Sitting in church parking lot at 4 AM because apparently needed to return to scene of crime to process how badly I screwed up teaching prayer today.

Was supposed to be simple lesson. Prayer equals talking to God. Basic stuff seven-year-olds should understand without needing theology degree.

Somehow turned it into complicated formula with magic phrases and special rules God apparently requires or He ignores you completely.

Started okay explaining prayer like talking to best friend. Then demonstrated using that ridiculous formal church voice nobody actually uses. "Dear Heavenly Father we come before You today..." you know the voice.

Lily immediately asks if you have to say "Dear Heavenly Father" or God won't know you're talking to Him. Perfect opportunity to say "nope just say hey God if you want."

Instead I say "well it's good to be respectful when we pray" which she hears as YES YOU MUST USE FORMAL ADDRESS OR GOD WILL IGNORE YOU.

Gets worse. Kids start asking for specific instructions about closing eyes folding hands saying Jesus name. Do you have to restart if you say um in middle.

Instead of saying God doesn't care about that stuff just wants to hear from you I create elaborate prayer protocol. Eyes closed for focus. Hands folded shows respect.

Turned prayer into spiritual etiquette class where God's some picky critic judging technique.

Sophie breaks my heart asking what if you don't know right words. What if you're not smart enough to pray good. This precious kid now thinks prayer requires advanced vocabulary.

Ethan prays at end asking God to help him remember all the right words so God doesn't get mad at him. I created prayer anxiety in six-year-old.

Mom reminded me when I was little I used to pray "hey God it's me again" and tell Him about my day like invisible friend. That's exactly what prayer should be.

For kids ministry leaders discovering that simple beats sophisticated, teachers learning authenticity works better than formality, anyone ready to stop turning conversations with God into performance art.