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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ever wondered why your narcissist experience feels different than someone else's? One moment they're charming. The next, they're ice, cold or worse playing the victim. In today's episode, we're breaking down the four main types of narcissists and how each one uniquely wrecks your piece. How lovely of them. So if you've been confused, stuck or second guessing your reality, girl, I've been there, but the clarity is coming. So let's go. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and drive ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here. To feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:04)
Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you, so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Welcome back to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast where we reclaim peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse. I'm your host, Christy Jaden. Today we're calling out the many faces of narcissism because not all narcissists look the same. Some are loud and in your face, some hide behind fake humility. Some are so covert you don't even realize what's happening until you've become a shell of who you used to be. So we're going to shine a light on these patterns and help you name the one you're dealing with or healing from.

(02:04)
And queen naming it is a very powerful first step to taking your peace back. So you might be wondering, does it really matter what kind of narcissist I dealt with? My answer is yes. That's why we're here. So because the way a covert narcissist manipulates you is wildly different from how an overt one does, and if you don't understand the specific tactics used on you, you may keep replaying those wounds in your mind thinking it was your fault. So understanding the type brings clarity, which brings relief. We like that you love a little relief. Yeah, language to describe your experience and empowerment, to set those specific boundaries. That's the really, really, that's the gold right here. Or in some cases going full. No contact. If you are in a space, you can do that. So let's get into it. Number one, the overt narcissist. We can call this the obvious one.

(03:09)
This is the one most people think of loud, arrogant, controlling, often very aggressive signs of that include bragging constantly like, oh yeah, and I got this house and I got this car. Or oh, even. It could even be an extension to their children. Oh, my kid does this and that, and yes, and I did that when I was young and goes on and on. Everything is about them and everything is grandiose. Then demeaning others to feel superior. They could be talking about people at their job. You could experience it. You're out with them to eat, and they're treating the wait staff like trash. They're putting other people down. The third thing is outbursts. When they are criticized, this is a big one. If you're familiar with walking on eggshells, this is probably them. They wanted control and admiration at all costs. So if they're criticized at all, even just a teensy bit, they are going to turn not happy real quick.

(04:19)
Okay, number two is the covert narcissist. This is the victim. This one is sneakier. They seem kind, soft spoken, maybe even shy sometimes, but underneath they play the victim. They use guilt to control the guilt trips. Those are just the worst, aren't they? And they will emotionally withdraw as punishment. This one is huge. So think about that. Is the covert narcissist in your life? This is one of the big signs, emotionally withdrawing. You might not have seen that it was punishment, but it is. So we're starting to connect some dots here. You may have found yourself constantly apologizing and never feeling quite good enough, even though they acted like you were the problem. Okay? So you're apologizing when you feel like maybe you didn't do anything, but they're making you out to be the problem. Okay? So the third is the communal narcissist. This is the saint.

(05:36)
They look like the good guy we talked about in a very recent episode. They can very much be the goodbye. A good guy, I can't speak today, maybe a pastor, a teacher, a charity worker. They look great. They're a saint to the outside world. They help others to be seen as a hero, though, not because they genuinely care. And if you're really close to them, you can see signs of that. But they'll say things like, I do so much for everyone and no one appreciates me. And this is a pattern, and this is a personality trait. So I just want to shout out to a lot of you moms here, we all might say that at some point, right? In our homes. So this isn't like anyone who ever says, no one appreciates me. We have our moments. This is a pattern, it's a personality trait.

(06:38)
And they do it with many people that are close to them behind closed doors, and in a manipulative way. This isn't just a raw meltdown because they've just reached the end of the rope and they're having a hard day. This is a common thing for the communal narcissist. It's manipulation, masked as virtue. Okay, look at all I do and woe is me. Okay? Number four, this is, ugh, the malignant narcissist, the dangerous one. They're all dangerous, but this is a step up. This one combines narcissism with aggression and maybe violence. So first, they actually enjoy watching others suffer.

(07:34)
Number two, on this, they can be emotionally or physically abusive. That obviously steps it up in the danger zone. And a lot of people come to me complaining about gaslighting. Ding, ding, ding. Here we are. They often gaslight and intimidate. If you felt scared or emotionally destroyed in the dynamic of the relationship you were in, please know you are not crazy. And I know you're probably starting to figure that out, but it can take a minute. You were dealing with the darkest kind of narcissist, okay? Think about that narcissist. I mean all around. Not good news. And you were dealing with the darkest kind and healing from this takes serious support and self-compassion, of course. So be good to yourself. Give yourself grace during this time. So what if you heard all those and you're not really sure? Sometimes they don't fit neatly into a little narcissist box.

(08:49)
You might see traits from multiple types, and that is totally fine. The point isn't to label them with an exact name, right? One of these four or else, no. It's to understand what was done to you, how it impacted you, and how to reclaim your voice and your power now. So if you're still asking, well, why do I feel so broken after someone who seemed nice? Chances are you were dealing with a covert or a communal narcissist, and naming it isn't just validating, it is freeing. You can now know that and research even more. And I'll be doing more episodes. And obviously if you want to work one-on-one with me, we can go deeper into the specifics of the person you were in relationship with or that you're healing from. So we know what next steps to take specifically for you. So if you want to work one-on-one with me, I always have my link in there to do that.

(09:57)
And if you are learning how to set boundaries with any of these narcissists, I have my Empowered Boundaries Course. Guys, this is 50% off because I don't know if I actually announced it on my podcast. I sent an email out, but I don't know if I announced it. So I'm going to extend it for a few more days. 50% off, which I don't think I've ever done that. If I did, it was a very long time ago. 50% off My Empowered Boundaries course. This is for any type of narcissist, how to set boundaries and not just with narcissists, with anyone, toxic with anyone, period in your life. So go check that out. It gives all the details and it's 50% off for a few more days. So get in there and grab your spot if you want that it is prerecorded, which is beautiful, you can do it at your own pace and always email me with questions.

(10:56)
My email is always in the description box of the podcast in the show notes. So I hope this was helpful. If you want to go deeper, obviously sign up for one-on-one with me for coaching and that boundaries course. If you need, just help straightening up your boundaries, but you're not alone, you're not crazy and queen, you are coming back to life. I see you. I see your sparkle from here, okay? Alright. Until next time, stay strong. Let me see, let me see those muscles. Okay, queen, look at her. All glittery and strong. It's a beautiful combo and you got it. Alright, stay smiling and I will see you on Thursday's episode. Don't forget, please, please follow me on my podcast. It actually helps me reach more people and I love that. So if you could take just 30 seconds, if you are not following my podcast, please go to wherever you're watching it.

(11:53)
Just scroll. It'll be sometimes they hide it a little. If you can just find whatever it says, follow so you can follow it. It really helps my algorithm to reach more people and it'll help and get that notification every time I post, which in this case will be Thursday because we do our thrive in five on Thursdays, which if you don't know, is some form of somatic healing that's healing from the body. Just short little exercises to do to help you get through this really tough time. Alright, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, go ahead. Always feel free to share it with someone who could use it. I know sometimes we have friends or family members that also are going through a similar situation, so feel free to send them this and they can follow it too. Alright? The more people that can get this information, the less narcissists get away with, the more we shine the light on this, right? So let's make this a damn revelation revolution. Yeah, I'm tired guys. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Keep that chin up and that crown high.