What makes someone capable of killing the person they claim to love? Dr. David Adams has spent over four decades searching for answers by interviewing both survivors and perpetrators of intimate partner violence.
As co-founder of Emerge, the world's first counseling program for men who abuse women, Adams takes us behind the facade of abusive relationships to expose the calculated tactics abusers use to trap their victims. The patterns he's uncovered are chilling: 75% of men who eventually murdered their partners began with first-date sex, and the average courtship before moving in together was just three months. These aren't coincidences but deliberate strategies of control.
Adams walks us through the four phases of abusive relationships—from the deceptive "honeymoon phase" of excessive attention and romance through escalating control, normalized violence, and ultimately deadly threats. Perhaps most disturbing is his revelation that many killers found "comfort" in knowing murder was an option if their partner tried to leave.
Drawing from both professional expertise and personal tragedy (Adams lost his mother to domestic violence at age 17), this conversation offers rare insight into the minds of abusers while providing practical knowledge that could save lives. Whether you work in law enforcement, victim services, or simply want to understand the warning signs of dangerous relationships, this episode provides crucial information about how to recognize entrapment strategies before they turn deadly.