In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're reflecting on the Panorama documentary, EHCPs and everyday struggles from socks to lunch boxes.

Key Takeaways

The reality behind EHCPs – why the process can be emotionally draining, time-consuming, and often leaves families feeling powerless.

When inclusion isn’t inclusion – the difference between being in school and actually being supported to thrive.

The ripple effect of sensory struggles – how something as small as socks or a change in routine can unravel a whole morning.

Food battles and 'safe foods' – understanding why eating can be so complex for autistic children and why parents shouldn’t face judgment for feeding what works.

Navigating seasonal changes – how weather, clothing, and sensory shifts can bring new challenges for children who rely on predictability.

The need for empathy over judgment – whether it’s food, clothes, or school attendance, understanding should always come before criticism.

Mentioned in This Episode

BBC Panorama Documentary: Autism, School and Families on the Edge presented by Kellie Bright

EHCP (Education, Health and Care Plans) - learn more here

ARFID and sensory-based eating challenges - learn more here

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Transcript

This Week in Our World:

Reflecting on Panorama, EHCPs and Everyday Struggles [00:00:00]

Victoria Bennion:

This week we watched Kelly Bright's Panorama documentary called Autism School

and Families on the Edge, and it was really interesting watching. So we wanted

to take today to reflect on the program and chat about things in general that

have come up for us and our children

Victoria Bennion: .

so what did you think about the program? Nat.

Natalie Tealdi: I

thought it was really great to give. Exposure about the issues of EHCPs. I

mean, it was largely based around EHCPs, wasn't it? And it definitely brought

back lots of memories. I think it's that, that place where you are at, where

you don't really know much about what's going on and you're kind of trying to

work out how to support your child.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi: the

right environment is for them, getting them the right support, not really

knowing what that support is or what even are the options for support.

Victoria Bennion:

That's right. It's a really stressful time. And I think that it, hopefully, it

highlighted that it's quite a lengthy process and that it requires quite a lot

of you as [00:01:00] parents and carers being

on it with all the dates. And then even when you get a yes, if you get a yes at

certain points, like, yes, we agree to assess your child, it's, you're not

necessarily then going to get the plan that your child needs.

Victoria Bennion: So

with the family there? And , it had named mainstream. That was, that was

totally familiar to me. That's what happened with my first child going through

the process and he was barely attending school. And it brought back for me

those feelings, those memories of like, oh my God, what, we've just been

through all this.

Victoria Bennion: And

you are saying, well, they basically said good luck at middle school. It's like

he can't even get into first school. How have you written a whole plan and put

mainstream? So I did really feel for them. I think it was a really accurate

depiction of the process

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

I mean, very similar for us too. , It's clearly the setting isn't working and

you do all the paperwork and all the fighting and all the meetings

Victoria Bennion: all

the assessments.

Natalie Tealdi: then

it comes back with the same place that they're not coping at. I mean, that [00:02:00] doesn't even make any sense. It is just so

frustrating,

Victoria Bennion: ,

It's a very tiring process.

Natalie Tealdi: And

you can feel really powerless. I think that's something they highlighted in the

documentary 'cause. Yeah, you have to learn about all the processes and the

laws and what you're entitled to, and it's exhausting.

Victoria Bennion: It

is exhausting, and especially on top of when you're trying to look after your

children charge the EHCP for everything is not well, otherwise you wouldn't be

doing it. So you've got that on top of everything. And then holding the local

authority to their deadlines is my experience of, Hey, it's the X date.

Victoria Bennion: Is

there any news on this yet?

Natalie Tealdi:

exactly. You can't just sort of hand it over to them and expect it all to run

smoothly into time. You have to be there nudging them.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, it's horrible actually. It's extra stress that parents don't need. So I

thought that was depicted really well. There was one, one thing that really

struck me as being potentially really divisive. I [00:03:00]

don't know if it struck you too, but it was when she was speaking to that

counselor.

Victoria Bennion:

They were referencing the amount of money that's needed to support our

children, and she said something along the lines of like, this is money that.

Natalie Tealdi: I

know what you're gonna say.

Victoria Bennion: Is

now not going to road repairs. It was something like that, wasn't it? And I

thought, Ooh, , that felt to me like quite deliberately divisive. Like, Hey, ,

these send families are taking all the money. That's why there's potholes in

the road. And it was almost like pitting. Sections of society against each

Victoria Bennion:

other.

Natalie Tealdi: That

is exactly how I felt listening to that as well. I thought, hang on a minute,

what? That could definitely create some interesting situations.

Victoria Bennion: And

I think it's probably deliberately designed to, dad was saying there was

something he read about parents wanting EHCPs to get their children more exam

time or something for GCSEs, [00:04:00] and I

went, what , I dunno about you, but certainly at the point that we're going for

an EHCP GCSEs are just not even in the mind.

Victoria Bennion:

It's getting your child into a setting that's appropriate. I mean, I wasn't

even thinking about GCSEs when my child was eight.

Natalie Tealdi:

Quality of life

Victoria Bennion:

yeah, exactly. You don't want them to be in this terrible state that they're

in, and you want the best for them. It's certainly not in my experience of

anybody I've met either that that's on their mind.

Natalie Tealdi: Where

does that come from? I don't know anyone like that. , It is more that people

are worried about their child's mental health and, the state of their health

generally, and being able to be in the world and cope in the world and have a

bright future. 'cause they still should have a

Natalie Tealdi:

bright future.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi: And I

think one thing that came up for me was when there was the mum, I think the

daughter at mum actually, when her child did manage to go into school, and they

were all celebrating the fact that she got to go in that day. But I just [00:05:00] thought, but how did that day go? Because

I was just remembering when my child went into school, I would be by my phone

trying to work and sometimes it would ring and it would be the school saying

he's not coping and he needs picking up.

Natalie Tealdi: And I

was thinking, how did she feel that day and how, and how was it when her child

got home? Was she okay or was it difficult that afternoon because she'd had to

cope all day at school? I'm just interested,

Victoria Bennion: I

suppose they have to be careful, but you're dead, right? It's the whole

picture, isn't it? I remember before. My son, I would just say it's like had a

full breakdown really. But before that point,, when I'd get him into school,

I'd be like, yeah, he's in school.

Victoria Bennion: And

my assumption was that always there for fine. But that was not the case. So the

actual getting him in there for him, it was certainly just more trauma.

Natalie Tealdi:

Exactly. So I mean, I'm not saying it was like that for her. It might be that

the little girl was absolutely fine and had a brilliant day and was lovely, but

Natalie Tealdi: it's

not like that

Natalie Tealdi: for

everyone. [00:06:00] I would say.

Victoria Bennion:

Definitely.

Victoria Bennion: So

Victoria Bennion:

how's your week been generally apart from the program?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Okay. My son's really struggling with socks. Since we went back to school in

September.

Victoria Bennion:

Socks.

Victoria Bennion: are

hard.

Natalie Tealdi: He

does really struggle with socks and we've tried lots of different ones. I've

just ordered some bamboo ones, but he doesn't want to even try them. Someone

suggested fluffy socks, , so I bought some of those and they were working for a

few days, but since I've washed them.

Natalie Tealdi: And

he's tried to put them on

Natalie Tealdi:

again.

Victoria Bennion:

Once they're washed, they're not the same. That's what,

Victoria Bennion: One

of my children's complaints is,

Natalie Tealdi: They

don't feel the same, do they?

Victoria Bennion: I

mean, there was one year we've just bought so many socks, 'cause at first I was

thinking, do I need to buy more expensive socks? Is it because they're the

cheapest socks?

Victoria Bennion: Is

it because, and she ended up just having mountains of socks in a wardrobe. None

of which were acceptable after a while. But I think it was once they were

Victoria Bennion:

washed, they didn't feel the

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

just brand new socks every day then, so he's in Wellies with, no socks today,

but then I had the same with my daughter actually this morning. So we're [00:07:00] seeing some things with her and, and I

don't think it's copying brother 'cause she was actually the first one to

mention the socks.

Natalie Tealdi: , So

yeah, socks and food

Natalie Tealdi: is an

Natalie Tealdi:

issue.

Victoria Bennion: Do

you know I, I think I know all the McDonald's staff like

Natalie Tealdi: Do

you.

Victoria Bennion: by

name at the mument. Even the new ones that they seem to be training up. Yeah.

My son's totally lost anything that we cook for dinner at the mument, so if I

want to get something cooked into him, it's McDonald's.

Victoria Bennion:

That's the only safe option, except this week you wouldn't believe what they

did. , Ordered a cheeseburger, and I customized it. So no cheese. Because you

can get the double cheeseburger, so you can get the two beef patties in there,

but customize it so it's got nothing on it. So one of my children will have it

with. Just ketchup. And the other one likes ketchup and the mustard. It was

really busy too, and I went straight after school, it took ages,

Victoria Bennion: now

I know better than to not check the bag. So I checked the bags and one was [00:08:00] labeled, , only ketchup, and the other one

was ketchup and mustard. I was like, great. Okay. This is all good. Anyway, got

home. Cheese in the cheeseburger.

Natalie Tealdi: Get

that they put cheese in the

Natalie Tealdi:

cheeseburger.

Victoria Bennion: But

the distress and the upset that that caused.

Victoria Bennion: If

it had been pickles, it might not have been so bad, she could like scrape them

off, but the, that cheese that melts in, , I wish that that was, better

understood. , Just generally the food, the distress around food.

Victoria Bennion: ,

If that had happened to my son, it wasn't his burger luckily, but if that had

happened to him, burgers would no longer be safe. They would likely be struck

off because it just destroys that trust,

Victoria Bennion:

doesn't it?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

And that's a really big deal when the, the diet's so restricted anyway and

there are so few foods to take away.

Natalie Tealdi:

Something like that

Natalie Tealdi: has a

big impact.

Victoria Bennion: it

does.

Victoria Bennion:

Another thing, that has come up for us in the last week is healthy lunchboxes. [00:09:00] Haven't had this one for a while,

Victoria Bennion: but

I feel that this is something again, that there isn't enough understanding

about for children who have ARFID or ARFID behaviors is. You can't define foods

by healthy and not healthy.

Victoria Bennion: For

parents and carers, it's the big enough stress to make sure that the, children

are getting enough calories, are getting enough to eat. And I think when. When

there's a misunderstanding, and I think it probably comes from the government,

you know about obesity worries and things like that and pushing the healthy

food line, right? But

Victoria Bennion: if

your child has got a real restricted diet, that's not an option. You just get

them to eat what you can. You do your best, in my mind, it's is there enough

fuel to keep him going through the day? That's that's all I can do.

Victoria Bennion: And

I'm sure we've talked about this on previous episodes, but when you're told.

Victoria Bennion:

Include fruit and vegetable, they're healthy snacks [00:10:00]

in the lunchbox. For someone with ARFID or ARFID behaviors like I learned on

their BEAT eating disorder course, which was really helpful. The reason that

fruit and vegetables are often rejected? Well, there's the textures, but

they're not the same, are they?

Victoria Bennion:

Yorkie Bar is one of my son's Absolute safe foods. It looks the same, it tastes

the same. It doesn't vary. Whereas a raspberry can be sweet, it can be sour, ,

the color can vary. It can be squidgy, it can be harder. There's all those

variations, and if you are anxious, that's gonna make your anxiety so much

worse.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

stressful.

Victoria Bennion: is

stressful.

Natalie Tealdi: It's

an added stress on top of other stresses, isn't

Natalie Tealdi: it?

Natalie Tealdi: And

it's not like you can just say, pull yourself together

Victoria Bennion: no.

Natalie Tealdi: or,

you know, don't be so

Natalie Tealdi:

fussy. It's not about that. It's not that.

Natalie Tealdi:

simple.

Victoria Bennion: No,

it's really not that simple, and I wish there was more understanding of that

Victoria Bennion: and

less judgment on what parents and carers are giving their children

Natalie Tealdi: I

know, I think they [00:11:00] really need to

give parents a bit more credit here because of course we are concerned about

vitamins and them getting the right foods and being healthy, but when you get

to that point where your child's losing weight and is really skinny and is

unable to function because they're not eating anything, we've been told by

pediatricians.

Natalie Tealdi: To

just

Natalie Tealdi: feed

them whatever

Victoria Bennion: Get

the calories in. Fed is best and you have to go with that. And chocolate is

good for many reasons, but it's a good lump of calories in there and you know

that it will keep them going. Okay. It might not be ideal, but neither is

starving and that's really what you're looking at.

Victoria