This episode we speak with Dave and Tina, parents whose son, Craig, struggled with his mental health from a young age. As he got older, substances entered the picture as well. When Dave and Tina tried to help, they found themselves ping-ponging between worlds. Addiction providers told them that their son needed mental health support, while the mental health programs said he needed to treat his substance use issues first. All of this left Dave and Tina floundering as they desperately tried to help their son.Dave and Tina eventually found a different approach (a combination of CRAFT and the ITC) which helped them learn communication skills and positive reinforcement strategies to help their son and keep their family connected.

“We can't climb inside their heads and take over the controls and steer them away from their drugs, but we can be the reason they choose recovery.”

• [2:06] Dave and Tina’s 43 years together began with a cancer battle, infertility treatments, and the adoption of their two sons Craig and Sean.
• [4:02] Early signs that Craig's development wasn’t progressing like other children.
• [7:15] It was Craig’s girlfriend who first alerted Dave and Tina to his substance abuse.
• [8:10] The impact of complex co-occurring issues on the entire family.
• [9:50] A lack of support from the school compounded Dave and Tina’s struggles.
• [10:53] Each family member will have their own reaction to a loved one’s addiction problems.
• [12:20] The 5-Step Model helps families understand how they can support and meet their loved ones where they currently are, rather than where they are.
• [14:15] “Things got worse before they got better.”
• [16:40] Dave found what he needed in support groups, but neither Tina nor Dave knew how to communicate their struggles at work.
• [21:02] After being diagnosed with autism, Craig’s behaviors slowly began to stabilize.
• [23:55] The point when increased self-awareness and communication skills allowed natural consequences to also play a part in Craig’s recovery.
• [25:22] CRAFT and the Invitation to Change are designed to help teach communication skills and reinforcement strategies that help everyone involved.
• [29:13] The positive influence that Dave and Tina have had on Craig has allowed him to problem-solve on his own and support other people in his life.
• [32:46] The importance of trust in healing a broken relationship.
• [34:20] Dave and Tina’s son Sean has experienced his own strides in growth over the years.
• [36:10] Tactics that Dave and Tina have learned to support each other.
• [38:30] Advice from parents who have navigated through years of turmoil in a mental health crisis.

Additional Resources:

• Dave and Tina’s Support Groups: https://www.alternat-i-ves.org/index.html
• CMC: Foundation For Change
• Beyond Addiction Workbook
• Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change
• Invitation to Change: A Short Guide
• SpiritWorks Foundation
• National Autistic Society
• Support for Families with Autistic Child

Tweetables:

• “It’s no rock bottom for the family members. It’s a constant rollercoaster ride.” — Dave
• “It was almost like he was a pressure cooker waiting to go off, and until that steam had gone, he just couldn't cope with his frustration and anger.” — Tina
• “When you know you're doing the right thing and people put seeds of doubt in your mind, you start to think, ‘Am I doing the right thing?’” — Tina
• “I realized that it didn't actually matter what the drug of choice was. Alcohol, gambling, heroin. The family's going through exactly the same.” — Dave
• “Sometimes you, some of those natural consequences really do work and you don't really know which one's going to work. You just have to try things.” — Dave
• “I'm gonna be the best dad I can possibly be for him. And if I have to learn some tools about it to get there, then I will learn those tools.” — Dave
• “I've never wanted him to say sorry. I’ve just always wanted to see him get better and get healthy.” — Tina
• “It's important to be together, supporting each other as well as giving each other a little bit of space and encouraging you to do things for yourselves as well.” — Tina
• “I don't need to know all of the answers to these problems and that’s been really helpful.” — Dave
• “There needs to be more family support so that when people leave recovery, their families are on their side.” — Dave