Ever wonder why money arguments with your partner feel so much bigger than the actual dollars involved? Marriage and family therapist David Jones reveals the powerful emotional undercurrents that drive financial conflicts in relationships.
Jones introduces a compelling metaphor: money disagreements are merely visible waves on the surface, while beneath runs a powerful emotional undertow that determines how couples navigate all challenges. "It's not about the money," he explains. "It's about the cycle that couples find themselves in that is emotionally driven."
Drawing from attachment theory, Jones demonstrates how childhood experiences shape our money mindsets. Some develop a scarcity perspective from financial insecurity, while others adopt an abundance approach – when these clash in relationships, conflict naturally follows. More revealing is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic, where one partner persistently raises financial topics while the other avoids them. Surprisingly, the avoider often cares deeply but withdraws from fear of inadequacy or rejection.
The solution isn't better budgeting tools but creating emotional safety through "metacommunication" – discussing how we feel about money conversations before tackling actual numbers. Jones offers practical communication strategies: using "I messages" instead of accusatory statements, approaching discussions with curiosity instead of blame, and prioritizing listening over speaking.
Perhaps most valuable is Jones' insight into financial infidelity, which ranges from deliberate deception to avoidance behaviors rooted in shame. Through his Emotionally Focused Therapy approach, he demonstrates how addressing the underlying emotional needs creates the secure foundation necessary for financial teamwork.
Want to transform your financial relationship? Stop focusing exclusively on dollars and start creating the emotional safety needed for vulnerable conversations. When couples achieve this security, they become "unstoppable" in facing financial challenges together, regardless of their severity.
Guest: David Jones
Secure Connection Counseling: https://secureconnectioncounseling.com/
Phone: 435-767-1532
Host Carisa Bertrand, AWMA:
DucCharme Wealth Management: https://ducharmewealth.com/our-team/
Phone: 435-288-3396
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[00:00:00] Intro.
[00:02:10] Money Mindsets in Relationship Dynamics.
[00:06:20] Attachment Theory and Financial Behaviors.
[00:10:00] Navigating Mismatched Money Beliefs.
[00:14:30] Creating Safe Financial Conversations.
[00:21:30] Financial Infidelity and Avoidance Patterns.
[00:27:30] Emotionally Focused Therapy Approach.
[00:30:00] Key Takeaways for Relationship Communication.
DISCLAIMER:
Information presented on this program is believed to be factual and up-to-date, but we do not guarantee its accuracy, and it should not be regarded as a complete analysis of the subjects discussed. Discussions and answers to questions do not involve the rendering of personalized investment advice, but are limited to the dissemination of general information. A professional advisor should be consulted before implementing any of the options presented. Encompass More Asset Management LLC is a registered investment adviser with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) and only transacts business in states where it is properly registered, or is excluded or exempted from registration requirements.