“𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲” – 𝐀𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐈𝐈, Don Miguel Ruiz

In his book The Four Agreements (A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom), author Don Miguel Ruiz suggest that we must make an agreement with ourselves to not take anything personally.

When we think of taking things personally, we often think of receiving criticism from another person or some external event the we feel is happening to us specifically because of us. We tell ourselves some version of the story that “if I were different or if I were someone different than they wouldn’t say that or this wouldn’t be happening”. In that moment we are acting on an overdeveloped sense of Personal Importance. Taking the words or actions of others as personal to us is actually an extreme expression of selfishness.

We are making it about all about ourselves when it may have nothing to do with us at all. We may hear feedback from another person as judgment or as criticism because we each process what we hear through our awareness of our flaws, weaknesses, and insecurities. We are not affected emotionally by what is actually said, but rather by our interpretation which is formed by our beliefs.

Taking things personally is a direct result of the stories we tell ourselves and what we ultimately believe about ourselves. We believe a story about ourselves and their words touch an emotional wound that causes pain. We create a narrative of what the person meant with their words rather than what they actually said.

Notice how many words refer to SELF in this description? Are we being selfish and taking things personally?

What story do we have a habit of reliving when we take things personally?

What are the cues that cause me the or remember this story?

What is my usually reaction to this story?

How can I respond instead?

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