Best Gary Mcfarlane Podcasts (2025)

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Sex Addicts - Big up the women 9:12

Play Pause

4d ago9:12

9:12

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre What is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023. We need you ladies. Don't give up on us yet! So much more practical in finding solutions. Teach us please ladies. We need you. I am convinced that women have been en…

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Intergenerational Trauma which the Couple take into the relationship 7:35

6d ago7:35

7:35

Send us a text Part 1 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of - This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspective Intergenerational Trauma. What’s that about? Inherited culture and how scripts get passed on like a baton in a relay race. Does it need to stop with you and not get passed on to your next generation (the Children)? So diffi…

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Sex Addicts - What does it mean to be a man?: Conversations (2) 10:23

11d ago10:23

10:23

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre What is 'Manly'?: A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023. Impediments to having great relationships: Disruption in the bonding in early childhood development with the significant caregivers (usually parents), is a key fact…

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Sex Addicts - What does it mean to be a man?: Conversations (1) 9:24

18d ago9:24

9:24

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre What is 'Manly'?: A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023. What is Man-ness? There is still a caveman instinct inside of us as men. Has the image got distorted as men try to metamorphize ourselves to fit what society tells …

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Sex Addiction does not make me a Narcissist! 9:52

25d ago9:52

9:52

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre "Narcissism because of Sex Addiction - Yuk! That's not me". Many clients initially (but silently and violently) object to any suggestion that there is Narcissism at work. I am never suggesting they have NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder), but that they WILL…

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Sex Addiction before you even gave permission! 7:58

1M ago7:58

7:58

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Developmental history from childhood The phase of childhood from birth to age 6 is a critical time of sensitivity, during which time, templates are created which shape future interpersonal interactions. During this sensitive period of development, a child acqu…

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Childhood stuff of Sex Addiction 10:31

1M ago10:31

10:31

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Sex Addiction is different to Porn Addiction. Sex & Porn Addiction are different to Love Addiction. They all get set up in 3 ways: 1. Opportunity: Material accessed too early in childhood development 2. Trauma: Just as it says on the label of the can! But make…

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Children and Sex Addiction - Surely not! (Part 3) 12:05

2M ago12:05

12:05

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The report found that 58% of respondents had seen violent pornography, including strangulation and rape scenes, before age 18, with girls more likely than boys to witness such content. Children are exposed to increasingly extreme online pornography, with conce…

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Relationships is a transaction taking place 8:48

2M ago8:48

8:48

Send us a text Let's look at: Transactional Analysis, Personality Types and Ego States Understand the person and you begin to understand what causes or contributes to conflicts. A little insight into Personality or psychological types (as a theory that explains some of the differences in people’s behaviors) can prove useful. There are predictable d…

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Children and Sex Addiction - Surely not! (Part 2) 9:38

2M ago9:38

9:38

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre "It was aged....and I came across my [parents] stash of porn. I kept going back to view when they were out and took a few to my my room. They never knew". That is the very typical answer that I have been given by a large percentage of my adult clients when tak…

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Children and Sex Addiction - Surely not! (Part 1) 8:11

2M ago8:11

8:11

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Newspaper headline: "Joe is 10 years old and he is on The Sex offenders register and he has not yet kissed a girl". How can that be? Is that really true? Surely not! Ok my goodness! Even though that is not in the content of her Report, here is what the Childre…

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Not about the nail in my head - men in the dog house! 9:51

2M ago9:51

9:51

Send us a text "A friend asks, "Tell me one word which is significant in any kinds of relationship." Another friend says, "LISTEN!" — Santosh Kalwar As we continue to Repair broken communication in the couple because of Sex/Porn/Love Addiction trauma damage - recognise there is a big difference between Listening and Hearing. Sometimes we need to th…

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Effective Communication - do you know these truths? 13:11

2M ago13:11

13:11

Send us a text Put these tools into your armoury of resources to help you communicate more effectively: John Grays 'Men are from mars and women are from Venus' is still worth a read. Also (although a somewhat provocative title) 'Men don't listen and women can't read maps' - is worth reading. Both books remind us that there is a difference between h…

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The Body tells the truth, more than the trained Brain 10:53

2M ago10:53

10:53

Send us a text During Communication, our body demeanour is going to give us away. Know the facts about the body and how you might have trained it to 'tell on you'! When we first meet someone we form a very strong impression of them within the first 40 seconds. We form a lasting opinion of them within the first 4 minutes. Our opinion will influence …

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Compromised brain communication filtering 9:27

2M ago9:27

9:27

Send us a text When we are communicating, the information is passing through the filters of the different structures of the brain. We all have filters. The message being transmitted is going through the receiver, but the receiver has filters and that means the message can come out the other end looking very different to what went in and was receive…

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Sex Addict and effective Communication - do you know these truths? 11:53

2M ago11:53

11:53

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Put these tools into your armoury of resources to help you communicate more effectively: John Grays 'Men are from mars and women are from Venus' is still worth a read. Also (although a somewhat provocative title) 'Men don't listen and women can't read maps' - …

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Sex Addict - The Body tells the truth, more than the trained Brain 9:25

2M ago9:25

9:25

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Sex addict, your body demeanour is going to give you away. Know the facts about the body and how you main have trained it to 'tell on you'! When we first meet someone we form a very strong impression of them within the first 40 seconds. We form a lasting opini…

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Compromised brain communication filtering in Sex Addicts 8:03

3M ago8:03

8:03

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre When we are communicating, the information is passing through the filters of the different structures of the brain. Sex Addiction does damage the brain and so, damages the filters. We all have filters. The message being transmitted is going through the receive…

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Not about the nail in my head - men in the dog house! 8:21

3M ago8:21

8:21

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre "A friend asks, "Tell me one word which is significant in any kinds of relationship." Another friend says, "LISTEN!" — Santosh Kalwar As we continue to Repair broken communication in the couple because of Sex/Porn/Love Addiction trauma damage - recognise there…

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'Communication' is like a tandem bicycle wheel 10:11

3M ago10:11

10:11

Send us a text Remember our foundational question: 'Do you enter a conversation to be understood or to understand?' Communication is like a bicycle wheel. Picture the two of you riding along the road to your destination, but not getting very far because both wheels on your tandem bicycle are buckled. You will get to your destination, but not very f…

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Effective Communication with you is broken 11:44

3M ago11:44

11:44

Send us a text Listening effectively is a very valuable gift to someone. It is costly. It values the other person. It is learned and must be practiced. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Listening means that the information stops in the brain and is processed and digested. When information is not digested, then you will find you d…

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Sex Addict - 'Communication' is like a tandem bicycle wheel 8:34

3M ago8:34

8:34

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Remember our foundational question: 'Do you enter a conversation to be understood or to understand?' Communication is like a bicycle wheel. Picture the two of you riding along the road to your destination, but not getting very far because both wheels on your t…

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Effective Communication with you is broken - Sex Addict 10:07

3M ago10:07

10:07

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable." — David Augsburger Listening effectively is a very valuable gift to someone. It is costly. It values the other person. It is learned and must be practiced.…

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Help me see what I cannot yet see 9:19

4M ago9:19

9:19

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre We are continuing to look at Couples Counselling to 'Repair' the Sex, Porn, Love Addiction relationship damage. Let's focus on 'Communication'. "The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is…

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All change - the rug is being pulled again 13:18

4M ago13:18

13:18

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Human beings have a life cycle. Let’s take a look. (The last two stages are not governed by age). Infant (Birth to 2 years): Changes in schedules, bedtime, routines new people around - can cause anxiety during this phase. Child (3 to 9 years): Social skills ar…

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Couples in a See-saw dance for years 12:51

4M ago12:51

12:51

Send us a text Split agendas and contrary motives - that are hidden from each other. Is that you? Jake & Jasmine on the seesaw of life, illustrates it. There are appearances, but below the surface of the relationship may be there is entrenched Emotional Disengagement. Couples engage in a dance for years, re-acting and counter re-acting to each othe…

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Couples See-saw of life 11:30

4M ago11:30

11:30

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Split agendas and contrary motives - that are hidden from each other. Is that you? Jake & Jasmine on the seesaw of life, illustrates it. There are appearances, but below the surface of the relationship may be there is entrenched Emotional Disengagement. Couple…

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Are you stubborn as a mule? 11:51

4M ago11:51

11:51

Send us a text Does that image of the mules describe your relationship? of course not you, but your partner! Each trying to get their needs met. Those Core Emotional Needs. Remember that Core Emotional Needs are not negotiable. They want to be met and Fight/Flight/ Freeze will play out where they have been depleted for some time. (This dynamic is a…

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Stubborn as a mule - you are - with your Sex Addiction 10:29

4M ago10:29

10:29

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Let's continue our look at 'Repairing the damaged couples relationship, post Sex Addiction'. Does that image of the mules describe your relationship? of course not you, but your partner! Each trying to get their needs met. Those Core Emotional Needs. Remember …

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Repairing the Couple from conflict damage 11:55

5M ago11:55

11:55

Send us a text Building new foundations for the couple: Take a look at the Different Relationship Images document attached to this Podcast. I try to bypass language as much as possible. Feelings do not always tell the truth. We can be very English. Very British! Question: "How are you today". Answer: "I'm fine thank you". Observation after the auto…

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Relationship "Pinches" & "Crunches" that hurt (Part 2) 13:06

5M ago13:06

13:06

Send us a text Couples counselling is not necessarily about keeping a couple together at all. All about exploring options. Also to help you both gain insight and understanding about self and how you do life, as an individual. Whether a Partnership or a marriage, these things are true: “Marriage is not the coming together of two people. It’s a clash…

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Repairing the Couple after Sex Addiction damage (Continuation) 10:30

5M ago10:30

10:30

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Building new foundations for the couple: Take a look at the Different Relationship Images document attached to this Podcast. I try to bypass language as much as possible. Feelings do not always tell the truth. We can be very English. Very British! Question: "H…

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Relationship "Pinches" & "Crunches" that hurt (Part 2) 11:51

5M ago11:51

11:51

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Couples counselling is not necessarily about keeping a couple together at all. All about exploring options. Also to help you both gain insight and understanding about self and how you do life, as an individual. Whether a Partnership or a marriage, these things…

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Relationship "Pinches" & "Crunches" that hurt 11:57

5M ago11:57

11:57

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Shaped by circumstances from birth Picture the new born baby which starts life with innocence and a brain with few impressions. It starts to experience life and living and soon the brain has some impressions and templates being carved out. Good and not so good…

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Couples: Relationship Highs & Lows 8:25

5M ago8:25

8:25

Send us a text Highs and lows of the Couples relationship is a given. What impacts you, may not impact a partner and vice versa. Childhood development personality and characteristic sharping experiences, play a significant part in that process. Some partners need to take their shoes off and step into the shoes of the other partner in order to see t…

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Partner choice: What don't I know? Tell me 10:01

5M ago10:01

10:01

Send us a text We fall in love with 'Differenceness' and 'Sameness'. Over the years, we can become dissatisfied with the unconscious differences of a partner, that is now in the conscious. So we set about trying to change them to be more like us, since those visible and conscious differences are no longer seemingly acceptable or wanted. We consciou…

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A Sex Addict's view of relationship highs & lows 6:34

5M ago6:34

6:34

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Highs and lows of the Couples relationship is a given. What impacts you, may not impact a partner and vice versa. Childhood development personality and characteristic sharping experiences, play a significant part in that process. Sex Addicts need to take their…

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Couples: "I chose you, then (nearly) destroyed us" 10:10

5M ago10:10

10:10

Send us a text Early relationships (often with our parents) has a very powerful impact on the blueprint of partner choice. They are unconsciously looked at as being able to repair those childhood wounds. We often seek a blueprint that “fits” ours. When we meet a potential partner, we have an opportunity to re-Attach to a loved person, just like (or…

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Sex Addict and partner choice - same for us all 8:08

5M ago8:08

8:08

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre We fall in love with 'Differenceness' and 'Sameness'. Over the years, we can become dissatisfied with the unconscious differences of a partner, that is now in the conscious. So we set about trying to change them to be more like us, since those visible and cons…

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Sex Addict: "I chose you, then (nearly) destroyed us" 8:19

6M ago8:19

8:19

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Early relationships (often with our parents) has a very powerful impact on the blueprint of partner choice. They are unconsciously looked at as being able to repair those childhood wounds. We often seek a blueprint that “fits” ours. When we meet a potential pa…

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Sex Addiction does serious damage to the couple 8:19

6M ago8:19

8:19

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre At the beginning of the couples therapy session, I like to ask a first question - 'How did you guys meet?' Telling the story will reveal the greater truth about where the couple are at in the conflict. Has the loving got snuffed out or is there a glimmer of li…

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Has the relationship passed being retrievable? 10:10

6M ago10:10

10:10

Send us a text At the beginning of the couples therapy session, I like to ask a first question - 'How did you guys meet?' Telling the story will reveal the greater truth about where the couple are at in the conflict. Has the loving got snuffed out or is there a glimmer of light that may still be turned up. Is there a split agenda? Are there ulterio…

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Sex/Porn/Love Addiction counselling is specialised Therapy 6:18

6M ago6:18

6:18

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Client, choose your Therapist carefully. It makes a big difference to outcomes. In 2024 the British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapy (BACP) released an Ethical framework for working with Addictions and also a set of 'Addictions competence framewor…

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Couples Conflict & Sex don't mix 5:53

6M ago5:53

5:53

Send us a text When there is conflict in the couples relationship, sex and intimacy becomes the first casualty which fly out the window. It is very difficult (sometimes feels impossible) to physically touch the person with whom you are in conflict. Yet, touch is exactly what you need to do to begin to break down the walls set in place by conflict. …

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Sex Addict - first learn Intimacy, Sensuality & Romance, before sex 7:04

6M ago7:04

7:04

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre When there is conflict in the couples relationship, sex and intimacy becomes the first casualty which fly out the window. It is very difficult (sometimes feels impossible) to physically touch the person with whom you are in conflict. Yet, touch is exactly what…

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EMDR for Sex Addicts with unresolved childhood issues 11:02

7M ago11:02

11:02

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Unresolved issues; unprocessed childhood issues, loose canons, unpotted snooker balls - are some of the terms that I use, for the process of work that I do multiple times every day with clients - using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing). Another …

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Sex Addiction: Repairing the damaged couple - The Change Process 9:52

7M ago9:52

9:52

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Have you heard the Joke about the bride who learned her script for what she had to remember on the wedding day - as: 1) Aisle 2) Altar 3) Hymn What has shaped you to be doing life how you are doing life? So often, it is about those childhood development years …

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'I just don't get it - This thing called Marriage or Partnership' 11:49

7M ago11:49

11:49

Send us a text Over 90% of couples that The Kairos Centre counsel, are in conflict because Core Emotional Needs are not being met. Some of those Core Emotional Needs are such things as lack of Security, Respect, Comfort, Affection, Respect. They are not negotiable human needs. They want to be met and we will fight/flight/freeze to get them met. We …

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Repairing the damaged couple post Sex Addiction 9:56

7M ago9:56

9:56

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Over 90% of couples that The Kairos Centre counsel, are in conflict because Core Emotional Needs are not being met. Some of those Core Emotional Needs are such things as lack of Security, Respect, Comfort, Affection, Respect. They are not negotiable human need…

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HOOK UP CULTURE: The Testosterone trap - facts 9:22

7M ago9:22

9:22

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Testosterone in males is at its height in their late teens to early 20's. Women's sex drive does not reach its peak until their late 20's to early 30's. Therefore, a mismatch is going on between the sexes. Aged 15 to 25 years old males have a 4 times higher li…