14. QUICK RESET: I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality

ADHD Mums

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6d ago 14:53

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This one is for the mums who cancel plans and then spiral into shame — not because you don’t care about your friends, but because you’re tired of becoming someone else just to belong. This Quick Reset goes straight into the emotional cost of masking, people-pleasing, and being ‘palatable’ in social spaces when you’re already running on empty.

If you've ever ghosted a dinner invite because the idea of smiling through small talk made you feel sick — you're not rude. You're exhausted. And there’s a reason your nervous system taps out.

We unpack the invisible work of shaping your personality around others, the aftermath of overthinking every interaction, and what it means to parent, mask, and still try to hold onto yourself.

🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:

Are you antisocial — or socially exhausted?
What ‘masking’ actually costs neurodivergent women
Why even a quick coffee can feel like a performance review
Patchwork identity and shape-shifting through a room
The difference between safe friends vs. performance friends
How playdates, school pickups, and small talk drain your nervous system
Real life examples of emotional hangovers after 'being social'
Reset strategies for identifying low-cost, low-mask relationships
Why you don’t have to host, chat, or explain — and how to drop the guilt

💭 This episode is for you if:
– You dread text replies or cancel plans last minute and don’t know why
– You feel like friendship has become another task to survive
– You’re tired of auto-correcting your personality to be liked
– You want to create space for friendships that feel safe — not scripted

📚 Mentioned Resource:
– A Guide to Navigating School Pick-Ups for ADHD Mums — includes scripts, social energy planning, neurodiverse/NT dynamics, and boundaries

🔗 Resources & Links:

📚 Reference:
Price, D. (2022). Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity. Harmony Books.• Join the Facebook community: ADHD Mums FB Group
• More resources & tools: www.adhdmums.com.au/shop

🔁 SHARE THIS RESET:
If this one hit hard, send it to a mum friend who’s also stuck in survival mode. Let her know: she’s not broken, she’s bracing.

SCHOOL MINI SERIES:

S1 E41: Camouflaging ADHD + Autistic Traits in Girls with Millie Carr | Spotify | Apple Podcast
S3 E2: SCHOOL SERIES When School Becomes the Trauma — What No One Tells ADHD Parents | Spotify | Apple Podcast
S3 E3: SCHOOL SERIES - Burnout Starts in the Classroom — And Follows Them Home | Spotify | Apple Podcast
S3 E5: SCHOOL SERIES: Your Child Isn’t ‘Acting Out’ — They’re Burning Out | Spotify | Apple Podcast
S3 E7: SCHOOL SERIES: The Great Gaslighting: When Schools Say We Don’t See It | Spotify | Apple Podcast
S3 E9: SCHOOL SERIES -IEP Meetings Are Broken — Here’s What to Say Instead | Spotify | Apple Podcast
S3 E11: SCHOOL SERIES: Reducing Stress Behaviours in the Classroom: Connection, Co-Regulation & Neuro-Aware Teaching | Spotify | Apple Podcast

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

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LEAVE A REVIEW:

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COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at [email protected].

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

🧠 TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:
mirrored trauma, masking, social burnout, ADHD mums, neurodivergent exhaustion, friendship anxiety, sensory overwhelm, rejection sensitivity, people-pleasing, patchwork identity, fawning, parenting while masking, real self vs performed self, social hangovers, playdate dread, drop-off anxiety, safe vs performance friendships, emotional load, ADHD parenting, mum guilt, playground scripts.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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#Fitness #Parenting #Mental Health #Jane McFadden