147. A Repeat of Episode 43: Cashaye Barrera—An Episode Worth Hearing Again!

Sometimes life throws us a curve ball when we least expect it, and it changes the trajectory of the path we were on. That’s what happened this week when a guest who was scheduled to record with me had some unexpected events thwart our scheduled appointment and we weren’t able to record. So, I made the decision to do something I have yet to do on this podcast, and that is to repeat a past episode. It didn’t take me anytime at all to decide which one: you are about to hear Episode 43 again: my adopted daughter, Cashaye Barrera. Cashaye’s extreme courage and strength in telling her survivor story is evident and powerful, and I’m honored to be able to have you listen to this again.

Please take the time to not only listen to this repeat episode, but also to re-read the notes I wrote for Episode 43:

This week, I made a special request to my daughter, Cashaye Barrera, to be a guest with me on this show. I was pretty sure she would agree to do this…and she did. My confidence in her response was due in part to me knowing how passionate she is about getting justice for herself…in every legal, non-violent way possible. And because I know what a tenacious and strong personality she is when she’s fighting for herself and for those she loves and cares for…like, her family. But mostly because she is passionate about helping others. Especially others that are suffering in ways she can relate to…like other victims and survivors of rape and sexual assault.

Cashaye’s sexual assault case wasn’t taken seriously when it was reported to law enforcement. Even though she was able to present physical evidence that she was raped, the agency handling the case, along with the prosecutor’s office, was much more interested in giving the benefit of the doubt to the suspect than to Cashaye; to believe his untruthful explanation for the existence of his semen on Cashaye’s clothing, rather than her report of incestuous and forceful rape. This is, for the most part, across most of this country, sadly, standard operating procedure. Part of this standard, this common response among law enforcement and prosecutors, is the systemic disbelief of victims. And another huge component to the problem is blaming the victim. And while Cashaye is one of the fortunate ones that did not end up being arrested herself for false reporting, she was certainly not believed, and was told by law enforcement that she should listen to and obey the very person that raped her, and that person’s wife who knew the sexual assault was occurring, who were Cashaye’s foster parents.

Why is this process of disbelief, blaming, shaming, of victims, and the closure of rape and sexual assault cases without the perpetrators of these crimes being so much as confrontationally questioned about the report, let alone thoroughly investigated, so rampant, so systemic? Because…it’s easier to not believe reports of sexual assault and rape than it is to believe these reports. It’s easier because our human brains don’t like to face the malevolence, the discomfort, the taboo, the ugliness, the messiness, the vulgarness…of rape. And because some men and women who investigate rape and sexual assault cases don’t like the idea that what they do, sexually, in their own personal sex lives, could very well be construed as rape or sexual assault. It’s easier to disbelieve victims; to blame victims; to shame victims, and to get them to recant their report.

If you don’t believe me, watch the independent film, Victim/Suspect, streaming on Netflix. Then read Cry Rape: The True Story of One Woman’s Quest for Justice, by Bill Lueders. Then read Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town. And read Know My Name, by Chanel Miller Then read Dr. David Lisak’s research on The Undetected Rapist. Then watch The Invisible War documentary about the prevalence of rape in the military by Kirby Dick, Amy Ziering, and Tanner King Barklow.

Things need to change…big time. Be a part of that change: Start by Believing.

An important side note: if you’re finding value in these episodes, please take a moment to leave a 5-star rating on your podcast platform. AND, please send me a note of support. I can’t tell you how much your emails mean to me—they fuel my passion to keep this podcast going. Here’s my email address: [email protected] Thank you to all of you who have reached out to me already!! Please keep those emails and texts coming…I truly look forward to hearing from you!

On another note: I am a strong advocate and supporter of Survivor School (SS), founded and directed by CEO Arci Grey (another former guest on SASS). In fact, Arci has made me a consultant to SS as she maneuvers the intricacies of directing and managing the content and growth of her amazing organization. I encourage you to strongly consider becoming a member of SS, and as an affiliate would appreciate it, if you do decide to become a member, to use this link: https://www.survivor-school.com/free?ref=SASS

Thanks again for listening! As always, listed below are some additional important and meaningful websites I hope you’ll take a look at and learn more about.

https://sironahealing.com/

https://www.whattheydontsay.com

https://www.survivor-school.com/?ref=DAVEMARKEL

www.arcigrey.com

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/invisible-no-more-lady-veterans-stories-of-military/id1754061590

https://startbybelieving.org

https://evawintl.org/

https://safeinharmsway.org

My email address:

[email protected]

It’s time to Normalize the Conversation.™ And please remember to Start by Believing…because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault.

Thank you for tuning in.