In this episode of Fighting Matters, Stephan Kesting of Grapplearts and Jeff Shaw of Bellingham BJJ sit down with clinical psychologist, author, and BJJ black belt Dr. David Ley to challenge everything you think you know about gender.
Is “alpha male” behavior really about dominance and strength? Or is it just bad psychology wrapped in influencer hype? Dr. Ley breaks down the biological, psychological, and cultural science behind gender norms, toxic masculinity, and the emotional hunger many men bring to the Jiu-Jitsu mat.
From PowerSlap to Jordan Peterson to NoFap, we explore how pseudoscience and insecurity get weaponized—and how grappling can offer men a healthier, evidence-based path forward.
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👥 Featuring:
Dr. David Ley – Clinical Psychologist, Author, BJJ Black Belt
Jeff Shaw @BellinghamBJJ
Stephan Kesting @StephanKesting
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🧠 Topics We Cover:
• The real psychology of “alpha males”
• How hostile masculinity leads to loneliness and harm
• Why BJJ helps men form healthy, platonic bonds
• The gender equality paradox: more freedom, more difference
• Is toughness always a virtue—or just a blunt force fantasy?
• Why touch, teamwork, and problem solving matter more
• How pseudoscience fuels fascist masculinity movements
• What “white knighting” critics get completely wrong
• The role of Jiu-Jitsu in reshaping modern masculinity
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📖 Chapters:
00:00 Defining Masculinity
06:09 Cultural Constructs of Masculinity
12:05 Toxic Masculinity vs. Healthy Masculinity
18:43 The Role of Jiu-Jitsu in Masculinity
25:32 Problem Solving and Masculinity
28:03 Healthy Masculinity in Sports
30:06 Protecting the Vulnerable: A Discussion on Masculinity
32:19 The Role of Empathy and Pretending
34:02 Masculinity and Femininity as a Spectrum
35:55 The Alt-Right and Masculinity Influencers
38:20 Cuckolding and Masculinity
41:23 Toxic Femininity: A Counter Perspective
44:50 Guidance for Healthy Masculinity