In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast reflect on attending the peaceful protest Every Pair Tells a Story, led by The SEND Sanctuary.

Key Takeaways

• The Every Pair Tells a Story protest shone a light on thousands of children across the UK who have been left without the education or support they deserve.
• Each pair of shoes represented a child and the pain, resilience, and determination of the families standing behind them.
• Parents and carers united peacefully to demand accountability, compassion, and systemic change.
• The stories of children like Archie, Harper, Izzy, Lucas, and Jackson highlighted the devastating human cost of a broken system.
• Long waiting lists, inconsistent support, and poor understanding within schools continue to fail neurodivergent children.

Mentioned in This Episode

The SEND Sanctuary

ASDivas & Dudes

Fix SEND Dorset

ASCape

The SEND Nurture Network

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Transcript

Victoria Bennion:

Welcome back to the Autism Mums podcast. Thank you for joining us for today's

episode, which is both a bit emotional and I think quite historic.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

I mean, last Monday across England and Scotland, parents and carers came

together for a peaceful protest called Every Pair Tells a Story.

Victoria Bennion:

Pairs of shoes were laid outside council buildings, and each pair represented a

child who's been failed by the education and support systems. Whether that's

been waiting for years for an assessment, missing out on a school place, or

being left without help.

Natalie Tealdi: This

movement led by the Send Sanctuary is about visibility and accountability. It's

about family showing through the quiet power of empty shoes. That our children

deserve better.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah. And we went along to support the protest, didn't we? Nat, which was

outside Dorsett County Council at County Hall in Dorchester. And I dunno about

you, but I did find it really moving. [00:01:00]

I think there were more than 70 pairs of shoes laid outside those council

offices and each pair of shoes represented a child who's been let down by the

system in some way, which I don't know.

Victoria Bennion:

It's really sad. And I think thinking of the shoes as a symbol, they were

really powerful. They represent. The steps that our children should be taking

into school with friendships, with independence, and yet so many can't because

the system just keeps letting them down.

Natalie Tealdi: I

mean, it was so powerful sort of seeing them all laid out and thinking, gosh,

thinking about what that rep represents, like 70 pairs of shoes for 70

children. I mean, yeah, it was quite

Victoria Bennion:

it's shocking and when you see it visually like that, that's the amount of

children who maybe aren't in school or are traumatized by school,

Natalie Tealdi:

that's only in Dorset

Victoria Bennion:

That's only in Dorset it. And when you buy [00:02:00]

those shoes, I don't know if you can remember when you bought your children's

first shoes for school, there is quite a lot of excitement.

Victoria Bennion: You

have so much hope. And then when your child doesn't go to school, these shoes

and you know, for a lot of us, the whole uniforms, they stay there new and

actually what they become is like. That symbol of hope and excitement in the

beginnings are replaced by, feelings of exclusion, waiting, disappointment,

sadness for your child that they can't access something that all their peers

can.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

and I think it's sad for them too because they want to be able to access those

things and they can't.

Victoria Bennion:

It's so much more than the education. It's, the missed friendships. It's the

skills that they don't get to develop. It's the emotional toll on not just the

children, but the families of these children.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

I dunno about you, but I could sort of feel the sadness in the air

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi: that

you know, it, it [00:03:00] was very peaceful

and it was calm and we were all coming together in unity. 'cause we all have

very. Similar stories.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, a hundred percent. I think particularly when families came along to add

their shoes to the collection of shoes outside, it was definitely felt very

sad, and it was a really peaceful day. I mean, the organizers from the SEND

Sanctuary, Aimee, she made it clear that it was about. The loss, the

frustration, and the unity that you mentioned and not anger and yeah, you could

definitely feel that.

Natalie Tealdi: It

was a really sort of proud moment. I mean, it's nice to get together with other

parents who have gone through the same thing. 'cause you, we all have similar

stories and we're on this journey together and exchanging tips and just general

support really standing together.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, you're definitely among people who get it, and that is encouraging in

some way. I mean, it was so busy, wasn't it? We were a little bit involved in

the [00:04:00] organization of the doorstep

part of it, and it was a really busy run up to the event. There were parents

and carers in our group who. Oh my gosh.

Victoria Bennion:

They put so much work into this from running around and collecting shoes from

various drop off points, even collecting from families to make sure that all

those families who couldn't attend were represented. And that's the tricky

thing about these protests, isn't it? Because if your child doesn't have a

school place because they've been failed, you're not necessarily gonna be able

to come to a protest.

Victoria Bennion:

Which is why I think it's so important that. We could be there. So we were

there just to represent them.

Natalie Tealdi:

That's it. I mean, my son was in school and my youngest was with Granny for

that time, so I could be there. But yeah, it's I think it's really important

for us.

Victoria Bennion:

That's right. And I think we're at that place. For some of our children where

we've been through this process and we are lucky enough to have [00:05:00] two of them in specialist schools. And my

daughter's old enough that she was able to come with us while she's waiting for

a school place.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

definitely. Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: So

I don't know if you got a chance to look over the shoes, but all the families

added a tag to each pair of shoes with the child's name that they represented.

And then some of these also had the story of each child, which was really quite

poignant. Did you get to read any of them?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

I did. Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: On

the way over to the protest, I stopped in at Nikki's Little Play Cafe in

Dorchester, which was one of the drop-off points. And Nikki told me the story.

Victoria Bennion: She

gave me one of the pairs of shoes and she said there were from a girl who'd

been so let down by the system and was in a school that. Was so wrong for her

and they couldn't cope with her that she'd been unable to take her GCSEs.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh

gosh.

Victoria Bennion:

When you looked at the tags, there were so many heartbreaking stories on them.

Victoria Bennion: I

mean, maybe we should some of them when you read the stories, [00:06:00] it really brings home the problems that

there are.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

definitely. I read a story about a 12-year-old boy called Archie, who had been

told there was nothing wrong with him in primary school. He was just labeled as

sensitive. So in year seven, he was diagnosed with a DHD. Attending school was

really challenging for him, and one day they got him in, but he was sent home

because he had the wrong style of shoes.

Natalie Tealdi: And

then the doctor asked for a reduced timetable, but the school. Forced him to

build this up to full-time in six weeks and told, they were told if he missed a

day, this privilege would be taken away. And it's resulted in him refusing to

go to school out of fear of being ashamed.

Victoria Bennion: Oh

my God. These poor children.

Natalie Tealdi: If

the schools could be a bit more flexible and a bit more understanding. That

could mean that he could attend if they could be a bit more flexible with the

timetable. I think they're so focused on [00:07:00]

these attendance.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, the focus Is in the wrong place.

Natalie Tealdi: yes.

Victoria Bennion: I

know one of the tanks that I read just said, failed children Become broken

adults. And that really hit home for me because that is what we're talking

about. There was another story that I read about a girl called Harper who was

diagnosed with a ASD and A DHD after waiting two years for her assessments, and

her parent and carer had written the EHCP herself because she said the

teacher's version was so inaccurate.

Victoria Bennion: And

then the new teacher didn't follow it, and she said, as a result of the lack of

support, her child is completely unable to access learning in the classroom.

Natalie Tealdi: It's

shocking, isn't it?

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah it is.

Natalie Tealdi: I

read another one about an 11-year-old girl called Izzy, who's autistic, ADHD,

OCD, and PDA. She reached burnout at seven years old and was signed off school

'cause of her mental health. Her parents and carers have been fighting for her

right to an education [00:08:00] for all of

this time and have failed to get support.

Victoria Bennion: I

just think what is going wrong? Why is a child of seven being left without

access to education for like these most important years of her life?

Victoria Bennion:

Another story that I came across was a 14-year-old boy called Lucas, who was

diagnosed with autism and anxiety, and he was suffering from trauma through

having attended mainstream school and his family had been forced to prove how

unwell he was and then had to go through the pain of watching him struggle

further as he was failed by the system.

Victoria Bennion: And

I know this is something that we talk about. Why do our children have to get to

the point where they fully break? And families and everyone around them have to

watch that happen before they get support. It's just not good enough.

Natalie Tealdi: No,

it is not right.

Natalie Tealdi:

Jackson age six who had SD and I found that schools couldn't meet his needs.

They were more focused on keeping an attendance score, Saying [00:09:00] his lateness due to meltdowns was

affecting the whole class learning. They wouldn't allow a reduced timetable or

support him with any EHCP, so his parents felt he had no choice but to home

educate.

Victoria Bennion:

That should be a choice. Home education. It shouldn't be a last resort that a

parent is pushed into because if you're trying to work I don't know his

parents' situation, but perhaps they had to give up jobs. You hear this all the

time and it's just so wrong.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

it's these stories that really make it hit home. There are just so many of

them, so many families whose lives are being affected.

Victoria Bennion:

They're not isolated cases unfortunately, and it's happening everywhere. And

Dorsett was just one of the counties that was represented. There were thousands

of pairs of shoes, and that's what this movement. Has been trying to show it's

the scale of this crisis and also the human cost behind it.

Natalie Tealdi: It

really does have an impact, and when you see those rows of shoes lined up, it

hopefully it's [00:10:00] impossible to ignore.

I mean, there were 97 locations around the UK represented. It's a silent

protest, but hopefully it speaks louder than any words could.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, I think Carmen McConnell, who coordinated our local hub, she did an

amazing job of bringing everyone together and she's doing really great work

campaigning to get our children the education they deserve. I.

Natalie Tealdi: She

definitely is. And parents and carers dropped in at various points throughout

the day. Some nipping out of work on their lunch breaks.

Victoria Bennion:

That was really lovely to see. I had chatted with a couple of grandparents who

said that their daughter was at work, but had asked them to bring the shoes.

And that's how important it is to people. That's how affected they are. It was

great to see some of the local groups in our area represented.

Victoria Bennion:

There was. People from ASDivas and Dudes Fix SEND Dorset Ascape who do great

work as well, and the SEND nurture network.

Natalie Tealdi: It

was great to have some coverage from the press as well. Radio interviews took

place with BBC Dorset and Greatest Hits Radio Dorset [00:11:00]

and Dorset Echo joined us for interviews and photographs, so that really helped

to raise awareness.

Victoria Bennion:

It's fair to say that it's not as comfortable to give these interviews about.

Our children, I know we've discussed before, how much do you feel comfortable

sharing about your child? And then I know we both concluded that it is

important to highlight these issues as I know you were quoted at the daughter

Echo, talking about your son?

Victoria Bennion: And

the struggles that he used to have at mainstream. But I do think that it's

important that these issues are highlighted other parents are gonna be able to

relate to them, but also just to raise awareness that , this is a really

important issue.

Victoria Bennion: A

complete overhaul of the system is really needed

Victoria Bennion:

and, and early screenings are. So for early screenings.

Natalie Tealdi: Yes,

me too. Early screenings and more training for teachers so that they have the

specialist knowledge. I think all teachers should have the same knowledge as

specialist teachers do.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah,

Natalie Tealdi: [00:12:00] really do.

Victoria Bennion: I

can't remember. It's such a minimal amount of training they get, isn't it,

Natalie Tealdi: was

it less than a day

Natalie Tealdi: in

the whole degree?

Victoria Bennion: And

that's not fair on anyone. It's not fair on them. It's not fair on their class,

Natalie Tealdi: No,

I'm not blaming teachers at all. I just think that, you know, with the

awareness of autism so much greater, they need to have those skills to be able

to support them.

Natalie Tealdi: and

Natalie Tealdi: if

they can't, you know, that's gonna make them stressed.

Victoria Bennion:

yeah, we spoke to that counselor who came down Sturminster Newton, didn't we?

And she was really keen, she said, to listen and to understand more about what

families are going through and actually her presence and her saying that gave

me hope that, that we are raising awareness

Natalie Tealdi: I

really hope so. I think now that we're all working together, it was such a

national movement that really should make a difference. We don't want special

treatment, do we? We just want our children to be able to access education so

that they can reach their potential and not become that tag. 'cause it said

broken adults.

Victoria Bennion:

hundred , it's not [00:13:00] about blame here,

but it is about accountability and it is about change. Every child deserves an

education that meets their needs, and families shouldn't have to fight for

years and years

Natalie Tealdi: I've

seen headlines today about how councils are going into bankruptcy, or they're

so in debt and they're saying it's because of the send transport budget and how

overspent they are with that, that they're really looking at it all wrong

because if they had the education system in place in the first place, or more

specialist schools.

Natalie Tealdi: In

areas so kids didn't have to travel so far, then it would resolve that issue.

Victoria Bennion:

That's one of the...