Code4Couples is the premiere podcast for Law Enforcement relationships hosted by Cyndi Doyle, author of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship, psychotherapist, and a law enforcement spouse working to educate officers and spouse on the impact of law enforcement on their relationship for them to counter the impact and create connected and resilient relationships. She is the author and creator of Hold the Line products including a train the trainer p ...
…
continue reading
Let’s stop living a full time life with half-ass energy and intentions. There’s so much more to who you are in this one incredible life that you get to live. I’m a certified personal trainer and mental health counselor.After having my 7th child, I decided to thread together my two passions: the mind and the body. I want to share my journey with you. We are truly incredible humans. Remembering our worth and sharing our stories will shine the light of hope for all to see. My light sparked when ...
…
continue reading

1
Ep 158: The Wounded Blue: Never Forgotten. Never Alone.
48:41
48:41
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
48:41When Lieutenant Randy Sutton first put on the badge in 1976, policing looked a lot different. Officers could do their jobs without the constant scrutiny of a body camera or the looming fear of public backlash. They were respected. Supported. And even though the job was always dangerous, the culture surrounding officers, both inside and outside the …
…
continue reading

1
Ep 157: Sleep Hygiene for First Responders: Why Sleep Health Matters in First Responder Relationships
49:09
49:09
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
49:09Sleep can feel like a luxury in law enforcement. Between shift work, court schedules, overtime, and home responsibilities, rest often gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list. But here's the truth that people don’t frequently discuss. Your sleep (or lack of it) impacts EVERYTHING: your mood, your health, your safety, your marriage, and even h…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 156: Breaking Down The Armor and The Mental Health Stigma in Law Enforcement
24:18
24:18
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
24:18Law enforcement teaches officers how to handle chaos, make quick decisions, and keep emotions in check to get the job done. But what happens when that same skill set that keeps officers safe on duty starts to create distance at home? For Zachary Saenz, that emotional armor was a survival tool, something he didn’t even realize he was putting on. It …
…
continue reading

1
Ep 155: Undercover Junkie: When the Job Becomes the Rush
59:33
59:33
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
59:33When Brent Cartwright became an undercover narcotics officer, he told his wife, Wesley, that it would be safer. "Bad guys don’t want trouble. They just want your money and to get out of there," he reassured her. After years of unpredictable patrol work, undercover assignments seemed like a shift toward stability, more controlled environments, fewer…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 154: Breaking the Silence: How Copline Supports Law Enforcement Officers and Their Families
28:43
28:43
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
28:43In the world of law enforcement, the weight of the job extends far beyond being on duty. Officers carry the burdens of the job home, often struggling with the effects of trauma, hypervigilance, and emotional exhaustion. Yet, despite being problem-solvers for others, many find it challenging to seek help for themselves. That's where Copline steps in…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 153: Dumpster Fire Days: Navigating the Chaos Together in Law Enforcement Relationships
30:08
30:08
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
30:08Ideally, officers coming home would be able to have 20 to 30 minutes to decompress before engaging with the family, but we all know that sometimes that's just not realistic. Your spouse has a life, a full -time job, manages the household and when you're not there, your family has their own business and their own chaos. Heck, maybe the officer paren…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 152: When Command Presence Comes Homes
17:06
17:06
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
17:06Let’s be honest, relationships can be tough. Add the challenges of a high-stress job like lawenforcement, and things can get even more complicated. If you’ve ever had a disagreement where your officer partner seemed togo into "work mode"—commanding, controlling, and all business—you’re not alone. And officers, maybe you’ve found yourself looking ba…
…
continue reading
Coming home after a long shift as a law enforcement officer should feel like a relief—a return to safety and family. Yet, for many officers and their spouses, this transition is anything but smooth. Hypervigilance, a critical survival mechanism on the job, often spills over into home life, creating tension and disconnection in relationships. Unders…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 150: Building Connection Through Appreciation: A Law Enforcement Family Perspective
23:48
23:48
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
23:48January 9th marks Law Enforcement Appreciation Day—a moment to honor the men and women who protect and serve our communities. However, as we express gratitude for officers, it's crucial to also recognize the families who sacrifice and serve alongside them. Appreciation is not only for special occasions; it’s an essential practice that strengthens t…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 149: Relationship Resolutions for Law Enforcement Couples
24:26
24:26
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
24:26The start of a new year is the perfect time to set goals—not just for personal growth, but for your relationship as well. For law enforcement couples, the challenges of hypervigilance, shift work, stress, and balancing dual careers can create unique roadblocks to connection and communication. Without proactive strategies, these challenges can lead …
…
continue reading

1
Ep 148: Navigating Burnout in Law Enforcement Communities
1:05:42
1:05:42
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:05:42Burnout in law enforcement as an officer or spouse seems inevitable, considering the sacrifices you make and the impact on both of you. It leads to arguments and disconnection. You work hard, juggling work, home, social life, projects, kids, parents, and all the other things. Appointments, meetings, and shifts keep getting added to your calendar, a…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 147: How to Advocate for Police Families After a Traumatic Brain Injury
49:42
49:42
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
49:42In this episode of the Code4Couples podcast, host Cyndi Doyle continues the conversation with Joan Van De Greik about the severe financial impacts following her husband's traumatic brain injury (TBI) sustained in the line of duty. Joan shares the struggles they faced including mounting medical expenses, navigating insurance and workers' comp, the i…
…
continue reading

1
Ep: 146 The Impact of In the Line of Duty Injuries on Law Enforcement Families
55:54
55:54
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
55:54There's an injury to the head on the job. If it's an open wound, it gets addressed, stapled up, and healed. As time goes on, you or your spouse notices that you're different. You're changing your mood, your drive, your impulsivity and your memory isn’t what it used to be. You aren't sure what's happening. Despite what looks fine externally, you kno…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 145: Indirect Trauma in Law Enforcement Relationships
49:00
49:00
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
49:00In a dual first responder home, there are times when first person and vicarious trauma must coexist. We may experience the traumatic incident firsthand and then hear the other person's view of the same incident when we are home together. While the differing perspectives can be beneficial, it's not always true. Everyone reacts to a singular incident…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 144: Trauma in Law Enforcement Families
51:23
51:23
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
51:23As a couple, we are aware that officers and their families can be impacted by the job. Sometimes, the impact is trauma. That trauma can be direct or indirect. Secondary traumatic stress can impact officers, spouses, children, or even extended family and friends. We need to be aware of the signs and symptoms to help ourselves and those we love. Expe…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 143: Hypervigilance in Law Enforcement Families
51:00
51:00
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
51:00Hypervigilance allows officers to stay aware and safe on the job. As an officer or spouse, you may be aware or have a general understanding of hypervigilance. You may even understand that what goes up must come down. Sadly, that single biological process that keeps our officers safe, can spill over like a tsunami in our relationships. We need to be…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 142: Thriving in and out of the career
55:57
55:57
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
55:57In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews Brian Ellis, a retired law enforcement officer and creator of Magnus Worx, about the importance of wellness and resilience in the law enforcement profession. Wellness is not just a physical issue, but also a mental one, and it is crucial for law enforcement organizations to prioritize the well-be…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 141: Must have Conversations for Every Law Enforcement Couple
48:07
48:07
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
48:07My husband and I were super naive when it came to understanding how his job was going to impact our relationship. I saw it as a career path, just like any other. I mean, sure, there was danger and shift work, but what more could there be? No one told us what to expect or how to make sure our relationship stayed solid. As a couple new to law enforce…
…
continue reading
Moral Injuries are a significant yet often unrecognized issue among first responders. Understanding what a moral injury is and recognizing its potential impact on careers and families is crucial to their overall wellness. In this episode, Judy Couwels talks about what moral injuries are, how to recognize them, and how to combat their impact. The Fi…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 139: Communication Challenges in Special Assignments
52:52
52:52
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
52:52Communication and connection are a challenge for all of us in law enforcement relationships. There are some extra special challenges when you're on call all the time or you're in situations where you just can't talk due to being in a special assignment such as undercover work or maybe the part of a SWAT team. Heather Williams, a law enforcement pro…
…
continue reading

1
FitMinded Living - Collaboration over Competition
33:16
33:16
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
33:16Welcome to Fitminded Living, the podcast where we explore topics related to health, wellness, and empowerment. In this special episode, we delve into the power of collaboration over competition, featuring two inspiring girl bosses who are making waves in their respective industries. Join us as we sit down with Melissa DiMecurio and Chandra Metz, tw…
…
continue reading
“I just don't want to burden my spouse with what I experience on the job” is a way of protecting the people that you love. I always thought my husband was open only to find out later that this happened a few times within our relationship. Most of the time an officer's spouse and family sense that something is up. It bleeds over. While protecting th…
…
continue reading
We have all worked in a toxic work environment due to the workplace culture, co-workers, supervisors, or the work itself. Stephanie Kiesow is a former law enforcement officer, cop kid, and cop’s wife. She saw how work impacted her parents, their mood, and in turn the family. She started her career in law enforcement at 18 and in 2011, when her…
…
continue reading
In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews John Blumenthal, a Retired Master Sergeant (Ret.) with the Oklahoma City Police Department. Blumenthal shares his personal journey of struggling with trauma and making poor choices, which led to the deterioration of his relationships with his family. He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing w…
…
continue reading
We all know that this lifestyle means long hours and lots of stress. Loss of sleep only impacts stress further. When does stress become burnout? Burnout is oftentimes a precursor to more serious mental health issues. If we could catch burnout or even work to prevent burnout, officers would be safer on the job and relationships are potentially more …
…
continue reading

1
Ep 134: Communication and Trauma Response after Critical Incidents
1:09:44
1:09:44
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
1:09:44Katie Bingner is a counselor in Maryland, a law enforcement spouse, and a communications coach for law enforcement couples. I just assumed that her wife worked in Maryland. I was wrong. She works in Washington, DC. That led me to ask about January 6th and come to find out, her wife was in the thick of it. What started as an interview about connecti…
…
continue reading
There is a holiday song that always makes my husband and I laugh. It is Bob Rivers singing "The Twelve Pains of Christmas," and it's funny because it is sadly and hilariously true. The lyrics are the first thing about Christmas that's such a pain to me and he goes through a list. The first one is finding a Christmas tree, rigging up the lights, and…
…
continue reading
You may or may not know who Dr. Ellen Kirschman is, but you’ve certainly been impacted by her. I think of Ellen as the godmother of police psychology. She has paved the way for many counselors and spouses with her books, I Love A Cop and Counseling Cops. She was one of the first, if not the first, to offer workshops for spouses to understand their …
…
continue reading
Before I met Allison Uribe, I came across her book, Cuffs and Coffee: A Devotional for Wives of America's Law Enforcement Officers. When we met in 2019 at a conference in Ohio where we were both speaking, I realized that Allison was not only a lot of fun but that she had grit. She will fess up to not handling situations the best way possible early …
…
continue reading

1
Ep 130: Retirement in Dual Law Enforcement Relationships
49:39
49:39
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
49:39No one I know is more out in our community as a dual law enforcement couple sharing their story than Cathy and Javier Bustos. I interviewed them several years ago on episode 46 when they were both still working in law enforcement and growing with their company, That Peer Support Couple. They shared their unique lens on being an officer and a spouse…
…
continue reading
The holiday season can be challenging for any couple. For law enforcement couples, we know that it's going to bring an absence to regularly scheduled events and rituals. What can be kind of nice is the increased need for off-duty officers at shopping centers and churches, or the overtime that comes with having to work events, or the holidays themse…
…
continue reading
Resilience is one of those words that gets shared in our community. But, what does it mean to be resilient, and how do we get there? Resilience isn’t about “bouncing back” but arriving at the understanding that your life has shifted or changed because of what has occurred. Resilience is about making meaning from what we have experienced. In this ep…
…
continue reading
As a law enforcement officer, you spend a lot of time helping other families during and after a crisis. You spend much of your time arresting people who are driving drunk, using drugs, stealing, or other illegal activities and you've probably called people who engage in those activities "losers", "idiots", "scumbags" or other derogatory names. Now,…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 127: Common Issues in Law Enforcement Relationships
31:33
31:33
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
31:33This week's podcast is a little bit of a spin. Adam Davis interviewed me for a conference he produced early this year. He had some good questions, so the interview was pretty alright. (HA) I asked him if I could share this interview on my podcast. Of course, he said yes. In this interview, I talk about a few ways that the job of law enforcement can…
…
continue reading

1
Encore: Domestic Violence or Bad Behavior?
41:03
41:03
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
41:03There are a lot of statistics that go around with law enforcement and domestic violence. "Google 40% in Law Enforcement or maybe just the comment "40%." Those are the comments I sometimes get in my posts or in my reels on Instagram. I know exactly what it means when I read it. They are referring to the popular statistic that 40% of Law Enforcement …
…
continue reading
Garrett TeSlaa, host of the Squad Room podcast and Lieutenant in Southern California, reached out to me and asked if I had done a podcast on "men’s work." I had to give him a hard time about men’s work versus women’s work, and we joked around about it, but what he really meant was what I thought. It’s easier for women to do certain things like read…
…
continue reading
Michael Laidler is an experienced law enforcement officer and a lieutenant with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, but when you meet him, he's not LT or Lieutenant. He's Michael Laidler, Lieutenant. Along the way, he has realized that it's incredibly important to remind himself that law enforcement has a role in his life, but it is not his entire life.…
…
continue reading
Imagine you sustain an injury on the job as an officer, an injury that takes you out of work for a while. Now, imagine what it would be like if no one in the department called to check on you. Imagine being that spouse who is taking care of the officer, still needing to work, picking up all the household duties, and still trying to physically take …
…
continue reading
You're going from call to call and there is finally a moment when things slow down. You start to realize you haven't even thought about eating, much less had time to eat on your 12 hour shift that you're now seven hours into. In fact, you're actually really hungry, but you're lunch, dinner, or whatever meal you want to call it is at the PD in the f…
…
continue reading
There are some people that just inspire you to be better. Kristofor Healey is one of those people. Kristofor was an award-winning special agent with the government for over 15 years, taking on some of the world's most notorious criminal organizations. He's a keynote speaker, a coach, podcast host, and the author of The Indispensable Man, which he d…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 121: Connection at Home with the Lt's Daughter
46:10
46:10
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
46:10As a child growing up in a police family, Katherine Boyle didn't really understand what her dad did for a living. To her, it was just her life. Looking back, she sees the things that she thinks her dad did right for her to feel safe and for them to have a close relationship to this day. Katherine is the “Lt’s daughter”. She's making waves on social…
…
continue reading
On Thursday, September 1st 2022, I decided to go to work at the office for a couple of hours. I was texting with my husband, and we were joking around as I packed up. Then he said, “I don’t feel right, get home.” I immediately got into the car and started driving the 17 miles home. At a stoplight in town, I got a text that said, “Call 911?” I said,…
…
continue reading
Maybe this will sound familiar to you. You haven't seen each other for a while because you are working shifts and missing each other due to schedules, stress with family, work, and kids. You finally get a small amount of time together and one of you wants to make the most of this time to have sex, but as soon as you start trying to make the moves, …
…
continue reading
You finish a call, and it went well, but something's not sitting right. You feel bad, kind of guilty, or maybe even a little shameful. You see your friend that was just involved in an officer involved shooting recently, and people are going by and letting them know that it was a good shot, you know, it was a good shot. He's even been cleared. But y…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 117: The Badge, The Bottle and My Better Half
52:03
52:03
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
52:03There are some people I encounter that I immediately get a good vibe from. I met John Monaghan virtually on a call we were both on and he subtly mentioned that he had overcome an addiction to alcohol and spoke with passion about officer mental health and the impact on the family. I mentioned something about vulnerability and taking off emotional …
…
continue reading

1
Ep 116: Boxing up Emotions: The Good and Bad
48:27
48:27
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
48:27If you’re an officer, you may find yourself using compartmentalization to stay focused and act in stressful situations. As spouses, we want our officers and first responders to be able to utilize this skill because it keeps them attentive and safe. However, compartmentalization can have some unintended fallout in terms of the ability to feel presen…
…
continue reading

1
EP 115: Are Your Love Languages Transactional?
51:14
51:14
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
51:14The most popular idea that couples have regarding relationships seems to be the five love languages. I've heard many couples talk about knowing their own love languages and some even know their partner's love language. If each other’s love languages are known, one would think your relationship’s needs would be met, but that is not always the case. …
…
continue reading

1
Ep 114: Financial Wellness in Law Enforcement
45:09
45:09
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
45:09All right, raise your hand if you sometimes find yourself scrolling on Amazon and adding a few things to your cart. Or maybe you find yourself really focused on wanting to take that next big trip or get that new gun or fishing pole. Maybe you just get tired of cooking and order takeout, maybe a little too much. Some of those impulse decisions can l…
…
continue reading
Many of you know that I'm not a parent. Even though I wasn't able to have the personal experience of raising a child in a law enforcement family, I often feel confident when fielding questions regarding the impact on children. However, I do seek out people that have firsthand knowledge, experience, stories, and expertise so that you as a parent can…
…
continue reading

1
Ep 112: Communication Differences Between Men and Women: The Four Positions
48:09
48:09
Play later
Play later
Lists
Like
Liked
48:09My husband and I often have struggles, frustrations, and miscommunication. When we're talking, we may miss what the other person is wanting or needing in order to connect. Many times, I want to go deeper into something, and he tells me there's not anything deeper to be said. He will sometimes make what I think is a controversial statement and my re…
…
continue reading