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James Kimmel, Jr., PhD, is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine and the author of The Science of Revenge. He’s known in part for identifying compulsive revenge seeking as an addiction. He explains how perceived wrongs, grievances, and revenge desires—and how we deal with them, or not—affect us all. Actually trying to get revenge is pretty much always a lost cause—it simply makes us feel worse—but often, blanket forgiveness feels impossible. Which is why Kimmel came up with a simple but brilliant process that you can run through in the courtroom of your mind.

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