Is your son pulling away, shutting down, or showing little interest in school or chores? You’re not alone — and there is a way forward. In this third episode of our special 3-part ON BOYS series, we focus on how to foster intrinsic (inner) motivation in boys. Because yes, it’s in there — even when it feels completely buried. We’ll help you understa…

You can’t effectively boost boys’ motivation until you address YOUR anxiety and fear. We know: You want your son to do his homework. To follow through on commitments. To care. So, when he shrugs, resists, or just doesn’t seem to try, your anxiety spikes — and before you even know what’s happening, you’re caught in a spiral of worry about his future…

It is possible to boost boys’ motivation. Doing so, though, starts with understanding why so boys are unmotivated. A big part of it is developmental: apathy and an “I don’t care/I don’t wanna” attitude commonly show up around puberty. As boy grow from boyhood to adulthood, they begin to question their priorities, interests, and goals. That’s a good…

The first episode of ON BOYS podcast went live March 12, 2018. Seven years ago! Over the past seven years, we’ve talked to guests from around the globe: Maggie Dent, Michael Gurian, Amy Lang, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, Steve Biddulph, Richard V. Reeves, Ruth Whippman, and so, so many others. We’re talked about puberty, porn, school, ADHD, autism, e…

Raising Awe-Seekers, the first parenting book by author Deborah Farmer Kris, outlines a transformative approach to parenting based on joy, wonder, and curiosity. Science, Deb says, shown that awe isn’t just a feel-good experience—it also helps kids develop resilience, strengthen relationships, and manage stress. But in a world filled with distracti…

How do you respond to a 6-year-old boy who thinks he has to “play rough” to prove his masculinity? How can you make space a small boy’s emotions when you also have other kids to keep on track? And what do you do, exactly, when your formerly potty-trained son starts having accidents at school? These are some of the questions Jen & Janet tackle in th…

Do boys need a rescue plan? The available evidence says yes. Collectively, our boys are struggling academically, socially, emotionally, and economically. Their academic, educational, and workforce involvement has decreased. Their suicide rates have risen. Ignoring these issues isn’t in our best interest. Fortunately, more and more people are talkin…

How do we help boys along the path to manhood? That’s a question Paul Cumbo, a veteran educator, has been asking for a long time. It’s one he’s well-positioned to answer too, given that he’s spent the past few decades of his life teaching, educating, and coaching teenage boys and young men. His latest book, A Path to Manhood, offers encouragement a…

What if supporting Black boys could transform education for all students? David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, believes it can—and research backs him up. In this episode, David challenges educators to put a deliberate focus on Black boys, not just to address persistent disparities in academic achievement and discipline, but because creating …

Imperfect men helped Greg Hlavaty become a good guy. “I think what saved me were men who stepped in as surrogate fathers,” Greg wrote in a recent essay. Those men weren’t exactly role models: One, Greg says, “was openly racist and bragged about having lobbed bricks from overpasses in his youth.” The other was “a middle-aged alcoholic…who regularly …

Do you know what the parent amplification effect is? Do you know how to use it your (and your kids’!) benefit? “Because of children’s dependency on their parents, any parental remark – positive or negative – gets magnified in the child’s mind,” says Adam Galinsky, a social scientist, business school professor, dad of two boys, and author of Inspire…

What happens when we prioritize independence over connection? According to Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist and author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, it creates a “boy culture” that isolates boys and diminishes their relational skills. Dr. Way has spent 40 years studying boys and uncovering the challen…

Play is a powerful tool for parenting & child development. Mr. Rogers once said “Play is serious learning” and “the work of childhood,” and we and our guest, Georgie Wisen-Vincent, couldn’t agree more. That’s not to say or imply that play is serious or work in the way that most of adults think of “serious” or “work.” Rather, it’s to underscore the …

Modern male puberty starts sooner than you think. Boys today may enter puberty as early as age nine. That’s why your 10-year-old’s mood swings might actually be linked to these new hormonal shifts. As Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett point out in their book, This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, the first sign of puberty often comes…

Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2024? Photo by ALINA MATVEYCHEVA via Pexels Your favorites include: 5. Needed: Boy-Friendly Schools Tyler, a 16-year-old Texas boy, started struggling in middle school. Recess was no more. Classes were 90 minutes long. So, “he found it really hard to sit still in class,” says Julie Jargon, the Wall Street Jou…

Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today! So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, is our Listener Fav of 2024. Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He knows video games and know what works. He also has deep compassion for gamers & their families. If you h…

How often do we really listen to boys & young men? Not nearly often enough! There’s been a lot of chatter lately about boys & young men, masculinity, and the growing gender gap in politics – and very little public input from boys & young men themselves. In this episode, Jen & Janet talk with Lance Walker, a 26 yr old man from Utah. Like so many mal…

We gotta talk about male suicide and mental health. If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the United States. Call 988 or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day. Services are also available en espanol. More than 39,000 b…

If you heard anything at all about the 2024 U.S. presidential election, you likely encountered the term "gender gap." More than half of female voters (53%) voted for Kamala Harris; more than half of male voters (also 55%) voted for Donald Trump. Among young voters, the gender gap was even more pronounced: 61% of women aged 18-29 voted for Harris, c…

How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis? How can we help them navigate life in this digital age? Katey McPherson has been working on these issues for years. Since we last talked in 2019, she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws intended to decrease youth suicide. She’s also helped cou…

Do you know what the “man box” is? Your boys do, whether they know the term or not. The “man box” is the set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors that are considered “manly” in our society. In this episode, Jen, Janet, and Ted Bunch, Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men, explore the complexities boys face in a world that still clings t…

Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and bodies. And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids. Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:…

Raising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant. In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024. Takeaways: Nobody has it all figured out. Letting there be room for not knowing…

Boys need support, not disdain In June 2024, Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, published an article entitled “Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences.” In this episode, he and Jen discuss what boys need & we can best support boys. Ta…

AI — artificial intelligence — is already a big part of our everyday lives. We rely on it to help us get from one place to another. (GPS directions, anyone?) We use it to polish our prose. (Spell check and Grammarly, for instance.) Customer service chatbots and product recommendations based on previous purchases — all of these are built on AI. The …