Feedback That Transforms: Turning Tricky Conversations into Growth (and Keeping Volunteers)

Tom's yelling at kids during craft time and I'm sitting here pretending it's not happening.

Emma spills glue he goes "Emma come on be more careful!" in sharp voice and she starts crying. Other kids freeze up like oh crap Tom's mad. Parents looking at me like are you gonna do something?

I'm standing there thinking I should say something but what if Tom gets offended? What if he quits? What if he thinks I'm micromanaging?

So I do nothing. Again. Because apparently I'm five years old.

Emma's mom comes up after "Is Tom okay? Emma was really upset about getting yelled at." Great now I look like incompetent leader who lets volunteers terrorize children.

Finally corner Tom after service literally sweating cause I hate confrontation so much. "Hey Tom can we talk? You seemed stressed during crafts."

"Oh yeah work's been rough lately. Why?"

Tell him about Emma crying and his face drops. "Oh my god I had no idea. I've been so on edge it's bleeding over. Thanks for telling me."

Five minute conversation. Problem solved. Why did I wait three weeks?

Used to approach feedback like volunteers were being mean on purpose. Made everything feel like getting in trouble at school.

Now start with assumption they're good people who maybe don't realize there's issue. "Tom I know you care about these kids. Wanted to chat about something might help you connect even better."

Don't say useless stuff like "be more patient." Tell them exactly what you saw. "When Emma spilled glue you said be more careful in sharp tone and raised voice. She started crying other kids went quiet."

Now they have something specific work with instead of vague feeling they're screwing up.

Tom stopped yelling kids love him now. Emma specifically asks for his table. That's what good feedback does. Helps people become better instead just making them feel bad.

*For anyone avoiding difficult conversations with volunteers, leaders who hate confrontation but need address problems, people discovering that specific feedback works better than vague suggestions.
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