Why do people refuse to say what they see, and, what everyone knows…whether or not they’re willing to acknowledge it? Is there some benefit to keeping quiet, adhering to the “unwritten rules,” and, is there a time and place to break tradition? Today, I’m joined by Harvard professor, Dr. Steven Pinker to answer these questions. We also discuss the difference between common knowledge and common wisdom, whether or not it’s hypocrisy to stay quiet about the unwritten rules, when to be radically honest or complacently quiet, how to judge risk in your honesty, how the “Abeline Paradox” will serve you, and the importance of male initiation.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS 00:00 – Welcome and introduction to Steven Pinker 00:45 – Defining “common knowledge” vs. “common sense” 03:11 – “Don’t ask, don’t tell” and social hypocrisy 07:46 – Cultural shifts and the meaning of hypocrisy 09:41 – Morality, religion, and policy contradictions 11:21 – Hidden hypocrisies: paper bags and escort services 14:07 – How common knowledge shapes power (Taiwan example) 17:05 – “Coming out” and the social costs of honesty 20:10 – Honesty vs. tact in relationships 23:13 – Learning social nuance: autism and empathy 31:00 – Layers of communication and meaning 34:50 – The Abilene paradox and pluralistic ignorance 38:02 – How silence empowers repression 42:42 – Conformity and social conditioning 44:06 – Building virtuous influence as men 47:22 – Civilizing young men and the role of masculinity 51:48 – The crisis of modern manhood 54:08 – Ruthless honesty with compassion (closing)

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