When Your Past Lives in Your Parenting

Couples Counseling For Parents

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Remember when you and your partner felt like soulmates, deeply connected and growing stronger together? Then parenthood arrived, and suddenly those old insecurities you thought were healed came rushing back with surprising force. You're not alone, and no—you didn't make a mistake choosing each other.
Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP state, "What's happening is a normal developmental challenge that catches most couples by surprise." The intense stress of parenting activates our nervous systems, bringing along familiar patterns, thoughts and feelings from our past. Your partner, who once soothed these core wounds, seems to be triggering them at the worst possible moment.
Through the story of Annabeth and Selena, we explore how one partner's feeling of "everything falls on me" collides with the other's sense that "nothing I do is ever enough"—creating a painful cycle that many parents recognize. When Annabeth expresses feeling overwhelmed and alone, Selena withdraws, feeling criticized and inadequate. Each response intensifies the other's core wound, despite their deep love for each other.
The path forward isn't about solving logistical problems or dividing tasks differently. It begins with understanding which pattern you tend toward, exploring the deeper stories behind your reactions, and learning to talk about the feelings themselves rather than arguing about surface issues. When partners can vulnerably share "When this happens, I notice I start feeling alone like I did growing up" instead of launching into criticism or defensiveness, everything changes.
This episode offers a four-step process to transform these painful cycles into opportunities for deeper connection. You'll learn to recognize your pattern, understand its origins, communicate vulnerably about the feelings, and establish regular check-ins to prevent buildup.
Ready to turn relationship regression into progression? Listen now, and discover how the very wounds causing disconnection can become your pathway to profound intimacy.

Chapters

1. Introduction and 100th Episode Preview (00:00:00)

2. Connecting With the Hosts (00:03:04)

3. Parenting Partners and Past Struggles (00:03:38)

4. Case Study: Annabeth and Selena (00:06:33)

5. Why Old Feelings Resurface (00:11:43)

6. Breaking the Activation Cycle (00:21:29)

7. Four Steps to Reconnection (00:29:44)

8. Too Tired to Fight Book Promotion (00:34:24)

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