This week on the show, Marit Chervier de Ruiter brings her expertise in combining commercial structure with psychoanalytical principles to help businesses achieve long-lasting results in negotiation and sales.

We dig into the critical differences between negotiation strategy and tactics, Marit shares game-changing tips for high-stakes negotiations, and how to cultivate stronger, more collaborative relationships with clients.

She also shares her top dos and don'ts in negotiation and offers a real-world example of navigating a challenging deal with grace and success.

• [00:00] Build value step-by-step in negotiations to create stronger long-term relationships.
• [05:33] Know your audience, predict reactions, and stay agile.
• [06:48] Choose negotiation strategy based on relationship: competitive for one-off deals, collaborative for long-term relationships.
• [12:03] Be cautious about sharing too much information in negotiations to prevent the other party from using it against you.
• [10:13] Marit’s top three negotiation dos and don’ts.
• [13:44] A real-life scenario where Marit’s informal strategy resets the negotiation tone.

Your strategy is your overall plan: the “why” and “what” behind your negotiations. It’s about defining your end goal and determining the outcomes you hope to achieve. Tactics, on the other hand, are the practical steps and techniques you employ during the negotiation—the “how” that helps implement your strategy.

Marit brilliantly uses the analogy of the board game Risk. Your strategy might be to conquer the most territories in Asia, but your specific moves—where to place armies, which battles to pick—constitute your tactics. This symbiotic relationship between strategy and tactics is at the heart of effective negotiation.

When entering high-stakes deals, Marit’s go-to strategy is incremental value creation. Rather than rushing in to claim as much as possible, she advocates for building value collaboratively and step by step. This approach aims to expand the “pie” for all involved, rather than fighting for the largest slice of a smaller one.

Incremental value creation doesn’t just lead to higher deal outcomes—it also lays the groundwork for strong, long-term relationships. As Marit notes, being able to foster trust and collaboration through this approach is just as important as the immediate value of the deal itself.

Marit’s experience has equipped her with three favorite negotiation tactics that consistently deliver results:

• Giver’s Gain & Reciprocity: By giving value upfront, you trigger the powerful psychological principle of reciprocity. When you offer something, the other side is often compelled—sometimes unconsciously—to give in return.
• The Power of Silence: Marit emphasizes that listening is critical. Silence can be uncomfortable, leading others to fill the gap with information. The insights gained from simply listening can be incredibly valuable in steering negotiations.
• Never Go Alone: In high-stakes negotiations, going as a team allows you to multitask during meetings—you can observe nonverbal clues, take notes, listen attentively, and strategize in real time. Solo negotiators simply can’t do it all; teamwork is a tactical advantage.

Marit highlights the importance of tailoring your negotiation strategy to the context. If you’re pursuing a one-time transaction, a more competitive stance may suffice. But if you’re aiming for a long-term relationship, collaboration and value creation take precedence.

However, what if your counterpart takes a competitive approach despite your collaborative intentions? Marit’s advice: acknowledge the approach, reset the tone, and strive to steer the discussion toward shared value rather than mere positional bargaining.

Marit wraps up the episode with a real-world example: facing a key client who violated a contract but remained strategically vital. Instead of severing ties, her team reset the relationship through informal conversation before formal negotiation, split roles as “good cop, bad cop,” and found a mutually acceptable solution. The outcome? A salvaged relationship and a creative, trust-based agreement.

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