399: Disrupting old patterns (to create something new!)

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The Art of Living Big | Subconscious | NLP | Mindset »
399: Disrupting old patterns (to create something new!)

2d ago 33:56

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In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy explores the concept of life patterns and how to break out of those cycles to foster growth.

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[00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big.

Hello. Hi. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I am, I’m doing [00:01:00] things a little bit differently this time. I don’t know how this is gonna turn out, but I am recording with video. If you’ve been here for a little while, you may remember that I mentioned that I tried to do this, I don’t know, many months ago.

It, it. It bombed. It didn’t really work, but we’re trying again. We’re gonna see. We’re gonna see how it goes. So I’m excited to get to be with you. You’ll hear on audio and if the planet’s aligned, you could go to YouTube and you could actually see me recording it. I don’t know. I mean, would you even wanna do that?

I don’t know. But I’m happy that you’re here with me, whichever way that you’re seeing this. So I’ve got a couple updates and I’ve got some cool stuff to talk about, and I have. A thought that I have been thinking about over the last few days, and I’ll get into that. I’ll get into that. So, okay, let’s, let’s start with the most important update, which is about Dean Martin.

So [00:02:00] Dean Martin, if you’re new here is my cat that I adopted from the shelter, and there’s a crazy story about me adopting him. You could go back a couple episodes and listen to that. Um, and. He’s really wonderful and sweet and he’s the cutest little thing. I don’t know. Something about his little mouth and his nose is like the perfect little pink.

He’s just perfect. And because two things can be true at once, he’s a total terror. He’s a real terror and he is just tearing things up. I have posted on Instagram about him. It’s kind of the joke. It’s kind of funny. Um, but he continues to tear up my life. I have gotten, I play with him. I mean, I play with him so much.

I’ve even paid somebody to come and play with him. Yes. Because I need to work and I need to sleep. And both of those things have become increasingly difficult. And [00:03:00] so, um. I’ve bought, I, I just, I mean, an insane amount of toys for him and he likes some of them and some of them he doesn’t. Mostly he likes the boxes, right?

So my point is, I’ve done all of the things the vet has even given medication to help calm him down at night. Uh, and I tried that once, but it was hard to give it to him. And so I’ve kind of abandoned mission there. But here’s what I wanted to share with you about that. ’cause we all have the Dean Martin in our life, right?

Whether it’s a cat or a person or a situation. And so I decided I was gonna really pause here and think like, what is this here to teach me? Like why is this like I, I, I didn’t get a kitten. I got a 2-year-old cat. Why did I get a 2-year-old cat that is challenging [00:04:00] me in so many ways. Like what is there in this for me to learn?

And I think that there is a level of, I mean, patience would be the obvious thing, but I think that there’s something deeper here. And I have not, I have not noodled through it all, but I’m gonna continue to keep you updated because. There’s something really important in this for me, and I know that that may seem like, you know, Betsy, it’s just a cat and you just got a cat that’s got some extra energy or is anxious ’cause he is new living with you, or whatever the case may be.

But I have the belief, and you can choose to believe this too or not, but I have the belief that we. Our, I’m gonna say it like the, I’m gonna say it in a crazy way. Okay. But the, our reality is completely coming from inside. It’s coming from inside the [00:05:00] house. It’s not external. It’s coming from inside and, and you know, if you’ve listened to me for some time, what I mean by that, which is there’s science and physics that I can use to explain.

Why, what I think is correct, and if that’s true, then it, this is me sorting something out. It’s me being given an opportunity to sort something out. And whenever something happens like this, I always want to be able to pause and to get the lesson. So it, it just occurred to me that the, that there’s something in here for me to learn instead of just like, how many toys can I buy and how, how many times can I play with him?

I share this because, well, because I’m gonna continue to give you updates and so you might wanna know the backstory, but also I want you to be thinking about your own thing, [00:06:00] your own Dean Martin, and what is happening and how you’re reacting to it. What you are learning or adapting in that experience? We don’t have experiences to just move through them.

There’s a, before the experience, there’s a, through the experience and then there’s an after the experience. And when you get to the after, you are not the same as the before. Whether your change has been positive or negative is up to you. And I think so many people are on autopilot, not you, because you wouldn’t be here listening if you were an autopilot person, but so many people are on autopilot that they are just impacted and molded by things without having any awareness and essentially then any control.

Right? So. [00:07:00] That’s my Dean Martin update. I’m gonna continue to keep you updated. What is the, what in the, what is the dang meaning of this? I don’t know. We’ll, we will figure it out. I do have a new sponsor for today’s show. You’ll hear it in a little bit, but I’m super excited about it. You know, I get reached out to a lot to share things or, um, you know, promote things and I ne I never do.

I never do because it has to be. It has to be something that I really like. It has to be something that actually is meaningful for me and I have something. So I’m really excited for you to hear that and you’ll hear it in just a little bit. So stay tuned for that. Alright. I’ve told you guys how I have this new YouTube channel.

I’ve had the YouTube channel, but I’m becoming intentional with the YouTube channel. And so on the weeks where I don’t have the podcast, I have been uploading a YouTube video and I have done two of them now, an introduction and then two videos. When I make the video, because I’m trying to [00:08:00] do things, how can I do things in the easiest way possible, right?

How can I make this the least amount of stress? And like, how can I make this simple? And what I found was that I was recording and then if I would make a mistake, I would stop the recording and then I would restart the recording and kind of take off where I was. Which led to me having like 14 videos that I had to slice and dice together.

And so what I discovered was it was just easier to just let the video run while I figured out what I was gonna say or what was gonna happen. Okay. So once I finished the video, then we edit it. So that it like makes sense and flows. And I take out the weird stuff where I’m like, wait, what was I doing?

What was I, what was that quote I wanted to share? Like, well, I’m doing all of that stuff. So we do some editing. I. It was slicing and dicing some video of the YouTube [00:09:00] video so I could put it on Instagram.

And when I sliced and diced the video, the slice that I diced was me going, what the, and I’m gonna curse. What the fuck was I gonna say? I don’t even remember what I was gonna say. Oh my God. Oh my God. Like that’s what I say in the video. Okay. And so that snippet that was sliced and diced, I was like, wait a minute.

Where did this video, where is this slicing and dicing from? Did I upload the video to Slice and Dice, or is it pulling it directly from YouTube? Because if it’s me just uploading it, maybe I uploaded the wrong video, like the unedited video, but no. No, no, my friends, it was taking it right from YouTube. And so, you know, I have talked before about being a beginner about how, about how we make mistakes.

We have to be [00:10:00] comfortable failing, and I use the word air quotes, like with the failing, but making mistakes, like being a beginner means you’re gonna screw things up because you’re figuring things out. When I saw that little snippet, I was like, I, to be honest, I immediately just started laughing like hysterically.

I was like, there’s no way I’ve uploaded this. So I go right to YouTube. Luckily, not many people are looking at the YouTube. I had 32 views, you know, it had been up for like 12 hours. I was like, oh my God. So he immediately took it down. No, that’s not true. I immediately scanned the video to see if I actually had this huge pause.

You guys, it was like 30 seconds where I was like scratching my head, what was I gonna say? Cursing at myself. I mean, it was all in that video, so I took it down, found the one that I had actually edited and uploaded that one. This is why I can’t do this job. This is why I’ve gotta hire somebody else to do some of [00:11:00] this stuff because, , I am more of a, a thinker than a tedious details person.

So I share that because we all, well, because it was hilarious and because nothing goes the way we think it goes. You know, we see all this stuff on social media. It all just looks perfect and figured out. And I mean, with. Editing and AI to slice and dice stuff. Like who knows what’s real, you know? And so I think it’s really important when we do find something that feels authentic, something that feels real, I think it’s, I, I think it’s still real to be able to edit out errors or bloopers.

Right? We all have our bloopers reel, but I wanted to share it because I. Because I don’t have it all figured out, and I think if you’ve been here for a while on the show, you know that because I talk about, I’m on the journey with you, like I’m constantly learning. There have been [00:12:00] mistakes that I have made in my life that I will regret until I die.

Like there are things that I wish I had done different or had experienced different or risks I wish I had taken. You know, there are a lot of these things and I think it’s really important to be able to acknowledge where you screwed it up and fix it and go. That is part of learning and that is part of being human and that is part of being authentic on this journey.

When I moved, if you’ve been here for a little while, you know that I moved back in January. I put my house on the market, like in last, I don’t know, September maybe decided to put my house on the market. It went on the market.

It was, it just took a while. I had a very old house that I owned. Um, a hundred year old house. And, and with that, you know, it, and the market was rates, interest rates had gone up, like things had slowed down. It. I have [00:13:00] historically been really lucky when I have bought and sold houses because I have typically bought when it’s pretty easy to buy and I have sold when it’s really good to be a seller.

And things in my life have gone really quickly. Like I make a decision and I’m ready to go. Like I am pretty decisive once I’ve made a choice, right? And so put this house on the market took dang forever. There was issues and all kinds of stuff. I have, I I, and I’ve talked about this so I don’t have to go into it, but I had done more repairs.

Like I had taken care of that house, like it was my part-time job. I did so much stuff, so. By the time it was time to sell the house and it, and it sold and we were getting closer to closing on it, I was so tired. I was pretty depleted and I had been living differently. Do you know how you live differently when your house is on the market?

You don’t live like you live in your house, right? You [00:14:00] have to hide your towels and do you know what I mean? Like put your. Knickknacks away or whatever. And so I had been living for many, many months, a little bit different way. So then I move into my apartment, like it’s all new for me. I’m living alone and I’ve, I’m, I’m figuring out where I want things and how I want things.

And I noticed that I was getting up in the morning and what was my pattern when I lived in my house? Was that I would get up, I would get my coffee, and then I would either go sit on my porch or if it was cold, I would go into my office and I have my thinking chairs in my office, and I would sit in my office and read my coffee.

I would journal, or I would read, or I would do something to fortify myself for the day. I like to do gratitude or just think about the things that are happening, right? And then I’ll, I’ll share it on Instagram so often. [00:15:00] So what I found was that worked for me in that environment, and then when I got to the new space, I was sitting in my thinking chair, like the same chair y’all.

The chair was the same, the coffee was the same. You know, for the most part, I think I had shifted to espresso, but it was the same. I was sitting and I was doing what I needed to do. All of my morning routine stuff. And then I found it was really hard to get going. Like I would, I was sitting, but whereas before I would sit and then I would feel complete and fortified and ready to go, I was not.

I was feeling depleted and I was feeling like sort of lethargic and not very motivated and even what I would say down. I’m gonna use the term down. Um, because my mood was just [00:16:00] lowered and after a couple, I mean, it was probably a week or so I would say, I was like, I am having such a hard time getting going.

Like, what is happening? And you guys have probably experienced this too, right? Where you’re like, what is happening? Like. Is it a hormones? I mean, anything could be possible, right? Am I getting sick? Am I burnt out? Am I just over tired? Do I need a vacation? Like what is going on? And in that experience, what I know from the work that I do is that I was in a pattern and patterns, and I wanna explain this because patterns are.

Things that our unconscious mind plays out that leads us from one thing to the next thing to the next thing. So when we have a pattern, there is a trigger, like something that happens. Like I get up, I get my coffee cup, [00:17:00] right? And then there’s a series of things that happen after I sit down. I get my book, I do my journaling, like whatever those things are.

Think about it like this. When you go to brush your teeth, you probably get up in the morning. You have a system, like a way that you do your teeth brushing, you probably don’t even think about it. It is so unconscious. Our habits are unconscious. So what happens with a pattern is that the feelings that are associated with that become part of the pattern.

So now I’m sitting in my chair, I’m getting my coffee, I’m journaling, I’m feeling. Melancholy, right? I’m feeling tired. I’m feeling those begin to get embedded in the pattern. So the longer that I do it, the way that I’m doing it and not getting the result that I want, the deeper I am creating that [00:18:00] divot in my brain, right?

For lack of a better way to say that. It’s like a well worn pathway, right? A neural pathway that continues to fire. The longer I do it, that neural pathway becomes stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger to the point where I could eventually just sit in the chair and immediately go into feeling melancholy.

Like those two things would become so patterned and entrenched that one trigger would lead to the next, and I would not even realize that there were like five or six steps. Internally that were happening, that led me from one thing to the next. It would just look like, I don’t know, in the morning, I just feel melancholy.

But no, there’s a series of things that are happening. Okay. So because I recognized that there was this shift happening, what I know about patterns is that I don’t wanna keep doing the pattern because I don’t wanna keep having the outcome in coaching in the way that I coach specifically. [00:19:00] We calibrate based on outcome.

We calibrate based on, well, what is that action? What’s the action at the end of that? Like, what’s happening? Not like, well, I wanna relax. Well, I wanna be thoughtful in the morning. Well, I want, it’s not what I want, it’s what’s actually happening, is what I’m calibrating on. And that can be hard to decipher as well because we, we know what it is we want.

We think that that’s the intention is sitting down to get motivated. I’m sitting down to be insightful, but no, I’m actually sitting down to be melancholy ’cause that’s what’s happening. So we’re calibrating based on the outcome. So I recognized that pretty quickly and I was like, all we have to do when we have a pattern that is running is we have to disrupt the pattern.

That’s it. And all we have to do is change one piece of the pattern. It doesn’t matter typically [00:20:00] what piece that is. We just want it to be before the outcome. Okay? Here’s what I wanna say about that. If I let the pattern run became melancholy and then tried to change something after, so that I was no longer melancholy, and I don’t even know that that’s the emotion I was having, but we’re gonna use that as.

For the example, if I have done it after, I already had the feeling, I’m not breaking the pattern. ’cause I’m already having the feeling and now I’m having to dig myself out of a hole, right? So what I wanna do is I wanna change before. So what did I do is I sat down with my coffee. Noticed was just one day I noticed, oh, I’m running this pattern.

So I stood up, I brought my coffee to my kitchen island and I put music on. So there’s this guy named Lincoln Jesser and his music. Is just peppy and happy. And I think he talks [00:21:00] on Instagram about how it is like a certain frequency to help your brain. So I picked up my co. The moment I noticed, I’m like, oh, here it comes.

It’s happening. I stood up, break the pattern that just by standing up, I broke the pattern, walked over to my kitchen island, was like, I’m gonna drink my coffee standing. At my kitchen island, I went over, I put Lincoln Jesser song on, and before I knew it, I was dancing, like I had my hands above my head, which I like to do.

My daughter doesn’t like it when I do that, but I feel like it helps elevate my mood and my body wants to move. Like I, there’s emotion, right? That wants to be moving through my body. Just like that, the pattern shifted, the, the pattern no longer existed now. If I had gone back the next day to sitting, I could have reestablished that pattern.

The pattern [00:22:00] still existed. It still was there. It probably wasn’t completely derated by by one day, but it would have been less because I did something different. So those neuro pathways can be formed and get really strong. The longer you do the same thing over and over and over again, or they can become less.

The more pause you put in things, the more you change things, the more you disrupt the pattern. So I, I don’t even know that I’ve ever really gone back to sitting in the way that I did. Sometimes I’ll sit just to drink my espresso, ’cause espresso cups are so tiny, it doesn’t take long. But then I almost always, now I’m moving into music, almost always music in my kitchen, moving around, moving my body became really, really important.

Opening up my blinds, getting that morning sun, especially now that it’s getting into summertime and the light is earlier in the day and it feels really [00:23:00] good opening up my sliding glass door and getting some fresh air. So I, I noticed this pattern and I began to change things. Now why do I tell you this?

Because you may have patterns like that, but I also want you to recognize, and I wanna point out. I wanna point out so that you recognize that that pattern I was able to shift because it hadn’t lasted very long. But even with that shift, it would, I could have gone back to the pattern if I had just reverted back.

Okay. Now I want you to think about patterns You’ve been running for years, patterns you’ve been running with your partner. Things that you don’t like. You know, I talk to women every day and I so get it, like I understand, but they’re unhappy in their marriage. They’re [00:24:00] unhappy with their relationship and with their union and the way things go.

They don’t like the patterns. They may not call it a pattern, they may not recognize it, but the important thing to know is that both people are running the pattern. I am guilty of this too, of being like, oh my God, it makes me crazy. Right? When I was married, he makes me crazy, but until I could recognize my part in the pattern, I couldn’t change it and I couldn’t change my nervous system regulation around it.

And if I had never done that work. If I had just been like, screw this, I am out, which I hear people tell me all the time on Instagram, I didn’t wait. I just left. I mean, that’s great. Do what you have to do. But if you’re not using the environment to understand yourself, you’re missing this huge opportunity because you are running a pattern.[00:25:00]

You are running these things too, and the truth of it is, is that your nervous system feels, it feels normal to you, so normal that you may not notice you’re running it. Remember I said the moment where you sit in the chair and you suddenly feel melancholy and you don’t realize there’s six steps in between that.

Imagine if you’ve been doing something for five years, 10 years, 22 years, 36 years. Like there’s a immediacy that happens, but there’s steps in between that you don’t even recognize. So yes, you could just leave. Yeah, go ahead and leave. It will solve your problem in the moment, but the truth is you are regulated to those patterns, and so as much as you will try, you will go out with other people.

All right? If you choose to date again, you’ll go out with other people. And then you’ll be like, I don’t really like them. I can see that they’re probably a [00:26:00] good person, but it’s just not my person. Right. And that’s fair. But then there’ll be somebody that you’ll be attracted to and then after six months or after a year, you’re gonna be like, oh my God, he’s doing the same things as my ex.

Why do I do this? I’ve even heard people say, I have a bad picker. You don’t have a bad picker. Your brain’s working perfectly to find something that matches what you’re comfortable with. So perhaps the other person would have been a great match if you didn’t have those patterns, but because you have those patterns, you’re just gonna replay with somebody else.

Now we can disrupt patterns in relationships in our lives. Like I said, just in my morning routine so that I am not. Living in a feeling, feeling melancholy. And that’s a really simple example, but I wanted to share that because I recognized it the other day. I was thinking, I actually was going through my [00:27:00] journal and just reading back.

’cause I always find it fascinating to like have that rear view mirror check to be like, how much have I changed? Like what’s happened? Do I think differently? We get a different experience when we are different. So I wanna say this is really important. I wanna say this again. My life right now today looks a great deal different than it did a year ago, I am different in relation to that, but I didn’t become different when my situation and my life experience changed. My life didn’t change, and then I changed. I changed, and then my life started to organize itself around that. So the changes that you make, whether it’s in those patterns or whatever it is, right?

And we talk about all of this in the Navigate method, but those patterns start to change. Your outside [00:28:00] circumstances are just suddenly gonna start to rearrange themselves. It no longer matches who you are because you are someone different. So when you start to look at the way that you are contributing to your own experience is the moment when you can start to live a big life.

So I hope that gives you food for thought. If you’re interested in learning more about how we do this, you know, inside the Navigate Method, I have a free video on my website. Like if you go to my website, it’s like the very first thing right there, and I lay out the steps. Five shifts. That’s a really great place to start and I’ll tell you, um, once you watch that, at the very end of that video, I explain how to talk to us to see if we can help you.

We tell people every single day, and I’m not exaggerating, we tell people every day, we’re not the right fit to help you. So if you’re [00:29:00] struggling with your relationship and you wanna see if we can help, we only help people. We know that we can help. And there’s certain things we talk about where we know if we’re a good fit.

Um, and then you can decide if that’s the right next step for you. So. If you wanna check that out, you can just go to my website, betsy p.com. Thank you so much for being here with me. And if you were here on video comment and let me know you were here on video. I don’t know why it feels exciting.

Hopefully this one, I don’t even think I have much to, to, to edit this one, so I should be safe. But I, I appreciate you being here with me. Thank you so much for listening today. Um, I will see you next week on YouTube with the Navigate Chronicles. Um. And I’ll see you then. All right. I love you so much. See you guys next time.

Bye-bye.

Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. [00:30:00] I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today.

You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

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