Beginning in 1984 and off and on, up to 2016, I made a series of audio recordings, first with a boom box cassette recorder, then with a telephone answering machine, then with a mini-DV camera, and finally, with an iPhone. For most of that time I was drunk. Theme song: ”Whoa Dude, Whoa” by Gregory Pepper
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Christmas Eve eve! Poignant tragedy? I could be over here this year—or I could be over here. I could be doin’ great, or I could be doin’ not so great. I dunno. Just tryna do sh*t. And a caroling medley!By 2drunkdudewpw
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drunk & stoned in Bellingham lighthouse room - July 2015
10:35
10:35
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10:35I’m in “the zone.” Weed is legal here! It’s the 21st century and Marty McFly is coming back in October. This is great. More people should be like this. So what if you slur your speech a little. [B’jiggers is a Holiday Inn bar in Galveston TX.]By 2drunkdudewpw
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What’s the point of my story? Is this good? Am I drunk enough, but not too drunk, to be sane but not too sane? This is me, talkin’ to myself, cuz that’s what I do. We live in the world’s most awesome ant farm.By 2drunkdudewpw
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serious and numerous tragedies - April 2006
22:41
22:41
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22:41I’m a slightly more enlightened child than I was before. I’m still going out to bars and meeting women who come in pairs and whose names I have trouble remembering.By 2drunkdudewpw
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a lotta shit’s happened and i’m not tellin’ you much - Sep 2005
5:02
5:02
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5:02I didn’t pay for this. This isn’t the movie I signed up for when I read the poster. It’s highly evolved DNA. It’s f**kin’ badass cool DNA.By 2drunkdudewpw
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after Shonen Knife and The Knack - September 2005
23:20
23:20
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23:20I need to get my legacy together f**kin’ right now. I don’t care if it’s a f**kin’ stone somewhere, or maybe a little kid. Something. A buncha houses?By 2drunkdudewpw
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I don’t know what I mean; I don’t know what I’m sayin’ either. Won’t you please, please won’t you please, please won’t you be my neighbor?By 2drunkdudewpw
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Twenty years go by. Have I done anything? No; I doubt it. “Do you dwell on the wasted years behind you, or the terrifying years ahead?”By 2drunkdudewpw
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I like talking to Jessica. I’m stoked about this boat. It’s frickin’ crazy. Its crazy good. It’s gonna be amazing. All right, so that’s what I know.By 2drunkdudewpw
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I’m not uncomfortable talking to the camera; I’m uncomfortable talking to people. Eloquence is a relative term.By 2drunkdudewpw
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Get a life, too, by the way. You’re sitting at home alone in your apartment doing nothin’. You’re such a loser! Get out and do something, you moron.By 2drunkdudewpw
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After spending 20 years in the U. S. Navy Reserves, I retired as a Commander. They let me make a speech.By 2drunkdudewpw
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It’s a gift I have… I don’t have these burdens that prevent me from stepping outside myself and looking at all the crap that’s going on around here.By 2drunkdudewpw
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Everyone’s married and stuff and I’m bored with a lot of stuff. We’ll see what happens in China.By 2drunkdudewpw
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tryna talk like a Cajun for a play I’m in - 1993
6:08
6:08
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6:08I portrayed a character named Pee Wee in a play for a (pretty damn professional!) theater group. I did my best to do a Cajun accent, but I sucked.By 2drunkdudewpw
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Some idiot came up with this system that everyone has to work hard to make money so they can get things. There’s deep thoughts hiding just beneath the babble.By 2drunkdudewpw
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I’m not tryin’ to impress the literati, you know. Who the hell wants to impress them? I’ve always wanted to make a point and I’ve never had one.By 2drunkdudewpw
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This is definitely not “Krapp’s Last Tape.” It’s more like my lamest tape. I’m bitter; I’m bitter… I’m old and tired and bitter. I’m probably just gonna die.By 2drunkdudewpw
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Denise is about thirty-six and she’s got a little more on her thighs than I am normally attracted to. 1½ beers at her house were not enough beers to get me to go there. #bobsaget (r.i.p.)By 2drunkdudewpw
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Kay’s lounge is walking distance from my tiny garage apartment. Paula’s doofy looking husband’s eye was blackened—like redfish. I wanna be a gameshow host.By 2drunkdudewpw
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aboard the USS Vandegrift, Long Beach, CA - Dec 1987
4:35
4:35
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4:35As a newly assigned U.S. Navy ensign hanging out aboard my ship in port in Long Beach, I’m alone in my 3-man officer’s stateroom. Sing it, Pia Zadora!By 2drunkdudewpw
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Thinkin’ about the good; thinkin’ about the bad; thinkin’ about everything. Yessiree folks, it’s all up to you. Your life is whatever you want it to be, and so is mine.By 2drunkdudewpw
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I failed out of Navy Nuclear Power School in Orlando. Time to pour up a big rum on the rocks and settle back on the couch for a whole bunch of stupid voices.By 2drunkdudewpw
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Halloween & heat transfer, Duke University - Oct 1984
11:56
11:56
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11:56I got a test in my heat transfer class tomorrow. Everyone is going out for “trick-or-drinking.” I could study, but sitting in my room with a bad beer making scary noises (in stereo!) sounds better.By 2drunkdudewpw
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