Trauma isn't just an event—it’s a complex, living pattern woven through our bodies, minds, and relationships. What if the path to healing isn’t about breaking down defenses or pushing past resistance, but about honoring those very protections as parts of our whole self?

Shai Lavie’s journey illuminates this radical shift. As a Hakomi and Somatic Experiencing therapist, Shai learned that trauma work flourishes when we stop battling our clients’ “barriers” and instead bring curiosity and compassion to every part of their experience—even the parts that resist change. Imagine your nervous system not as a malfunctioning engine to be fixed, but as a profound intelligence signaling what it needs to survive and adapt.

In practice, this means holding space for a client’s “resistance”, listening deeply to these “barriers” with genuine inquiry: “What wisdom might be present here? What story is this body telling me?” Such an approach transforms therapy from a power struggle into a collaborative voyage, where client and therapist become co-captains rowing in harmony, not opposition.

This relational, respectful method aligns beautifully with the NeuroAffective Relational Model® (NARM®) principles—where healing happens in connection, at the client’s pace, and through mindful presence. It invites us all, as therapists and healers, to recalibrate our role: to cultivate safety not by conquering defenses, but by embracing them, fostering agency within the authentic self.

If you’re a mental health professional eager to deepen your understanding of complex trauma and transform your therapeutic practice, we invite you to explore the upcoming NARM Therapist Trainings at the Complex Trauma Training Center. Join a community committed to growing both professionally and personally—where we learn that healing is not about fighting against our adaptive Self, but reconnecting with the resilient, compassionate, authentic Self.