In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Carl Draper, student mental health nurse, award-winning photographer and father to Bodhi, an autistic child with a powerful story.

Carl opens up about the early signs of autism in his son, facing expulsion from nursery on day one and the intense stress of parenting a non-verbal child with little sleep or support.

He shares how a pivotal moment with his camera led to a personal breakthrough.

Biography

Carl Draper was born in a North Nottinghamshire mining village and moved to Bournemouth at 19, where he served as a beach lifeguard and discovered his love for surfing. Accepted into the Royal Marines, his plans changed after a serious leg injury during a heroic rescue, an event that earned him a Local Hero Award and a feature on BBC’s 999 Rescue. He later became RNLI head trainer for lifeguards across Dorset, then served over a decade with Dorset Ambulance Service. Shifting to education, he trained firefighters and police nationwide before retraining as a mental health nurse. Carl is currently studying at Bournemouth University. In 2015, he founded Waveslider, winning the Bournemouth Tourism Award in 2017, and began documenting life with his son Bodhi in 2020.

Quote

I’ve always had this thing with special educational needs parents or SEND parents — we’re not in the same boat, but we are in the same storm. - Carl Draper

Key Takeaways

Trust Your Instincts - Parents often notice signs before professionals do. If something feels off, it’s okay to seek answers and push for support.

Environment Shapes Experience - The right setting and supportive people can help a child thrive.

Diagnosis is a Beginning, Not an End - Receiving a diagnosis can bring clarity, but also grief and uncertainty. It marks the start of a new chapter, not the end of a story.

Regulation Starts With Us - Emotional regulation in ourselves is often needed when supporting a child with complex needs. We can’t pour from an empty cup.

Creativity is Healing - Photography can offer a way to pause, reflect and process life. Creative outlets are powerful tools for emotional resilience and self-regulation

Assistance Dogs can offer deep connection, comfort, and safety to children with additional needs.

Advocacy Requires Persistence - Navigating the SEND system often involves battles, persistence and support.

Mentioned in This Episode

CAMHS / ID CAMHS – Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, including services for children with intellectual disabilities

Von Kebles – The training center supporting Frank, Bodhi’s assistance dog

Connect with Carl Draper

Follow Carl's journey with his son Bodhi on the Waverslider Photography Facebook Page

Follow Carl on Instagram

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Episode Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to

the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters

raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday

moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,

shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving

a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with

you. Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:

Today, we're pleased to welcome to the podcast student Mental Health nurse Carl

Draper. Carl founded Wave Slider Photography in 2015, which won the Bournemouth

Tourism Award in 2017. Since 2020, Carl has been documenting his life with his

autistic son Bodhi through his stunning photography.

Welcome to the podcast, Carl. It's great to have you with us today.

Natalie Tealdi: Can you [00:01:00] share a bit about your

background and how it has shaped your parenting journey with Bodhi?

Carl Draper: Bodhi was born in 2017. By the time he was five, six months, we were convinced that Bodhi was autistic. He never made eye contact. He was just in his own little

world and he was silent. So there were, there were strong signs. I think the

health visitors and other people at the time, they were saying, oh, he is just

sure of himself and he's confident, but he, you know, there was zero eye

contact. It was almost like he'd intentionally wouldn't make eye

contact, which is quite strange for a baby of that age. It was that. It was

that strong and obvious. By the time he was two, he was completely silent. So

we were, more sure then that, that this was autism, that we were dealing with,

and this was gonna be a different kind of journey from a parenting

perspective..

Victoria Bennion: Did Bodhi go to nursery?

Carl Draper: His very first nursery he went to [00:02:00] was a

Montessori nursery, and he was expelled on day one, which is quite an

achievement for a 2-year-old you know, the social norms were expected that

you'd come in and sit at the table and kind of join in where he was just, he

was just constantly off.

Doing his own little thing in his own little bubble. Completely silent, no eye contact. So you were, you were just following him, containing him and, and trying to engage. So we picked him up at lunchtime and he was, he was in a complete state. The lady, who we picked him up from, she looked like she'd been dragged through her hedge backwards.

She was completely disheveled, completely stressed, and we never know until the day what happened there that day. But the one thing we have learned throughout our journey with Bodhi and the autism parenting, is that nothing impacts a child more than the behavior of those around him. And we are convinced that something happened there that [00:03:00]

day. We don't know what it was, but , it took days and days to settle him down. He was, completely devastated. So then we found another nursery for him. They were much better. It was a bigger class and it was more along the lines of, of play, nursery play rather than sit down at a table and learn to read and write.

So he, settled in there. More so because of the people that were looking after him. They were brilliant. And they helped the journey start,, with the referrals to the hospital. Poole, hospital for the autism diagnosis,

Victoria Bennion: Can you talk us through the autism diagnosis process that you went through with Bodhi?

Carl Draper: There was a doctor, speech and language therapist and an occupational therapist, and they had an outdoor playground, an indoor playroom, and a separate room with. Four chairs. And what they did is two of them would spend half an hour with

Bodhi. One of them would spend half an hour with us and they rotated around. There was two of everything toys wise. And we did say to them on the way through the door, be careful [00:04:00] with the digital key code because Bodhi had a thing for cracking codes. At the

time, you know, they, they kind of didn't believe us and said, you know, we're fine. We're used to this. Within five minutes he was out the building

Victoria Bennion: Oh my goodness.

Carl Draper: Yeah, they were off down the corridor chasing him.

Natalie Tealdi: Wow.

Carl Draper: He's got this strange ability where he doesn't remember, he doesn't fiddle around trying to figure it out. He just punches it in. It's like he almost knows it. And, uh, he, he was off, he was gone. We spent an hour and a half, two hours there, and they had a bit of a con flab debrief after, and he was diagnosed there.

And then, and I think that was the beginning of the stress from that parenting side because we were asking the questions that, I suppose everybody asking that scenario, when is he gonna speak? When are we gonna hear his voice? What comes next? And so we kind left. Left. Really? Then how do you learn to hear a child who doesn't speak?

There's no YouTube tutorial. There's no book. So [00:05:00] then we'd, you know, do the research and we didn't find any answers. So we started doing everything with pictures and

videos. We'd take videos of everything from putting your shoes on to going in the bath to go into the toilet. And that's, where it began.

Victoria Bennion:

What were some of your greatest challenges around this time?

Carl Draper: Car journeys were probably the worst at that time. He would try and get out the car while we were moving because again, he's not talking, he's not making eye

contact, he's not engaging, he is just doing his own little thing and we're trying to carry him around the world, you know, to school and to the shops and to the beach.

And, and he would try and get out the car. So we'd put one padlock on them, two, then three, then four. And within minutes of going up the road, he'd be stood the footwell, you know, clapping, holding up. The padlock figured out the codes and, and got out of there.

The stress at that point, when he got to the age three was by [00:06:00] far the worst for me because we live in a world of social norms, don't we? You know, where, the parenting style that we had was wrong. We didn't have the information, the education on what kind of parent you need to be for a child like this with no answers.

So there's no preparation. I think my stress was, Charlie was still working A&E at the time as a nurse, so 12 hour shifts, and I would go two, three days without sleep regularly. Where you get to the point where if he goes to sleep at three o'clock, you go to sleep at three o'clock, but that might only last 45 minutes.

And then we would do 50,000 steps a night in house. He would go around the kitchen, emptying all the cupboards, stacking the plates up, making pretty patterns. He'd go upstairs, strip all the bed, strip all the cupboards, then back downstairs, and you'd go round and round and round. So you were just again following and containing, but I made the mistake of cleaning up behind him. He would unpack it, you would pack [00:07:00] away. He would unpack it and then he'd sit in the dryer. He loves sitting in the dryer and he'd have a bit of a break, if you like. That was his safe space, and he'd watch kung fu Panda over and over and over. So regularly we went without sleep, and I think I, I fell into this trap where. I got so stressed because when can I teach him who Santa is? When can I teach him what the magic of Christmas is? When can I build this relationship? And I think what happens is you kind of realize that they're all your own stresses. Your own wants, your own needs. Truth is he was happy.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah. Can you talk to us about the major turning point for you?

Carl Draper: It was 2020 New Year's Day. Charlie was on nights at A&E and I was on my second, second or third night with no sleep. I can't remember, but I think I was at my worst point. Then I kind of sat on the kitchen floor at like two, three in the morning I'd had [00:08:00] enough. And I picked my camera up, and took a photo of him in the dryer. While he had his, iPad and I won an award for that picture and it was, a major turning point for me. I'd found a way to regulate myself emotionally and that's what I started to document our journey together through Waveslider and started to accept that I needed to change, let go of my stresses and wants. He's happy, so don't worry about it. If he never speaks, don't worry about it.

We're happy. Things are going well and the journey through nursery was going well and we were looking forward to school. I started to learn to let go of all of that, that my own stress and wants and needs. And then things became a lot happier, you know, but you, you had to be out all day, needed a very structured day.

So if Charl was on work at night, I had to take him out all day. Otherwise, he wouldn't let us sleep.

Victoria Bennion: Oh my goodness.

Carl Draper: So we, we got into this routine where [00:09:00] we were going to the beach all day and I was teaching him to surf, to swim, to paddleboard, and he loved being outdoors.

He had cocoa at the time, his German Shepherd, she was black and they were best friends. So we'd spend a lot of time in the forest, in the ponds, and through the wintertime, I'd put a wetsuit on him to keep him warm. You realize you can't keep him dry. So we keep him warm. So we'd both go to the forest in the wintertime with our wetsuits on, and then he'd be, know, be in the ponds, in the wintertime with cocoa and his rubber ducks and playing, and I'd start taking pictures and that became the, daily, thing, this routine.

And of course, we went through lockdown as well. So, you know, I would, having the majority of the time, because Charlie was working, she worked both lockdowns in a e on the Covid pods. So that was quite a strange time.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, it must have been.

Carl Draper: But we were very lucky because we live right on the edge of the forest, so we

disappeared to the forest all day, every day as normal. And then he got to the age, four, and then he [00:10:00] moved to the next school up, which was a school for complex learning needs. Still completely silent. But we were into our routine now. I'd let go of those stresses and wants and needs. So I was documenting the journey as we went day to day.

And I think really I started out on Waveslider and because at that point I got to that night on the kitchen floor, I thought you've got the other mums and dads out there that feel alone and helpless and you know, I've always had this thing with special educational needs parents or send parents. We're not in the same boat, but we are in the same storm. We're all going through a journey, but it depends on how we are individually, on what our breaking point is, our strengths are and and that kind of thing. So I'm a surfer, I'm an outdoors person, so off we went to the beach every day and that's fine until you get injured or you get poorly. I broke my ankle three years ago. I had stick to that routine. They couldn't put a cast on it. They

put a boot on it and he wouldn't leave it alone. So I [00:11:00] had to take it off because the pain he was causing trying to get it off. So I put loads of socks on one foot and off we went to the beach. It's much easier with an injury 'cause it just hurts. It's when you you're poorly that, it's at its worst because you want to lay down and curl up.

We'd never had a babysitter. We couldn't leave him with anybody. It had to be myself or Charlie at all times with him. We were the only ones that could communicate with him or understand him. It'd be unsafe. It'd be a disaster.

Victoria Bennion: Of course. How did he get on at school?

Carl Draper: We had lots of problems there. Eventually got expelled for climbing a four foot fence. And then what ensued after was, he was at home for 15 months and we had a big fight with the school and the local authority through solicitors. We were very lucky we got a GoFundMe through Wave Slider. We had a lot of support. That was amazing, the fact that there's people out there that you've never met who support you and want to help you, so. [00:12:00] We got through that and Bodhi started to speak just after his sixth birthday

Natalie Tealdi: What was that like?

Carl Draper: We'd let go of all these, you know, when's he gonna speak? We were just like, oh, right. He said something. It started off with a couple of words, but within a very short

space of time, he's got this eloquent, beautiful speech and we are having conversations and he is, you know, telling you what he wants and where he wants to go. And we were like, wow, we're gonna have our first Christmas this year.

Six years old, we can tell him because we, we started off putting a Christmas tree up when he was around the age of three, but it, he just destroy it. We put presents out in front of him at Christmas. He had no interest. He had no idea what a present was or who Santa is or what Christmas is, or a birthday. He just had no interest. But when he started speaking, when we were coming up towards that first Christmas. His sixth year, you [00:13:00] could see the excitement building in him. Like Santa's coming to see me and we had most epic Christmas ever.

Victoria Bennion:

Fantastic. And once the court case was over, how's the new school been for Bodhi?

Carl Draper: We got him into a private school and that's when life. Really changed for us. And he started to thrive , he evolved extremely quickly. Extremely quickly. I think the autism with Bodhi is a gift. There's no doubt about that. It's, the world around the social norms and expectations that cause and bring the problems.

We also started to believe that A DHD was flying under the radar there because there were behaviors. That were very indicative of A DHD. He couldn't stop and think before he acted. He was always on the lead when we went out. And this is where Coco, the dog helped. He's just a mini hurricane.

But when he started to speak and he started to evolve a little bit more cognitively [00:14:00] and develop emotionally, that's when the challenging behavior came. And I would say that falls into two parts. One, again, the impact of people's behavior around him.

I using the wrong parenting behaviors. I grew up in a pit village in the seventies, eighties. You know, I got brought up in a world where if I ran home from school because the bullies were chasing me, my mum wouldn't let me in the house.

I had to relearn to be a parent. I had to relearn my thought processes, the way that I approach tantrums and, and understanding and validating. It's like learning to nail jelly to a wall, but you're expected to be an expert at it. And it's very difficult, so I relearned to do that. But first I had to learn to, regulate my own emotions. Some days you're better at it than others, depending on how your own needs are met, how tired you are, how well fed you are, how you know, little stress you have in life, [00:15:00] like with university work, financial.

The challenge is. With the