Struggling to say no without feeling guilty? You're not alone. In this honest conversation about setting boundaries, Shannon and Janine share why "no" really is a complete sentence—even when it doesn't feel like it.

Fresh from juggling surgery prep, family events, and a three-day conference, Shannon opens up about the real challenge of saying no to things you actually want to do. Janine shares her decades-old wisdom from Miss Manners that changed how she sets boundaries forever.

In this episode about saying no and setting boundaries, you'll discover:

• Why over-explaining actually weakens your no (and invites people to argue)
• The "hell yes or no" test that makes decisions crystal clear
• Practical scripts for declining work requests, social invitations, and volunteer commitments
• How to recognize when you're asking too much of yourself
• The relief test that confirms you made the right choice
• Why saying no to good opportunities creates space for great ones (or just rest!)

What We Talk About:

[00:43] Shannon's Complicated Season: When Everything Hits at Once Shannon shares what's been making life complicated: relaunching the podcast, preparing for shoulder surgery in a week, attending her nephew's wedding, visiting her 96-year-old aunt, and attending a conference—all while trying to get everything done before surgery day.

[02:15] The "Perfect Excuse" vs. Real Boundaries Janine asks whether Shannon had opportunities to say no to things she wanted to decline. They discuss when it's appropriate to use an explanation (like upcoming surgery) versus letting no stand alone.

[03:09] Miss Manners and the Full Sentence No Janine shares wisdom from reading Miss Manners cover to cover after college: you never have to give a reason to decline an invitation. This revelation has guided her boundary-setting for decades.

[05:17] Do More of What You Want, Less of What You Don't Janine explains her top goal for the past couple of years and how it's made saying no much easier. She stopped doing volunteer commitments and simply states that without lengthy explanations.

[05:46] Why Over-Explaining Weakens Your No Shannon and Janine discuss how giving long, detailed reasons for declining can make it seem less true—and opens the door for people to argue with you or find loopholes in your excuse.

[08:14] The "Hell Yes or No" Test for Setting Boundaries The hosts explore the trap of defaulting to yes when something feels like a maybe. Key insight: if it's not a "hell yes," it's a no.

[09:25] How Priorities Become Clearer With Age Janine reflects on how getting older has made her priorities crystal clear, making it much easier to discern what deserves a yes and what needs a no.

[10:13] The Kind, Thoughtful No: Setting Boundaries Without Being Rude Shannon emphasizes that your no can be kind and thoughtful—it doesn't have to be rude or unkind. You can decline sincerely and regretfully while still being firm.

[11:27] Saying No to Things You Want to Do Shannon shares the challenge of saying no to things she genuinely wanted to do, including skipping the final sessions of a three-day conference because she was exhausted and had to fly out early the next morning.

[12:42] When You Have to Badger Yourself: A Boundary Red Flag Shannon describes trying to hype herself up to go back to the conference in a "mean way"—and realizing that needing to badger yourself is a big clue that you should say no.

[13:30] Janine's IKEA Meeting Story: Letting Go of Expectations Janine shares how she let go of the expectation to attend her NAPO chapter meeting at IKEA when the timing was too tight. The relief she felt after saying no confirmed it was the right choice.

[14:28] The Relief Test: Your Body Knows the Right Answer Both hosts discuss how the sense of relief after saying no is a good clue that you made the right decision about your boundaries.

[15:19] Asking Too Much of Yourself: Recognizing Your Limits Janine gently points out that Shannon was asking a lot of herself to attend all three days of the conference, especially with an early flight the next morning.

[16:46] The Push and Pull of Conferences and Events Shannon reflects on how conferences and group events (family reunions, weddings) can be fraught with the tension between wanting to do everything and having real limitations on energy and time.

[17:46] Saying No to Volunteering: When Good Things Don't Fit Anymore Shannon shares the difficult decision to step away from volunteering at the pediatric intensive care unit after her first shoulder surgery—and why she chose not to return even after recovery.

[19:42] Your No Opens Opportunities for Others Janine reminds listeners that saying no or stopping something can open opportunities for someone else to step in and enjoy that role or responsibility.

[21:08] Something's Gotta Give: The Real Cost of Not Setting Boundaries Shannon explains that if you don't say no when you lack bandwidth, something will give—whether it's oversleeping (like she did the morning of her 4 a.m. wake-up call) or burning out entirely.

[23:53] Normalizing Boundaries: It's Better for Everyone Shannon emphasizes the importance of normalizing boundaries and recognizing that people can't do everything—and that's okay. It's better for everyone when we're honest about our limits.

[24:13] Know Your Priorities: Your Compass for Saying No Janine wraps up by encouraging listeners to be clear about what's important to them and navigate by that compass—it never lets you down.

10 Key Takeaways: Your Guide to Saying No Without Guilt

✅ No is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone a lengthy explanation for declining an invitation or request. A simple "No, thank you" or "I can't" is enough when setting boundaries.

✅ Over-explaining weakens your no. The more details you add, the more it can seem like you're spinning a story—and it gives people room to argue or find loopholes.

✅ If it's not a "hell yes," it's a no. Don't default to yes when something feels like a maybe. Protect your time and energy for what truly matters by setting clear boundaries.

✅ Your no can be kind and thoughtful. Setting boundaries doesn't have to be rude. You can say no sincerely, regretfully, and firmly all at once.

✅ The relief test works. If you feel a sense of relief after saying no, that's confirmation you made the right choice about your boundaries.

✅ If you have to badger yourself, that's a clue. When you're trying to hype yourself up in a mean way to do something, listen to that signal—it's probably time to say no.

✅ Know your priorities. When you're clear about what's important to you, it becomes much easier to discern what deserves a yes and what needs a no. This clarity makes setting boundaries natural.

✅ Your no opens doors for others. Saying no or stepping away from a commitment can create opportunities for someone else to step in and thrive.

✅ Something's gotta give. If you don't say no when you're stretched too thin, your body or schedule will force the issue—often in less-than-ideal ways.

✅ Boundaries are better for everyone. Normalizing limits and recognizing that people can't do everything helps create healthier, more honest relationships and reduces guilt around saying no.

The Bottom Line on Setting Boundaries

Saying no isn't selfish—it's essential self-care. When you're clear about your priorities and honest about your limits, saying no becomes an act of respect for your own bandwidth. You don't need to over-explain, justify, or apologize for setting boundaries.

A simple, kind no protects your time, energy, and ability to show up well for what truly matters. And when you feel that sense of relief after declining? That's confirmation you made the right call. Learning to say no without guilt is a skill that gets easier with practice.

Try This: Your Action Step for Setting Boundaries

Practice the simple no. This week, try declining one low-stakes invitation or request without offering a detailed explanation. Notice how it feels—and whether the relief that follows confirms it was the right choice. Start small with saying no, and build your boundary-setting confidence.

• YouTube link - If you'd like to watch the conversation, click here!

Connect With Us: Share Your Boundary-Setting Stories

We'd love to hear from you! Do you struggle with saying no without guilt? How do you set boundaries in your life? Let us know:

• Leave us a voicemail: 413-424-GTGE (4843)
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• Email: [email protected]