#187 What If We Focused Less On Self-care And More On Self-nurture To Progress Our Hoarding Recovery? That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding podcast

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#187 What if we focused less on self-care and more on self-nurture to progress our hoarding recovery?

1d ago 37:23

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Self-care gets a lot of airtime these days, but I’ve started rethinking what it actually means, especially when you’re struggling with hoarding disorder. In this episode, I talk about why marketed, consumer-driven “self-care” just adds more pressure, and why nurturing yourself with compassion, connection, and practical routines is far more effective. Plus, I share some genuinely helpful, low-cost ways to support yourself without adding to the clutter - or your to-do list.

Self-Care in Modern Times
Evolution of the meaning of “self-care”:
The older, practical definition (basic hygiene, nourishment)
Current consumer-driven, extravagant interpretations
Critique of modern self-care commercialisation
Challenges of Hoarding and Mental Health Struggles
Emotional toll of hoarding disorder
Stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, grief
The exhausting process of trying to “fix” things
Daily stressors of living in a hoard
Feelings of failure, constant reminders, adrenaline spikes from unexpected visitors, tripping over items
The Real Purpose of Self-Care
Balancing negative emotions (stress, grief, trauma) with activities that nurture the soul
Evaluating popular self-care advice
The problem with universal, commercialised recommendations
Importance of individualised, inward-looking approaches
Introducing the Concept of "Self-Nurture"
How self-nurture differs from self-care
Greater compassion, sustainability, and personalisation
Emphasis on looking inwards for individual needs
Practical examples of self-nurturing activities
The Pitfalls of Commercialised Self-Care
The “shoulds” culture and guilt surrounding unmet self-care standards
Surface-level versus meaningful acts of care
How marketed solutions often do not address real needs
Guilt and shame when unable to practice recommended self-care (especially for those who hoard)
Consumer Culture and Self-Care
Self-care as a commodified experience: Encouragement to buy unnecessary products
How this affects people who hoard
Risk of exacerbating clutter by acquiring more as “self-care”
Focus on external fixes rather than internal wellbeing
The Benefits of Self-Nurture
Self-nurture as inexpensive or free
Focus on activities rather than acquisitions
Finding joy or restoration in simple practices (e.g., using what you have, accessing the library, running without specialised gear)
Compassionate Self-Nurture in Practice
Asking internal questions about core needs (physical, emotional, psychological)
Treating oneself as one would treat a person they love
Emphasis on gentle, non-critical, incremental progress
Drinking water for wellbeing rather than obligation
Time in nature, connecting with friends, creativity, self-acceptance
Building Emotional Security and Gentleness
Establishing emotional security as a core need
Managing self-criticism and reaching out for connection despite anxiety
Celebration of small wins and progress
Validating and acknowledging difficult feelings with compassion
Evaluating and Choosing Nurturing Activities
Key questions to ask: “Will this nurture me emotionally, psychologically, or physically?”
Differentiating between genuine needs and justifying unnecessary purchases
Avoidance of reinforcing negative patterns through acquisition
Developing a Personal Toolbox for Self-Nurture
Gathering and customising strategies that work
Routines and coping mechanisms
Taking stock of helpful techniques, personalising approaches
Recognising and valuing unique sources of restoration
Top Tip
DIY, low-cost tip for cleaning the dishwasher with household items
Encouragement to take any step, however small, towards self-nurture

Links

The "feeling your feelings" episode
Episodes talking about the inner critic: with Steve Chapman; about the song that changed everything for me; and about making mistakes
Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form
Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding
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Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions
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