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Gordon Brewer, a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 25 years of experience, joins Steve to unpack the complex relationship between trauma, grief, and emotional resilience in the first responder community. Their conversation touches on a critical but often overlooked barrier to mental health care—the fear that therapists can't handle the horrific realities first responders face daily.
"Sometimes people forget about how trauma manifests in different ways," Gordon explains, sharing how his background as a funeral director gave him unique insights into grief processing. Both experts explore why first responders might test their therapists by sharing graphic details, essentially asking: "Can you handle my reality?"
The discussion delves into the subtle yet important distinctions between grief and trauma. For first responders who regularly encounter death, these experiences can trigger complex emotional responses, especially when they've previously tried to help someone who ultimately died. This creates layers of grief beyond the immediate situation—grief for what couldn't be prevented and the weight of perceived failure.
A fascinating segment explores emotional intelligence within first responder culture. "Anger is acceptable, happiness is acceptable, the rest of it not so much," Steve notes, highlighting how limited emotional expression can prevent proper processing. Gordon adds that understanding your internal emotional landscape doesn't require displaying vulnerability publicly, but acknowledging emotions privately is essential for preventing acute stress from becoming trauma.
Drawing from Brené Brown's work, they explore how vulnerability forms the foundation of courage—a seeming paradox particularly relevant for first responders. "You cannot have courage without vulnerability," Gordon emphasizes. "Just because we do the job doesn't negate the fact that we had those feelings of fear."
Perhaps most powerfully, they discuss how community support facilitates healing. Gordon shares personal insights from losing his wife to cancer, illustrating how simple presence often matters more than words. They note how first responder communities excel at immediate support but often disappear after a few weeks, leaving families to navigate ongoing grief alone.
Join this authentic conversation that bridges professional expertise with personal experience, offering practical wisdom for anyone navigating trauma, supporting others through grief, or seeking to build greater emotional resilience in challenging circumstances.

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