Summary

In this episode, Chrissy tackles the challenging reality of dealing with judgment and unwanted advice regarding a child with special needs. The discussion focuses on recognizing where judgment comes from—family, friends, and strangers—and developing specific strategies, including educating, setting firm boundaries, and protecting your child's self-worth.

Key Takeaways and Strategies

1. Navigating Judgment from Family

Family judgment often hurts the most. Sometimes, the comments are well-meaning but difficult, such as saying, "God only give special children to special parents".

Chrissy outlines three options for handling difficult family members:

• Option 1: Educate. This strategy works best for those who are genuinely trying to understand.
• Option 2: Boundaries. This is necessary for family members who refuse to learn and continue making unhelpful comments.
• Option 3: Distance. If a family member consistently makes the child feel bad, distance is sometimes necessary, prioritizing the child's emotional well-being over shared DNA.

2. Training and Maintaining Friendships

Friends can be tricky; some relationships might be lost if they cannot handle changes in plans or rough days, but others become supportive, checking in and ensuring the child feels included.

3. Dealing with Strangers and Unwanted Advice

Strangers can be "grocery store experts" who comment on parenting, stare, or think they know why a child is having a meltdown.

• Handling Staring: Chrissy's mother taught her that people usually stare because they don't understand what they are looking at.
• Shutting Down Unwanted Advice: For well-meaning strangers, Chrissy uses a polite but firm go-to response.

4. Protecting Your Child from Judgment

Children pick up on judgment sooner than parents realize, with Chrissy's brother starting to ask why people looked at him differently around age four.

• Reframing Curiosity: Chrissy's mother explained that "Some people haven't met anyone like you before, so they're curious". The brother was taught that he doesn't have to perform for them, but he can choose to teach them.
• Mean vs. Confused: It is important to teach children the difference between mean people (who should be walked away from) and confused people (whose confusion should not be taken personally).
• Defining Self-Worth: Conversations are necessary about the fact that some people say hurtful things because they feel bad about themselves, which is better than letting the child believe that other people's reactions define their worth.

5. The Hardest Judgment: Disguised as Inspiration

Chrissy finds the judgment disguised as inspiration particularly difficult, such as people who call her brother "inspiring for just existing" or who tell her mom she is "so strong for having him".

• This language is viewed as dehumanizing, even when positive, treating the child like a burden and the mother like a saint.
• Chrissy asserts that her brother is a regular kid with differences, and her mother is "just a mom doing what moms do".

Conclusion

The episode concludes by noting that the people whose opinions actually matter do not judge. Dealing with judgment strengthens the family and makes them better at advocating for themselves. The family has learned not to waste energy trying to please people who "were never going to get it anyway".

Call to Action: Tag someone who has been a "real champion" for your family on social media.

Next Week's Episode: Next week, the discussion will cover the "nitty-gritty" of IEP meetings and what those "intimidating packets" do not tell you.

Support the show