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Stopped at grief. This isn't hitting me anymore since death was all around me. Every day, I thought, I'm going to die (suicide) since I did report this to healthcare (NWMH & again with Advocate Aurora--and "advocate doctor" does not mean is an advocate by the way--whoops) and that everyone else would die, too.

I see self as the rainbow or HOPE after the storm so gave a gift with rainbow motif to connect to a person who was doing a lot of harm. I didn't realize but I was exhibiting another strategy that's very common & without violence, I would've never realized it. All that adrenaline created to help others is fine, but you have to know WHO to give it, too. That's the difference.

With a focus on the most at-risk & most vulnerable populations, that's putting way kids with special needs at THIS PUBLIC SCHOOL. Everything has a reason or is reminder to never forget. What we need to do for those with #ptsd. Never forget them before & validate them afterwards since again, the smallest acts of kindness in-the-moment (no judgement, no confusion, just clarity that a) you matter b) I don't want you to die c) tomorrow will be better, promise to get to that most important question, "can you get through the night?" & then the obvious conversation to follow. What do you need to survive?

This isn't about charity. Modern day definition or the biblical understanding of "love," it's simply, if you have the capacity to help others, would you? That's the cycle since how much do you really need? What really makes you happy? What memories are going to remain though the worst moments?

This seems like the conclusion to ADVOCACY. All because someone assisted with a digital task today? Filling out some forms & created a safe space. Who knew when the word "chase" became unsafe on multiple levels, but also the way to relive that time when, yes, being chased. It's very scary. That's all I'm going to say. You know the experience, then you know. What's the connective thread between people who do not kill themselves? That's what I want to know.

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