by Wannabe Games! Sound eff…
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Pluto, Leroy, and Tracy break into Loss Prevention squad leader Jo Malone's apartment, where things take a turn none of them could have imagined. Content warnings: Violence Featuring Kendrick Smith of ⁠⁠Tales Yet Told⁠⁠! Soundtrack by ⁠⁠No More Kings⁠⁠! We're playing ⁠⁠Moonpunk⁠⁠ by Wannabe Games! Sound effects by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠freesound.org⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠…
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Mr. B learns a few things at claw-point about the suits that busted up Nashvegas, but not as much as Nash would like. Tracy joins the pair in their quest for answers as they turn to fellow entrepreneur Baskins of Baskins Trashbins, known for their generous portions of fries. Nash won't like the answers here, either. Content warnings: Violence Featu…
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Life is hard in Graceland, a city-state on the moon with no official laws. Nashvegas, Pluto Nash's combination live music venue/bowling alley/casino/bar and grill, makes life a little easier. Nash and his bouncer, the spectacular mutant cat-man Leroy "Mr. B" Brown, are living the good life until Tracy, the ex-love of Nash's life, walks through Nash…
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The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), starring Eddie Murphy, is on Wikipedia's list of the top ten biggest box office flops ever. But our guest star-- TTRPG Renaissance Person Kendrick Smith-- ranks it in their top ten sci fi films. In this episode we'll hash that out, plus go over Moonpunk by Wannabe Games, the game we're using to remake Pluto Nash…
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