If there’s one leadership skill that keeps coming up in every conversation I have—with clients, podcast guests, and leaders navigating the post-pandemic workplace—it’s empathy. Not the “I feel sorry for you” kind. Not sympathy. Real empathy. The kind that helps you actually feel with people, not just observe their struggle from the outside.

This skill isn’t soft. It isn’t optional. And it definitely isn’t something you can toggle on only when it’s convenient. Empathy is a leadership muscle. And like any muscle, if you don’t build it intentionally, it won’t be there when you need it.

Empathy Isn’t About Fixing—It’s About Connecting

In my conversation with consultant and engineer Erin Thorpe on DEI After 5, she described the trap so many leaders fall into: problem-solving their way through people issues.

Think of it like having a hammer. It’s useful for certain tasks. But if everything is treated like a nail, you’re going to do more harm than good.

No one wants to be “fixed.”People want to be understood.

Empathy is the tool leaders often overlook in their toolbox—the one that helps you slow down, get curious, and genuinely connect with the human in front of you. It asks you to step into their world long enough to understand what’s happening beneath the surface.

The First Step: Build Your Emotional Capacity

Before leaders can extend empathy to others, they have to be willing to feel their own emotions. And let’s be honest: many of us were taught to leave feelings at the door and “be professional.”

But today’s workplace doesn’t reward emotional disconnection. It demands emotional capacity.

Start small. Erin talked about using the shower as a safe place to acknowledge your emotions—no emails, no team requests, no interruptions. Just you and whatever’s bubbling up. Practicing this regularly makes it easier to hold space when your team brings their emotions to you.

Because here’s the truth:You can’t support what you don’t understand.And you can’t understand what you refuse to feel.

Name the Emotion Before You Respond to It

Most people can identify four emotions: happy, sad, angry, frustrated. But there are layers beneath each one. Tools like the “emotion wheel” can help you name what’s actually going on—disappointment, overwhelm, shame, discouragement, excitement, anticipation.

Being able to name an emotion helps you regulate it. And if you can regulate yours, you’ll be far better equipped to support someone else.

This is why emotional intelligence is so tied to effective leadership. It’s not about perfect composure—it’s about honest awareness.

Your Body Already Knows What’s Going On

Verbal communication only tells part of the story. The rest shows up in body language—crossed arms, fidgeting, leaning away from the screen, avoiding eye contact, a quick smirk that flashes and disappears. Most leaders notice these cues without knowing what to do with them.

Here’s where empathy comes in.

Instead of assuming, lead with curiosity:

* “I’m picking up something—what’s coming up for you right now?”

* “I noticed you leaned back when that topic came up. Tell me more.”

When you see a cue, don’t ignore it. Check it, explore it, understand it.

This attention doesn’t slow down productivity. It accelerates it. People work better when they feel seen.

Emotions Are a Part of Inclusion

Everyone expresses emotions differently. Some people shut down. Some people get loud. Some tear up. Some fling a hammer across the room (yes, that actually happens on job sites).

What matters is this:Emotions are human.And inclusion is not possible without making room for that humanity.

Too often, tears get labeled as “unprofessional,” especially for women. Anger gets labeled as “aggressive,” especially for women of color. Both interpretations are rooted in bias, not truth.

You can’t build an inclusive workplace while demanding emotional sameness.

True inclusion means creating space for people to show up as they are—and not punishing them for it.

People Need to Feel Valued, Seen, Heard, and Connected

If one of these is missing, belonging breaks down:

* Valued – “I matter to this team.”

* Seen – “You notice and respect who I am.”

* Heard – “My voice isn’t dismissed.”

* Connected – “I’m part of something here.”

Leaders who get this right don’t just improve culture—they increase retention, commitment, innovation, and trust. The emotional connection people feel at work directly impacts how they show up.

And part of that connection comes from modeling it yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. You have to know what you need, too.

Empathy Starts Small—but Consistency Matters

Building this muscle doesn’t require grand gestures. Start with manageable habits:

* Check in with your own emotions daily.

* When irritation rises, pause for 30 seconds instead of responding immediately.

* Take a sip of water or walk for two minutes when overwhelmed.

* Ask your team questions that go beyond the task list:“What’s weighing on you today?”“What support would feel most helpful right now?”

These small practices build your capacity to respond instead of react—especially in moments where emotions are high.

Why Empathy Matters Now More Than Ever

This workforce is different. Expectations are different. The world is different.

Employees want leaders who:

* recognize their humanity

* listen without judgment

* acknowledge emotions without making them “a problem to fix”

* create psychological safety

* value the whole person, not just the role they fill

That’s the leader people remember.That’s the leader people trust.And that’s the leader organizations need if they want to move forward—especially in times of uncertainty.

The Bottom Line

Empathy isn’t a soft skill.It’s a leadership advantage.

It helps you understand people more deeply, build trust more quickly, and create workplaces where folks feel safe enough to speak up, take risks, and grow.

It requires curiosity.It requires practice.It requires emotional awareness—your own and others’.

But the more you develop this muscle, the more natural it becomes.

And the more natural it becomes, the more powerful your leadership will be.

If you’d like support helping your leaders strengthen their empathy muscle, deepen psychological safety, and build truly inclusive team cultures, I’m here to help. Let’s talk about what that can look like for your organization.