The Vulnerability Myth (Part 3)

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Developing Emotional Autonomy in Relationships

How do we navigate this vulnerability? By building emotional Autonomy. This means taking ownership of your emotions—understanding them, and managing them. It’s about knowing yourself and being responsible for your emotional state rather than numbing out or blaming others.

Emotional Autonomy vs. Emotional Immaturity:

Emotional Immaturity: “You made me feel this way.” / “I’m fine” (when it’s not true).
Emotional Autonomy: “I feel this way. It’s okay to feel this. I’m going to own this emotion and use my resources to support myself. So I can show up as my best self in all my relationships.”

Steps to Emotional Autonomy :

Be curious & Non-Judgmental while Identifying body sensations, emotions, and feelings.
Communicate and explore these feelings with a trusted support system.
Own your emotional well-being—stop blaming others for how you feel.
Take proactive steps to work through distressing emotions.

What does it look like to practice emotional autonomy in each circle of relationships?

Circle #1 Relationship: Self

This is where we discover self. It is internal and eternal. It is the basis of creativity and resourcefulness. It is here we discover the purpose and passion of existence. It is where inspiration can be found. It is the spring of self-love, acceptance, value and authenticity.

Circle #2 Relationship: Intimate

This is where we express our deepest self in the deepest way. This is the relationship of closest vulnerability and authenticity. This intimacy will find expression in sexuality. (i.e. spouse, sexual partner)

Circle #3 Relationship: Select Few

This relationship involves individuals to whom there is the deepest bond and devotion. It is a relationship that experiences sincere vulnerability and validity without sexuality. It establishes earnest trust (i.e. close sibling, dearest friends...)

Circle #4 Relationship: Few

These are relationships we do life with. There is association at mutually connected events like reunions, weddings, funerals, interest groups, (i.e. friendships, family, extended family, associates)

Circle #5 Relationship: Mandatory

These are the relationships we do because we have to. They are the associations that revolve around our ‘to do’ list. There is usually a common purpose or goal for the association. (i.e. Work and necessary commitments)

Circle #6 Relationship: Peripheral

These are people we keep at arms length for one of two reasons: one, these people have hurt us before and would probably do it again given a chance or two, these people need something every time they make contact. These are (i.e. adversaries, acquaintances, codependent relationships, service clubs)

Circle #7 Relationship: Temporal

This is the stuff of life. In this circle are the things that 100 years from now will have no value to us and 10 years from now will not mean as much as they do today. These are the houses, the cars and the toys of life. They also encompass things that we can get comfort from that have the potential to form addictions (food, drugs, alcohol, pornography, …)

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