Description: Silicon Valley's digital overlords have created the ultimate circle jerk, trading our personal data like baseball cards in a schoolyard full of billionaires. While their financial fluffers make the numbers look prettier than a hooker on commission night, we keep bending over for same-day delivery and funny cat videos.

Spice Index: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

"Why do we surrender to this digital dystopia? Because swiping right is easier than human connection, and Amazon's dopamine hit arrives faster than self-respect. We're lab rats with credit cards, mistaking notifications for meaningful relationships while tech overlords repackage our depression as 'engagement metrics.' The truly genius part? We'll fight anyone who threatens to unplug us from our beautiful prison."