EP 220: The #1 Phrase That is Toxic to Your Best Self + The Decision-Making Framework That Actually Works

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EP 220: The #1 Phrase That is Toxic to Your Best Self + The Decision-Making Framework That Actually Works

3d ago 24:56

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Are you stuck in the cycle of starting and stopping recovery? Always "trying" but never fully committing? In this game-changing episode, Lindsey reveals how one simple phrase is sabotaging your progress and keeping you trapped in what she calls "decision defaulting." Learn the neuroscience behind why "I'm trying" programs your brain for failure, and discover the powerful mindset shift that transforms chronic restarters into recovery success stories. If you're tired of living in the "maybe someday" space and ready to make decisions that stick, this episode will revolutionize your approach to healing.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

The psychology behind "decision defaulting" and why your brain prefers it
How the phrase "I'm trying" creates neural pathways for partial commitment
The difference between illusion of control vs. real personal power
Specific language shifts that activate "implementation intention"
Why your eating disorder wants you to stay in "trying" mode
A concrete challenge to break the decision defaulting cycle this week
How to know when you're ready for professional support vs. continued self-help

Key Moments & Timestamps

Opening CTA for Consultation (0:30-2:00) Lindsey speaks directly to chronic restarters and those hesitant to start recovery

What is Decision Defaulting? (2:00-5:00) "'Trying' is just a socially acceptable way of avoiding responsibility for your choices."

Client Story: Emma's 3-Year Trying Cycle (3:30-4:30) How one client's language shift changed everything in recovery

The Neuroscience of Decision Defaulting (5:00-8:30) Why undernourished brains default to tentative language and how trauma responses play a role

From Trying to Deciding: The Power Shift (8:30-12:00) Specific examples of language that creates commitment vs. escape routes

Your Decision-Making Challenge (12:00-14:00) Two concrete options to practice decisive action this week

Powerful Quotes from This Episode

On Decision Defaulting: "Decision defaulting is when you avoid making definitive choices because not deciding feels safer than deciding 'wrong.'"

On the Trying Trap: "When you say 'I'm trying,' you're leaving yourself an escape route. You're keeping one foot out the door. You're protecting yourself from the vulnerability of full commitment."

On Neural Pathways: "Every time you make a definitive choice and follow through, you strengthen the neural pathways associated with self-efficacy and personal agency. Every time you default on a decision, you reinforce the pathways associated with helplessness."

On Eating Disorder Strategy: "Your eating disorder wants you to keep 'trying.' It wants you to stay in that wishy-washy space where you're sort of committed but not really. Because as long as you're just trying, you're not a real threat to its control over your life."

On Real Power: "The power isn't in making perfect decisions. The power is in making decisions and sticking with them long enough to see what happens."

Language Shifts That Change Everything

Instead of: "I'm trying to eat regular meals"
Decide: "I'm deciding to eat breakfast at 8am, lunch at 1pm, and dinner at 6pm, regardless of how I feel about it"

Instead of: "I'm trying to be less active"
Decide: "I'm deciding to take three complete rest days this week and limit exercise to 30 minutes on active days"

Instead of: "I'm trying to stop weighing myself"
Decide: "I'm deciding to remove the scale from my house and ask my roommate to hide it"

Instead of: "I'm thinking about getting help"
Decide: "I'm deciding to schedule consultation calls with three recovery coaches this week"

This Week's Decision Challenge

Option 1: The Immediate Action Decision Choose ONE thing you've been "trying" to do in recovery and make a definitive decision about it today. Write it down: "I am deciding to _______." Take one concrete action within 24 hours.

Option 2: The Support Decision If you've been "thinking about" getting help, either decide you're going to take action and schedule consultations or decide you're not ready and stop the maybe-someday torture.

Scientific Research Referenced

Dr. Carol Dweck's studies on language and behavior creating neural pathways
Dr. Peter Gollwitzer's research on implementation intentions (2-3x more likely to follow through)
Dr. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion and decision-making fear

Ready to Stop Decision Defaulting?

Free Consultation with Lindsey If you're ready to stop the cycle of starting and stopping recovery, or finally take that first real step into healing, Lindsey is offering complimentary consultation calls.

During your call, you'll get clarity on:

Where you are vs. where you want to be in recovery
What kind of support would best serve your specific situation
Whether working together makes sense for your journey
Your next right step forward (with no pressure or obligation)

Schedule your call: www.herbestself.co Lindsey personally responds to every application within 48 hours

Connect With Lindsey

If This Episode Hit Home

Please rate, review, and subscribe to the Her Best Self podcast. Your support helps more women discover that they have the power to stop "trying" and start deciding their way to freedom.

Share this episode with someone who's been stuck in the "trying" cycle - they need to hear that their power lives in their decisions, not their intentions.

Remember: You are not broken. You are not weak. You are just ready to stop defaulting and start deciding. Your future self is waiting for you to choose her over your eating disorder, your dreams over your fears, your healing over your habits.

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