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The episode kicks off with Moroni welcoming listeners and the banter immediately takes a left turn, covering everything from bizarre fan interactions to overly ambitious birthday plans involving Vegas and tequila. The hosts dive into an on-air review of a tequila-based concoction, inevitably sparking a drunken math debate about alcohol tolerance versus temple worship.
The chaos reaches a peachy climax with the backstory of their drink of the day, the "Preach Bellini," born from a cruise mishap and a blender full of questionable decisions. Abigail’s self-proclaimed title of "soup slut" derails the discussion into a brainstorm for a soup-and-brothel hybrid business. Naturally, this segues into a hilariously disjointed review of Gladiator 2, leading aaaAAAaaa to share an unsolicited opinion on Daniel Radcliffe's "critically acclaimed chest hair." It’s unhinged, unpredictable, and somehow just the intro.
Scriptures: [00:16:57]
aaaAAAaaa gives the scrippys an irreverent tech-industry twist, hilariously reimagine D&C 70, 71, and 72 as an Apple keynote with Joseph Smith pitching revelations in skinny jeans and a pirate shirt.
D&C 70: Marketed as the first paywall for God’s words, focusing on the "priceless value" of revelations while sneakily introducing a subscription plan for church publications.
D&C 71: The "Clapback Commandment," turning criticism into PR gold by weaponizing truth like a slick marketing strategy.
D&C 72: A divine HR performance review for bishops, complete with micromanagement and eternal probation.
The hosts imagine Joseph Smith as a crypto-bro hustling meme coins and MLM schemes in modern times, leading to tangents about the dubious nature of both crypto and certain church callings. It’s a mix of biting satire and theological hot takes that’s equal parts brainy and blasphemous.
Church Teachings: [00:32:13]
Guest host Claudia dives into Mark E. Peterson’s 1954 talk "Race Problems as They Affect the Church", offering a biting critique of its defense of segregation and opposition to interracial marriage. Claudia dissects the absurdity of Peterson’s arguments, pointing out his moral gymnastics and the church’s awkward attempts to sweep this history under the rug.
The discussion weaves in personal anecdotes and modern perspectives, highlighting how far the church has come—or hasn’t. With a healthy dose of sarcasm, the hosts contrast Peterson’s outdated rhetoric with modern genetics, leaving listeners with equal parts anger and laughter at the sheer absurdity of it all.
History: [0054:53]
Abigail introduces *Stilix*, her snarky new AI research assistant, to help unravel the life of B.H. Roberts, the early LDS historian and church leader with a penchant for polygamy and controversial research. Roberts’ work on the "Views of the Hebrews"—a book with suspicious parallels to the Book of Mormon—is the focus, with Abigail gleefully unpacking the drama.
Key parallels between the two texts include divided civilizations, prophetic themes, and even a "white god" figure that screams plagiarism louder than a college kid copying Wikipedia. The hosts mock the church’s dismissal of Roberts’ findings, imagining him as a frustrated historian throwing papers into the air while the church leadership calmly shelves his research in the "Do Not Open" drawer.
Abigail’s critique

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