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EP90 The Divorce Drama You Don’t Know You’re Clinging To
Manage episode 483059858 series 3505282
Ever catch yourself thinking, “Why the f*ck am I STILL not over this damn divorce?”
Yeah. I was the same.
In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on secondary gains ... .those sneaky little perks your brain weirdly gets from staying stuck in the pain.
Attention, avoidance, drama, validation... It's like emotional junk food, and unfortunately, your brain LOVES it.
In this episode I walk you through:
🧠 Why your brain secretly prefers heartbreak over healing
🎡 The thought loops keeping you on the pain hamster wheel
⚒️ Practical tools to interrupt those patterns and build new ones
🕵🏻♀️ How to spot when you’re self-sabotaging and what to do instead
You’re NOT lazy. You’re NOT broken. But your nervous system might be loyal to your hurt…. and it’s time we changed that.
This one’s part pep talk, part emotional intervention, and totally for you if you’re ready to stop replaying the old story and finally move the hell on.
Let’s go 💥
Loads of Love,
Sarah x
🌸
P.S. In May in the Divorce Book Club, we’re not only celebrating our first birthday 🎉 but we’re reading How to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse by Caroline Strawson…..And It’s a Must-Read for Anyone Healing from a Toxic Relationship.
If your ex made you feel like you were the problem…
If you’re still replaying conversations wondering, “Was it really that bad?”
If you're done with gaslighting, breadcrumbing, and walking on eggshells...
💡 Then May’s Divorce Book Club pick is for YOU.
Blending neuroscience, trauma recovery, and real-life insight, this book is packed with practical tools to help you go from surviving to thriving after narcissistic abuse. Perfect for anyone who wants science-backed healing with a side of empowerment.
✨ Whether you're still untangling from a toxic ex or rebuilding yourself from the inside out, this month’s read will support your healing, one chapter at a time.
➡️ Make sure you’re joined up to get access to the pick, discussion prompts, and healing conversations that will remind you:
You’re not crazy. You’re just finally free.
So if you want to join us, check it all out HERE ⬇️
(And use code BIRTHDAY for 50% off your first month (until May 31 2025) 🎁)
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/
INSTAGRAM
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
Chapters
1. Welcome & Let's Get Real (00:00:00)
2. What the F*ck are Secondary Gains? (00:03:32)
3. Why the Brain Loves Familiar Garbage (00:05:01)
4. The 4 Main Secondary Gains That Keep You Stuck (00:07:18)
5. Real Life Loops: How We Stay Stuck (00:10:44)
6. Brutal (Loving) Honesty Time (and Journal Prompts) (00:12:18)
7. Rewiring the Brain: Awareness, Interruptions & New Pathways (00:14:20)
8. Replacing the Reward: How to Shift Your Emotional Payoff (00:18:12)
9. The Final Pep Talk: You’re Not F*cked, You’re Just Familiar with Pain (00:19:24)
10. Your Emotional Call-to-Arms (00:22:38)
93 episodes
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