#79: When Susan Lieu's mother died from a botched cosmetic surgery at age 11, her Vietnamese immigrant family did what they knew how to do: they never spoke about it again. For three decades, the silence persisted. But when Susan faced the question "How do I become a mother if I never knew my own?" everything changed.

In this deeply moving conversation, Susan Lieu – a Vietnamese American author, playwright, and performer – shares her extraordinary journey from Microsoft cybersecurity professional to acclaimed solo performer and author. With zero theater training, she wrote and starred in a 65-minute show playing 15 family members, performed 60 times to 7,000 people while pregnant, and wrote the memoir "The Manicurist's Daughter" — an Apple Book Pick and NPR Best Book of 2024.

Susan's story is about the courage to break generational silence, the power of becoming your family's archive keeper, and discovering that sometimes the stories we're forbidden to tell are exactly the ones the world needs to hear.

Key Topics Discussed:

Family Secrets & Silence

• How trauma and cultural differences create walls of silence
• The cost of keeping family secrets vs. the courage to tell the truth

Intergenerational Trauma & Healing

• Understanding her parents' escape from Vietnam as boat people
• Learning to forgive a father shaped by war and loss

Body Image

• Unpacking the message "if you get fat, no one will love you"
• Reframing relationship with her body: "My body is my mother's last gift to me"

Truth & Memory

• How different family members hold different versions of the same story
• The power of archiving family history for future generations

Notable Quotes:

"For me to go on a quest to avenge my mother's death, to track down the killer, to bring justice to our family, but really to know her was this confrontation of being courageous in my own family."

"My body is my mother's last gift to me. When I say I hate my body, that means you're saying you hate where you come from."

"Sometimes the stories we're not allowed to tell are exactly the ones the world needs to hear."

"In activating this courage, we will learn something new. It'll give us new information to keep pivoting, to keep inching toward what we think will give us our self-actualization."

Connect with Susan:

• Website: https://www.susanlieu.me/
• Instagram: @SusanLieu
• Substack: "Live Like You're Mortal" https://susanlieu.substack.com/
• Podcast: "Model Minority Moms" https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/model-minority-moms/id1565085683
• Book: "The Manicurist's Daughter" (available in print and audiobook) https://www.amazon.com/Manicurists-Daughter-Memoir-Susan-Lieu/dp/1250835046
• TEDx Talk: "How to Make Peace with Your Belly Fat" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al0Jw_9b06Y

Connect with The Courage Effect:

• Host: Suzanne Weller / Weller Collaboration
• Website: https://wellercollaboration.com/thecourageeffect
• Social Media: https://linktr.ee/suzanneweller
• Substack: Sign up for Suzanne’s Reimagine Growth newsletter at https://suzanneweller.substack.com/about

Support the Show:

If this episode resonated with you:

• Leave a 5-star review on your podcast platform
• Share this episode with someone who needs to hear Susan's story
• Purchase "The Manicurist's Daughter" and leave a review
• Follow Susan on social media and support her work