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What if the real intimacy killer isn’t your past, but how it gets dismissed? We dig into ways couples can invalidate each other’s stories—“It wasn’t that bad,” “You should be over it,” “That’s just your story”—and why those phrases shut down safety, trust, and depth. Drawing from our own marriage and years of coaching, we unpack the difference between knowing a partner’s facts and understanding the impact those moments wrote on the heart.
Chapters
1. Banter, Tea, And Warm-Up (00:00:00)
2. What Story Work Is—and Isn’t (00:02:18)
3. Knowing Facts vs. Knowing Impact (00:04:55)
4. Personal Example: Invalidating A Partner (00:08:06)
5. Why Emotions Stay Hidden (00:12:18)
6. Self-Invalidation And “Little t” Trauma (00:15:18)
7. Forgiveness Without Understanding Falls Short (00:19:08)
8. How Jesus Validates People’s Stories (00:22:10)
9. “That’s Just Your Story” Is Harmful (00:25:05)
10. Using Story Knowledge To De-Escalate (00:27:13)
11. What It Means To Hold A Story Well (00:30:20)
12. Family Jokes And Minimizing Pain (00:34:25)
13. Safety, Depth, And Why Spouses Hesitate (00:38:15)
14. The Cost When Partners Don’t Hold It Well (00:41:20)
15. Timing, Repair, And Practical Care (00:44:05)
117 episodes
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