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Everyone has a dream. But sometimes there’s a gap between where we are and where we want to be. True, there are some people who can bridge that gap easily, on their own, but all of us need a little help at some point. A little boost. An accountability partner. A Snooze Squad. In each episode, the Snooze Squad will strategize an action plan for people to face their fears. Guests will transform their own perception of their potential and walk away a few inches closer to who they want to become ...
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When your spouse is dysregulated, shut down, or lashing out in anger—what's really happening? And more importantly, what can YOU do about it?
In this episode, I break down:
✓ The biological difference between being technically safe and *feeling* safe
✓ Why your partner may not identify you as a safety cue (even if you're trying)
✓ The "Polyvagal Ladder"—how shutdown → anger → safety actually works
✓ Why fight activation coming out of shutdown is actually a GOOD sign
✓ The painful relationship cycle (and how to break it)
✓ 4 practical tips to shift relationship dynamics
KEY TAKEAWAY: If you want your relationship to change, it falls on YOU to show up differently. You can't control your partner's nervous system, but you can regulate yours—and that's powerful.
⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 - Introduction: Understanding Dysregulation in Relationships
0:32 - Listener's Question: Navigating Marital Challenges
2:01 - The Concept of Safety in Relationships
7:31 - The Role of Fight Activation and Safety
11:03 - Breaking the Cycle: Self-Regulation and Boundaries
20:12 - Practical Tips for Changing Relationship Dynamics
26:45 - Conclusion: The Journey to Self-Regulation
👉 Resources from this episode:
"Self-Regulate to Co-regulate" episode - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1ZflmdCZyE
Resources:
🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ
🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books
🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0
Crisis resources:
- National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
- National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
- LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
- National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
- Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
- Call 911 for emergency
This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).
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